The Electro Cuban

Cai, Cael and I have been reading a book about water safety.  Boats, life jackets, anchors, paddles, how to bail water, etc., etc. and so forth.  Their minds are sponges at age 4, and it’s fun to watch them soak up knowledge.

Last night, Cael asked me to explain the Electro Cuban.

The Electro Cuban? I said.

Yes, Cael confirmed.  The Electro Cuban. ...  read more

Winter Storm Death Watch

WINTER STORM DEATH WATCH TWO THOUSAND ELEVEN

I plagiarized that from my friend Nate. Is it plagiarism if you credit the source?  Either way, it was the best Facebook post of the morning.

Snow on the ground, folks!  There’s snow on the ground!

This is how we react:

  1. We get 1/2″ of snow.
  2. The entire area panics and cancels everything.
  3. The rest of the world scoffs at our patheticness.
  4. We sit back and chuckle into our hot chocolate.

It’s a vicious cycle, and I love it very much.

I can’t say being stuck in bed for our only snow day of the year is my favorite thing.  Nor, guessing from the paternal sighs emanating from downstairs, is Greg very enthusiastic about my absence. ...  read more

Little House on the Prairie

I feel very Little House on the Prairie right now.

Kids: Pa!  Ma’s stuck in bed with pneumonia and the winter storm’s comin’ on!  What are we gonna do, Pa?

Pa: Well, we hardly know how to feed and clothe ourselves without yer Ma, but we’re just gonna do the best we can, kids. The best we can.

Yeah, that’s not exactly how it’s going.  It’s actually a touch disheartening how well everyone does without my intervention, which is why I have to write TV scripts to make myself feel better. ...  read more

Not Boring, Always Weird

“Mom!” Abby yelled, indignantly.  “Ian called me weird!”

“Yes, Abby.  You’re weird,” I replied.  “Ian’s weird.  I’m weird.  We’re all weird in this family.  We only let the weirdos in, because normal people are boring.  Sorry.  It’s something of a family curse. You see, once upon a time, approximately forty years ago, your Papa vowed to your Nana that she’d never be bored.  From that point on, we were doomed.  Our special contribution to the No Boredom Curse is being a family of weirdos.  You’re welcome.” ...  read more

On Your Marker Contest Winners

On Sunday, I shared an artistic masterpiece I created at the tender age of 11.  Because nothing says “Happy B-day, Mommy” like a frowning man in a dress.

By way of a contest, I invited you to rewrite the inside of the card (without revealing my original message), and, boy howdy, did you come through.  At every response, I deeply regretted issuing the challenge because I have some sort of bronchial mess going on, and you made me laugh and cough and laugh and cough. ...  read more

I have to wash my hair.

Greg and I have a large capacity for handling sick kids.

In the middle of the night, by just the light of the moon and an LED nightlight, we can change vomit-laced sheets, reroute children to new beds, stop bloody noses in less than 5 minutes flat, open up asthmatic airways, and correctly dose medications in syringes, droppers and spoons.

Our skills were honed the same way desperate parents throughout time have perfected their craft.  Practice, practice, practice. ...  read more

Paraphernalia

Today’s vocabulary word is paraphernalia.

Paraphernalia – (noun, plural) personal belongings

Used in a sentence:  Five kids have a freaking lot of paraphernalia.

I swear on the Environmentalists’ Holy Handbook that I do my ever-loving best to reduce, reuse, and recycle, but every school day we still have to handle:

  • 3 backpacks
  • 2 homework folders
  • 3 lunches
  • 4 snacks
  • 2 preschool buckets
  • 1 dance bag with 5 different pairs of dance shoes, bobby pins, hair nets, leotards, tights, shorts, and  hip hop gear
  • 1 preschool sharing bag complete with sharing item and written clues
  • 1 martial arts uniform
  • 1 tumbling leotard and shorts
  • 5 coats
  • 5 pairs of shoes

I love it when that stuff leaves my house. ...  read more