From My Punkins to Yours: Happy Halloween!

My kids’ favorite part of Halloween, like every holiday, is posing for pictures.

I can only assume that my children are such willing photograph subjects because I’m a better mom than mine was.  After all, some of the most important parts of parenting are analyzing the ways we were parented, finding them terribly lacking, making corrections, and ultimately deeming ourselves superior parents in every way. ...  read more

Sensical, Nonsensical, and Nuclear Bomb Research

I am more common sensical than my husband.  By way of evidence, I offer the fact that I can prioritize a bleeding, screaming child over, oh, say, hypothetically, the next line of code I’m writing on my computer.  (Like I’ve ever written code.  Bah!)

My husband is smarter than me.  By way of evidence, I offer the fact that he read the first line of this post and noticed that I wrote “sensical,” which is not technically a word.  I didn’t ask him if he noticed; I simply know it’s true.  Just like I know that it unsettled him because using “sensical” was incorrect.  I should have said, “I have more common sense than my husband.”  But I didn’t.  Because that was WAY MORE fun for me. ...  read more

The Transitive Property of Parenting

This conversation between my cousin and his kid just happened at my dinner table:

My cousin:  Do you want ketchup?
The kid:  Yes.
My cousin:  Do you want ketchup?
The kid:  Yes.
My cousin:  Do you want ketchup?
The kid:  Yes.
My cousin:  Do you want ketchup?
The kid:  Yes.
My cousin:  Do you want ketchup?
The kid:  Yes, PLEASE.

My cousin to me:  The key to effective parenting is repetition. ...  read more

On Going Potty and Being Brave

Sometimes, I wonder if my preschool son will ever be willing to go to the bathroom alone.

He’s five.  He’s social.  He detests solo time.  And, since he has a twin brother and a large family, he quite literally never has to do anything unaccompanied.

I admit that sometimes I think I should force the issue.  “Go potty!  Go alone, child!”  Because we mamas; we like to second-guess ourselves.  It’s much easier than giving ourselves the benefit of the doubt.  After all, parenting is serious. It’s the most important thing we’ll ever do. And what if he’s still inviting me to take him potty when he’s 47?  Because I don’t think I can do this ’til I’m 70, guys! ...  read more

Lost: Dignity. If found… nevermind.

I forgot, when I had children, to put a dog-tag and collar on my dignity.  I’m afraid, even if someone does find it, bedraggled, cold, famished and shivering on the side of the highway, that it’s irretrievably lost to me.  For no one will recognize it as mine.

My 9-year-old: “Mom, do you have to go potty or are you just dancing again?”
Me: “Um. Just dancing again. Thanks for asking, Aden.”
Aden: “You’re welcome, Mom. You always say to ask if I have a question, so that’s what I did.”
Me: “Well, I’m sure glad we had this conversation.” ...  read more

This Little Piggy (means more bacon for me!)

(pig butt courtesy of The Collective)

Dear Vegetarian Readers,

Run.  Run now.  Save yourselves!

This is not a drill.

Yours Truly,
The Emergency Vegetarian Protection System

……….

OK.  If you’re still reading, you’re either an omnivore or a carnivore… or a vegetarian who’s very, very bad at following directions.  Yes?  Excellent.  Then I have something in common with each of you, and I feel super close to you right now.  Group hug! ...  read more

Halloween Help Is Here!

Woodland Creatures photo courtesy of Fawn and Feather

photo credit Heather Espana

If you, like me, are in the depths of despair over your kids’ Halloween costumes, realizing That Day is just over a week away and you have done, oh, say, NOTHING about facilitating them, finding them, or funding them, then this post is for you.  Keep reading, because you’re about to receive personalized, professional help. ...  read more