Der, Tooth Fairy

Apr 30 2013

Our codependent relationship with the Tooth Fairy is well chronicled. I know. And I hate to beat a dead horse, but, really, if you’re going to beat a horse at all, one that’s already dead is definitely the best kind, right? ‘Cause who wants to go around beating a live horse? NO ONE. That’s who.

We had, um, a little malfunction with the Tooth Fairy a couple of nights ago. Yeah, yeah; wake you up when something new happens. BUT WAIT. The Tooth Fairy actually came, you guys. On schedule. Turning over a new leaf after her last stint in Tooth Fairy rehab. She’s trying to change. She, like, pinky swore and everything. And there she was! On time, and, if not exactly clean or well groomed, well, at least clothed. In pajamas, but whatever. Baby steps.

She did her work and left, and it was so easy. Such a relief! To not wait up. To not cover for her in the morning. To not panic or rush or scramble for change.

And then Cael woke up and reached under his pillow… and came up with a half-dollar.

Not a shiny half-dollar coin.

A paper dollar. Ripped in half. But only one half of it. Which is…




Just… GAH!

So we obviously offered to trade the poor kid a whole, real dollar for his pathetic, ripped dollar, but he wouldn’t take it.

The Tooth Fairy, he said, would want to know. The Tooth Fairy, he said, would want to make it right. So he wrote her a letter.

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Der Tooth Fairy,

Can I hav a nothr dollar? Myn is rippt.


DER, Tooth Fairy. Doy. Duh. DER. I COULD NOT have said it better myself, son.

So last night, the second night, he stuck the letter under his pillow. And guess what? The Tooth Fairy didn’t show. Did. Not. Show. SERIOUSLY. WHAT IS HER DEAL? Is this so hard, Tooth Fairy? 

Fortunately for everyone, the kid didn’t remember in the morning. But I did while we were out running errands this afternoon, and I frantically texted Greg…

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… and offered to cover for her. AGAIN.


You guys, I’m pretty sure I need counseling or a sponsor or something. Because no matter how hard I try, I cannot quit being the Tooth Fairy’s enabler on my own.

There’s a dollar under my kid’s pillow right now. A whole dollar, waiting to be found. And I’m going to let that unreliable whack-job of a tooth fairy take the credit. Again.

So my question for you is… how do I stop this vicious cycle? Is there hope? Have you found some? What is it? Where? And how do I get in on it?