Lucky Charms

Apr 18 2011

Proven facts:

  • If you feed your children sugar cereal, they’ll grow up to be fat, lazy and have bad teeth.
  • If you feed your kid rice cakes, rye crackers, plain cheerios (not the honey nut kind – are you crazy??), your children will grow up to be healthy, contributing members of society.

Those facts are true unless you’re my husband.

Or me.

OK, so they may not be true at all.  But it sounded good when I started.

Greg was raised on Lucky Charms.  I’m pretty sure Greg’s mom offered Raisin Bran, too, but I’m almost positive Greg didn’t eat it.

Greg has never had a weight problem.

Greg is a smart, healthy, contributing member of society.

Greg thinks he should eat only when he’s hungry.

Seriously.  Please feel free to be as irritated by that as I am.

We have conversations that go like  this:

“Greg, do you want some of this double chocolate fudge layer cake?”

“No, thanks.  I’m not hungry.”

I’m sorry, but are you kidding me?  What does double chocolate fudge layer cake have to do with hunger?

Nothing, I tell you.

Not one thing.

You eat double chocolate fudge layer cake because it’s yummy.  And because it makes the bad feelings go away.  (Ha!  Just kidding on that last one.  Kind of.)

In fact, one of the main reasons I run is so I can eat double chocolate fudge layer cake.  I saw a van once when I participated in a relay race.  The women in it had decorated all the windows.  One window read, “We run so we can eat.”  I wanted to hang out in that van.

By contrast to Greg’s childhood, I was not allowed to have Lucky Charms.  My mother was very good about having a healthy house.  We ate Adam’s natural, no sugar peanut butter.  And then I bought and hid tubs of Betty Crocker fudge frosting under my bed to eat by the spoonful.  Or went down the street to my friend Shannon’s house where I’d beg a Carnation Instant Breakfast bar off of them.  Heaven!

Enter parenting.

I kind of preemptively lost the sugar cereal battle.

Like, what am I gonna say?  I’m so much healthier for excluding it?  Eating Adam’s-peanut-butter-and-natural-honey-covered rice cakes gave me such a good attitude toward food?

Greg brought home more Lucky Charms this week.  (Actually, it was a bag of Magic Stars, the knock-off brand, but that doesn’t have the name recognition.  Name brand cereal while feeding five kids?  Hahahaha!)

Lucky Charms makes the natural Mommy in me crazy.

No one noticed the difference, though, since I operate on Crazy most of the time.

When Cai saw his Daddy’s bag of crappy goodness, he did an actual happy dance.

We pray before dinner on the nights when we sit down to eat all together.  My kids fight over who gets to pray.  There’s yelling.  There are tears.  It’s darling.

Cai won the knock-down, drag-out prayer fight the night Greg brought home more Lucky Charms.  This was his prayer:

Dear Jesus,

I played wiff my fwends.

No timeouts at We-anne’s house.

Daddy bought Wucky Chahms!  Yay!  YayayayayaaaAAAAAYYY!

Amen

I’m so proud.