School’s Almost Out: It’s Time to Start Lying

May 31 2013

School is almost out. I can tell because my son took dead flies for Show & Tell yesterday, and he brought a hoe to school today. There’s nothing that screams we’re drinking the dregs of the school year like the kindergartner hauling around desecrated insects and shouting “Mom! Hurry up with that hoe!” across the parking lot of the nice Christian school.

School is almost out. Oh, yes it is. And like the indomitable Jen Hatmaker pointed out, thank God ’cause the best of us are crawling on our bloody hands and knees to the finish line and the rest of us just flat-out collapsed on the course weeks ago. I, for example, am sitting in the medic tent with an IV drip and I don’t even care that I’m not going to get my finisher t-shirt this time. They said when I’m done rehydrating I can have a cookie; that’s good enough for me.

So. Let’s talk about the summer, shall we? It’s right around the corner. Which means it’s time to start lying to ourselves and lying hard, parents.


And these are the lies I will tell myself:

1. The summer is easier than the school year. 
2. I need a break, and I will get one.
3. This is the time to kick back and RELAX.

Listen; I know honesty is important. But I like to save honesty for when I really need it. Like when I’m having a mental breakdown after a long summer of lying to myself. The end of August is a good time for honesty where honesty = a beer, a bag of Pop Chips and a novel that will rot my brain. But this is not that time. No; there is a season for everything under the sun, and this is the season for lying.

Lying, after all, has been very, very good to me.

When I found out our 4th kid was going to come with a twin brother, for example, and I wasn’t sure I could handle 5 kids, I lied to myself. You can do it, Beth, I said. You’re going to be GREAT at this, I said. No sweat, I said. Sleep is overrated, I said. I lied and lied and lied because lying was better than packing my bags and moving to Mexico. And you know where lying got me? Through parenting five kids is where. I rest my case.

At the end of August, I will lie to myself again. And these are the lies I will tell myself:

1. The school year is easier than the summer.
2. We need a routine and the homework is worth it.
3. The fall is here; it’s time to RELAX after a surprisingly busy summer.

The End



P.S. There are other lies I plan to tell myself very soon. My daughter gets her driver’s permit this summer, so this one tops the list: Teaching a kid to drive? Piece of cake.

What essential lies are you telling yourself? Any you’d recommend to other parents in need of a few good stories?


“Pinocchio” image credit to africa via