The Hairried Truth

I’m not saying I have under-the-chin hairs.

Thick, black hairs that grow out of my lily white skin for everyone to see.

But, hypothetically speaking, if I did have under-the-chin hairs, I’d have to find time in my busy schedule to pluck them.

We moms are a busy breed.

We squeeze in things any way we can.

I, for example, can’t remember the last time I sat and watched an entire TV show without doing something else simultaneously.  I work on the computer, bake cookies, sew, edit photos, scrapbook, and wrap presents.  I update our calendar, pay bills, and send reminders to my husband to update our calendar and pay bills.  All of which happens after kids are in bed, of course, because I can’t even think about sitting while they’re awake.

I bet I’m normal.  I know lots and lots of moms who do the same things.

Sometimes, though, I catch myself running at my frenetic pace and dipping into a bizarre set of simultazy.  Simultazy = simultaneous + crazy.

So, say a mom has a 20 minute commute to and from her part-time job.  That’s a lot of sitting-down time.

That mom is not gonna feel like she can waste that kind of divine gift simply waiting for the light to change.

That mom might keep a permanent set of tweezers in her glove box to pluck chin hairs.  Or eyebrow hairs.  Or lip hairs.  (If, God forbid, she has some.)

Or maybe she’ll do her make-up.

Or maybe she’ll make lists of things to take on vacation.

Or maybe she’ll scribble down blog entries on stained paper found on her passenger-side floor.

That, friends, is simultazy.  That has got to stop.  That woman is nuts, and someone should tell her so.

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
12 comments
  1. What’s funny is that it seems the light that you get in your car is PERFECT for seeing those little whiskers. I imagine, anyway.

  2. I have a pair of tweezers in my glovebox too! So funny. I popped over here from Kristen’s blog. It’s nice to “meet” you.

    1. Nice to meet you, too, Dawn! Welcome. I’m always happy to meet another fan of tweezing. 😉

  3. Nuts….or complete GENIUS!

    By the way…I mentioned you on my blog today…hope that’s ok! Gotta share the hilarity!

    1. Yay! Thanks, Kristen.

  4. Janelle – thanks for the thought! You’re right, though. Sadly, a clean pad of paper is wasted on me. The dirty ones seem to work fine, and it’s my little piece of keeping things green by recycling. Unintentional recycler. That’s me!

    Laurel – so great to hear from you! I think about you often and miss you. I hope things are going well for you and Corey!

  5. I’m so glad to not be the only one who finds driving a significantly inefficient use of time.

    Miss you so much – so glad to keep in touch with you through your blog. Much love!

  6. I love your blog so much, I would buy you a nice clean pad of paper to keep in your car, but I know how long that would last….. Keep it up…boring is overrated.

  7. I am so glad I started reading your blog – hilarious! Good stuff 🙂

    1. Thanks, Megan. Don’t tell anyone. I don’t want to get a reputation. 😉

  8. Might I suggest a DARK tint on all the windows of the vehicle? (Except for the windshield, which would be unsafe.)

    L.

    1. Thanks for the tip, Larry. If I find out anyone’s plucking hair in a car, I’ll pass along your advice. Someone who’s well practiced in the art of car-based hair plucking might, and you understand I’m just guessing here, also be well practiced in off-setting her car from the car next to her so as to block such a view from other drivers.
      Beth

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