Just Plane Sick

In a few hours, we’re going to meet people we don’t know who’ve generously offered to let us stay in their home in Guatemala. I’m bringing vomit-laced clothes as a thank you gift because thank you gifts are important if you ever want to be invited back.

It’s good to make trips memorable, though, right? Otherwise, what’s the point? And taking a 10-year-old kiddo back to visit her birth country for the first time since her adoption at a year old? Well. THAT I want to make extra memorable. Yes, I do.

Which is why I politely puked my guts all over the entire First Class section where we were pleasantly shocked to find ourselves sitting what with purchasing economy tickets and all. Fortunately, the Grand Hurling Event occurred at 1:00am when everyone was asleep and we were somewhere over Kansas so no one cared. (No offense, Kansas. It’s not you; it’s me.)

I don’t think I can describe the vomit sitch exactly. I mean, of course I’m going to TRY ’cause I’m still a little ralphy and this is distracting. Long story short, I wasn’t feeling so hot. Next, I filled a “motion discomfort” bag. Then the bottom of the bag BROKE OPEN, you guys. Broke. All the way. Open. So let’s just say at one point I was using my hand to bail puke from my lap into a garbage bag lest the whole ship go down.

Lots of paper towels and fun opportunities to see myself in my bra & panties in the airplane bathroom later, our plane landed.

I threw my pants away in Miami.

(Sorry, Miami. See note to Kansas.)

Here we sit, waiting to board our plane for Guatemala as I type this on the phone.

I didn’t drink on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day, and I’ve decided I don’t have the flu. I simply can’t have the flu on Day One of my kid’s birth country trip. So out of necessity this is food poisoning or a random act of motion sickness. Do we have our stories straight? Excellent. Then let’s carry on.

Off we go! Laughing all the way, friends. Laughing all the way.

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
20 comments
  1. This happened to me once, but it wasn’t me that ralphed – it was my husband, leaning over my lap so as to not alarm the other passengers with his puking, and the “discomfort bag” busted all over my legs. And my backpack. And all of my other belongings. When we got off the plane at our destination, all of our stuff was in garbage sacks, my pants were soaking wet (tried to wash them in the lavatory sink), and I was only wearing one sock – the other foot was barefoot. Nice, eh? Good thing I love that guy. Hope your trip is fabulous!

  2. From now on, I will always ALWAYS keep extra pants in my carry on. I cannot believe the chances I have taken in the past. What if you had to stay in the airplane bathroom (kudos for being able to change in there without falling out the door or flushing a shoe) in your bra and unders forever??

  3. I’m with Betty–I keep telling myself I shouldn’t laugh as I go into yet another gale of giggles. We also have hopes of visiting our sons’ birth country with them so I understand your declaration that this trip is too important for this to be the flu! Praying for a wonderful trip for you and your daughter as well as just enough adventure for to keep things extra memorable (in a good way)!

  4. Oh my. I totally confess to laughing at…er…WITH you, but at the same time, can I just say THANK YOU? Thank you for confirming what I’ve always thought about those flimsy little bags. I don’t normally deal with motion sickness, what with all the anti-nausea medication I take (did you know you can go through withdrawl from the stuff? Nasty business, that.), but just to be on the safe side, I will definitely be BYOBB (bring your own barf bag) next time I travel. 🙂 Oh, and hoorah! for you for ending up in First Class. SWEET.

  5. So I read this post to son Ian as we waited for lunch at The Lucky Fortune today. If he starts to puke the $19.75 lunch I just bought him we’re quickly heading to your house. Walking.

    1. By the way, that was Dave’s comment on my log-in. He’s the one responsible for that Lucky Fortune lunch with left-overs for the week.

  6. This is not Funny I tell my self………..then why am I sitting here laughing my head off out loud and nobody around. I felt bad for you as I read it, but it didnt stop me from laughing.Giggle giggle……here I go again. I will have a mental picture of this in my mind for a while, and will start laughing again and my Joe will never figure out why cause some things just aren’t as funny if you try to retell the story …….

  7. praying for you to feel better and able to be present on this amazing trip. Also, since everything in first class is better, you would think the motion sickness bag would be, too.

  8. Oh, I am so sorry. Vomiting is my very LEAST favorite things to do EVER. Like, even if I know I’ll feel better after. Hope that doesn’t happen again, and that you can fully enjoy this trip.
    And thank you for being such a champion for all us moms out here who feel like we are the only ones that ever find ourselves in predicaments such as this. You provide such an amazing service to real women everywhere.

    1. Thanks, Cathie. Not everyone appreciates a good puke story. 😉 I’m glad you know why I write.

  9. I’m going to be the mean person and ask “preggers?”

    Sorry. Its always the question I ask my friends when they get a bought of nausea out of the blue.

    Have a great time on your trip! That is such a beautiful area with wonderful people!

    1. Hahahaha!

      Also, noooooooooo.

      Also, hahahaha!

  10. No buts about it, Beth. You are a champ! Eternally impressed 🙂

  11. Oh my gosh! I have tears streaming down my face after reading this post!
    I am so looking forward to hearing about the rest of your adventure! 😉

    1. Hehehe. Thanks, Noel. I grossed some people out so it’s good to know you find this as entertaining as me.

  12. I’m so sorry to say this but I actually love this story. I’ve always thought those dainty little puke bags were a joke so I’m glad to that confirmed. Thank you for your diligent research. Also, I think this beats out the story of how my son pooped through all of his extra clothing on an international flight and we had to change him in those horrible little bathrooms and he arrived to visit his grandparents wearing his big brother’s clothes. So what if I smelled a little but like poop.

    I hope your trip is full of many more wonderful adventures!

    1. And I love you for loving this story. Even in the middle of the mess it was cracking me up. So glad I have you to laugh with me. And tell me your sick story too.

  13. I think it is really great what you are doing! My husband and I plan on adopting from a couple different countries and I hope I can do this with my (future) kids too!

    PS-Sorry you yacked on the plane, I’ve been there and it sucks…

    1. Thanks, Jessica. Also, thanks for using the word yacked. I forgot about that one.

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