Caffeine: Strong, Dark, and Yes, Please

Today is Day 8 of Single Parenting.

And today is the day I’m doubling my daily caffeine intake.

Ah, caffeine.

I love you, caffeine.

Several years ago, I cut caffeine out of my diet entirely.  I felt so self-righteous.

“Do you want some coffee, Beth?”

“No, thank you.  I don’t drink caffeine.  It’s poison, you know.”

I don’t really know if caffeine is poison.  I just felt much more self-righteous  saying that as if it’s so.

“Beth, are you eating chocolate?”

“Of course I am.”

“Did you know chocolate has caffeine in it?”

“I choose not to believe that.”  Always practical, that’s me.  Facts?  Who needs ’em?  No one likes a chocolate alarmist.

I quit caffeine one day while pouring myself a cup of coffee.  The sunlight was streaming through the window in one of those perfect ribbons that cuts through the dust particles and makes you think that the light has split itself into tiny, bright, glittering chunks of luminescence.  As the light hit the coffee on its way from the carafe to my cup, it shone like liquid gold.

I whispered to my coffee, “You’re so pretty.”

My own personal Gollum moment.  Precious.

You know how people say they can quit any time?  Yeah, well, I decided I’d better see if I really could.

I could.

I did.

No caffeine for me for 6 years.  Yay, me!

Then I had twins.

And I haven’t quit drinking caffeine ever since.

So, despite the fact that I’m doubling my caffeine intake for today (just today — yeah, right), I’m not worried.  I haven’t once, all week long, talked aloud to my coffee.

Maybe once or twice in my head.

Maybe I thought she looked particularly sassy and darkly delicious sitting in my cup.

Maybe I sighed as she warmed my hands.

Maybe I winked to her.

But I didn’t talk out loud.

No, sirree.

This girl has boundaries when it comes to talking to inanimate objects.  (Please ignore the post where I talked to my pneumonia meds.  Thank you.)

Why all the caffeine today?

Because a) I’m tired, and b) I planned to0 much.

Sure, the cures for regular people are to a) sleep more, and b) slow down.

Silly, silly regular people.

As for me and my kids, we’re headed to the beach.

Come on.  We only have 2 more sleeps ’til the whole family is back together.  We have to live it up!

More soon.  Hopefully from somewhere wet, cold, overcast, and sandy.  Now, if that doesn’t sound like fun, I don’t know what does!

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
13 comments
  1. Beth: I know it’s an old post, but I figured you’d like this. A few years ago, I was working as a barista during a Halloween mall trick or treat thing. A woman came in dragging behind three small kids. They sat at a table, and she came up to get snacks and drinks. It looked like she would have slept right there on my counter if we gave her two seconds.

    She couldn’t decide on a drink for herself, so I said it looked like she needed a shot in the dark. I explained that was a drip coffee with two shots in it. Her eyes got wide and bright and she actually smiled.

    I handed it over with one warning: don’t ever let a barista talk you into drinking a gravedigger*. No matter how tired you are. When they left, the kids were starting to drag and she seemed to have gotten a second wind.

    **Gravedigger** The largest drip coffee a place serves with 8-10 shots. I’ve never heard of anybody actually drinking one. But because I live in the same Venn diagram that you do, I might try it one day. Just to prove I can. Cause REASONS.

  2. […] my regularly scheduled cup of celebratory I Got the Children to School Semi-On-Time Again! GO, ME! coffee, and my alarm reminding me to take my medication, and my plans to find and don underwear because […]

  3. no! it’s no fun not liking coffee! i wanna be like you when I grow up!

  4. I would love to be inside your head for 5 straight minutes! “You’re so pretty!”?? That there’s gold, my friend.

    What’s wrong with me? I used to like, no, love coffee, drank it all day long, but now I can barely get through a half cup. I wanna love it again. So bad.

    1. Ha!

      Well, my head *is* a pretty fun place to hang out. When it’s not creepy and weird. 😉

      Good girl, staying away from the coffee habit. I want to be like you when I grow up.

  5. almost makes me want to take up drinking coffee 😉

    1. more of tea girl myself… (with milk, like a proper English teacher 😉 ) I’ve been known to my tea though, does that count?

      1. Yes. Talking to any caffeinated beverage counts.

        I love inventing new life rules. Thanks for enabling me.

      2. you’re welcome! I love being your enabler 😉

  6. Beth, I can’t get enough of your blog posts!!! You are so hilariously honest! And no sweat, you aren’t alone in your quest of coffee/no coffee. I’ve been there and decided, for now, that coffee is an essential art of my diet. Oh yeah, I’ve been known to talk talk to my coffee too, I’ve just never admitted it;-)

    1. Aw! Thanks, Sarah.

      I admit these things so the greater world doesn’t have to. My public service. 😉

  7. Thank you for reminding me to reheat the coffee I didn’t finish this morning. *bliss*

    1. My pleasure! Truly. 🙂

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