Pictures on My Phone: an And Then Story

This in an And Then story.

Ready?

Here we go.

I was looking through the pictures on my phone because my friend Jody got married this weekend, so Facebook needed updating. Obviously. After all, everyone knows you weren’t really there until you’ve Facebooked it.

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Besides, I had some specific pictures I didn’t want to lose.

Jody let me coordinate her wedding, which is an activity I highly recommend to mamas everywhere. See, when you coordinate a wedding, people listen to you and do what you say. It’s like a miracle. During pictures, for example, you get to say things like, “Come here.” And they come. And, “Stand there for 2 minutes and don’t move.” And they stand still. And, my favorite, “Look at the camera and smile.” And get this — they look at the camera and smile at the same time. I’m still totally high from this experience.

My very favorite part of wedding coordinating, though, is the quiet moment when I’m all alone, hiding from the congregation and watching the bride walk down the aisle toward a new future.

They never look back. Not ever.

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It’s beautiful.

As was the sunlight streaming through the oak grove as Jody and Jeremy pledged their love to each other.

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As were the bride’s toes after all-day outdoor set-up on rehearsal day.

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Heh heh.

Yeah. I knew these pictures were on my phone, so I picked it up and started scrolling, ready to smile and laugh a little.

I wasn’t surprised to see that one of my little punks had swiped my phone for a surreptitious photo shoot, so I rolled my eyes, as usual, at the pics of Cai’s feet and the crap under the seats in our car and the gopher holes that are our lawn.

And I laughed out loud at the kid who snuck around while we were sleeping and snapped Greg sprawled in bed in his boxers. 😀

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And then I kept scrolling ’til I got to the picture of a completely bare butt. A giant picture of a completely bare butt filling the whole screen. 

And then I tracked down the most likely culprit and said, “Dude. Did you take my phone while we were sleeping?”

And then he giggled and said, “Yep.”

And then I said, “And did you take a picture of Dad in his undies?”

And then he giggled and said, “Yep.”

And then I said, “And did you take a picture of a nekked butt?”

And then he covered his mouth in glee and said, “Yep.”

And then I said, “Whose butt is this, man?”

And then he looked at me, surprised, and said, “Yours, Mom. Can’t you tell by how giant it is?”

Bahahaha… ha…  ha… heh?

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Yeah.

It was my butt.

The End

(literally)

……….

Here are 2 other And Then stories:

  1. Grandma Mabel’s Banana Bread
  2. Teaching Kids Not to Swear

……….

If you have a story detailing why you’re glad you no longer have to send your film in for professional developing — “Hello, Walgreens Photo Guy! Why, yes, that was my bare end. Thanks for asking.” — do tell.

For example, this would be the perfect time for my dad to tell the Tinkerbell story. (That sound you just heard was my dad hitting the under side of the bus. Wheeeee!)

……….

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
7 comments
  1. Yay! I emailed you earlier asking if you were ok because you dissapeared, and really it was my computer that was jacked up. Just to let you know, I found you again, which is the “yay” part, and after reading this post, I snort laughed.
    So glad you are back!

  2. Well, I am ever so grateful that you can just hit “delete” and lose pictures that you never want to see again. I detest most pictures of myself.
    And my 10 year old boy-child has an enormous sense of humor, an ipod, and an Instagram account, so he will NEVER view this mama’s nekkid buttocks. Trust me, everybody’s better off.

  3. This question is so far from the lovely wedding, but I’m not techno bloggy swift enough to ask this question in a more suitable place. Sorry. So, um, hat please is the secret to successfully scrubbing the weird toilet bowl stains that you discovered a while back and posted for your lucky readers. The remedy, not the weird stain. I am serious. I think it was something strange like waterproof sand paper? Is that posdible? I don’t for asecond, have the moxy to ask a Home Depot employee about this. Thank you. And, your son has a great sense of humor.

    1. You might try a pumice stone. They work wonders!

  4. Tinkerbell? Bus? I’m lost… Might have something to do with the 35degree-weather over here (Celsius that is 😉 ) Do tell Old Marine! 😀

  5. I’m dying. Oh My. Thanks for the laugh on this Monday filled with busy busyness.

  6. When I was in the hospital with a very extended hospital stay with my newborn, my super fabulous sister picked up my, um, crotch shots, or show all birth pics that I LOVE. And yes, we then went out to pizza with my girlfriends and passed them around the table. Maybe I freaked my friends out (not my sister).

    So, now Old Marine – your turn – and please tell me you didn’t kill Tinkerbell.

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