An Open Letter to the Girl Scouts of the USA on the REAL Issue With Your Organization

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Dear Girl Scouts of the USA,

I know you’ve had your share of controversies over the last few years, and I don’t mean to fan the flames, but I’ve thought about this long and hard, and I believe I would be remiss if I neglected to bring one additional, and, frankly, much bigger issue to your attention.

Now, I get that you are all, clearly, a bunch of left-leaning, lesbian, feminist, pro-abortionists who brilliantly cover up your true motives by:

a) having no policy whatsoever on human sexuality, birth control or abortion, stating instead that it’s your role to “help girls develop self-confidence and good decision-making skills that will help them make wise choices in all areas of their lives,” 

b) teaching girls to pursue four goals: developing their full potential; relating to others with increasing understanding, skill, and respect; developing a meaningful set of values to guide their actions and make sound decisions; and contributing to the improvement of society,

and, c) disguising yourselves for the last 102 years as highly intelligent, poised, motivated, active women who tirelessly promote leadership skills in young women, counting women in both major US political parties among your most famous members,

but I have a hard time understanding why the BIGGEST Girl Scout issue of our time is constantly being swept under the rug. Or perhaps I should say the littlest issue, because, Girlfriends, here it is:

The sizes of those boxes of crack cookies you sell are too small.

Way too small. Way, WAY too small.

And that is a matter that needs addressing.

Obviously, your marketing department is extremely clever, using the hot button controversies of our time to camouflage serious underlying cookie issues.

I just have to wonder… do you think it’s still 1917? When people ate reasonably? Responsibly? Mindfully? And when consuming four Thin Mints at a time was possible? Instead of, say, an entire sleeve of 12… or two sleeves of 24, as the case may be? Because if you do, you’ve got us pegged wrong. Wrong, I tell you. WRONG.

Listen; I’m not here to tell you how to run your organization, but I’d like to respectfully suggest you take a step back from teaching values such as honesty, fairness, courage, compassion, character, sisterhood, confidence, and citizenship and step it up on the size of those cookie boxes already.

Yours truly,

Signature

 

 

 

Beth Woolsey
Five Kids Is A Lot Of Kids 

JulietteGordonLowP.S. I don’t want you thinking this letter is satire, because a) the boxes really are too small, ladies. I’ve gained ZERO POUNDS this cookie season because my chaos of children eats them ALL before I can get anywhere near those teeny, tiny boxes. Obviously, this will never do. I don’t want to be greedy, but I think you owe me at least a 5 pound weight gain. And b) that feminist thing is totally true. In 1916, Girl Scout founder, Juliette Gordon Low (pictured to the right) established an aviation badge—even before women could vote. The nerve!

P.P.S. I want to be like Juliette Gordon Low when I grow up. 

P.P.P.S. I look forward to your response, Girl Scouts. You can contact me at FiveKidsIsALotOfKids@gmail.com. 

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
24 comments
  1. And…you can write off girl scout cookie purchases on your taxes because it is technically a charitable donation. And I agree, those boxes should be bigger.

  2. Has everyone forgotten the reason for girl scout cookies?
    It is one of the few ways the Girl Scout Organization can earn money.
    The cookies are a bonus you get for supporting them.
    If you want more cookies, buy more boxes. You can buy as many boxes as you want.
    Considering the obesity rate in the US “… one-percentage-point uptick in the obesity rate so far in 2013 is statistically significant and is the largest year-over-year increase since 2009.” it’s good that the scouts are helping us with moderation.  Another thing they are doing right to help girls.

  3. Thank you SO MUCH for this post! Those are some dang small boxes of cookies!! Thank you so much for pointing out the awesomeness of the founding women of the Girl Scouts. 🙂

    Along those lines, I had a CRAZY encounter while selling said tiny-boxed cookies with my daughter on Friday. Yes, we sold cookies from 5-7pm on Valentine’s Day. Motherhood, huh?! Anyway, an older woman, when asked if she would like to buy cookies, told the girls, “No. I will not support Girl Scouts because of their affiliation with Planned Parenthood.” She then proceeded to start to explain WHY she could not support Planned Parenthood… to five six year olds who have NO IDEA where babies come from, much less what Planned Parenthood is. In my best sing-song-y teacher voice I wished her a very Happy Valentine’s Day and lovely evening. She started up again; I asked her to please move on to make way for other people exiting the store. Let’s just say that she was very lucky that I was wearing a big felt cookie costume and not holding a stick. Some folks!

    And I thought the itty-bitty nature of those $4 boxes of cookies was the most controversial issue out there…

  4. Fantastic response. My daughter is a Daisy this year and it is our first year selling cookies. I haven’t had them in years! (I was a scout for many years in my childhood). I forgot how good those suckers were! Also thank you for your well written response to all the other controversies surrounding the girl scouts these days. It really upsets me to see people make these outrageous claims against such a good well meaning group that only wants to empower young girls to be their best. That being said, now I need to go hunt down some Samoas. This third baby of mine that is currently residing in my womb is stealing all my cookies. =)

  5. You cannot fathom how refreshing it was for me to stumble on this fabulous piece. You see, I happen to be the mother of one (obvious with the name) certain employee of the GSUSA who is under constant, viscous, unwarranted attacks based on wingnut groups spreading lies and twisted information to their liking. This employee works tirelessly toward the goals of challenging young girls in developing strong character,compassion, and confidence, identifying their self-worth and strengths to carry into adulthood in whatever path they choose: scientists, doctors, teachers, stay-at-home moms (full-time or part-time). Women can do and be anything they want, and it is so wonderful we have such an admirable organization as the GSUSA helping our young girls realize this and having the tools to carry into adulthood. You go, girls! Now, LET’S EAT SOME COOKIES!!! Oh, and lest I forget, to all the naysayers going on and on about the health risks of your children eating cookies, step up to the plate and be a mom! If you can teach manners, proper hygiene, etc. to your children, you can teach MODERATION. It really isn’t hard.

  6. I wish I could help. We don’t eat GS cookies in my house. Well, my husband does, but he sneaks them. We do however, sell outrageously priced popcorn with the Cub Scouts. I think the unbelievably delicious chocolate popcorn should gain you some weight.
    I know this is totally the wrong time and place for this, but I personally would like to petition the Girl Scouts to get all the crap ingredients out of their cookies. Then maybe they wouldn’t be banned from our house.

  7. While as a consumer, I agree with you. Bigger boxes would be awesome. As a troop leader, please God NO! My arms & legs HURT, hurt from carrying all those boxes my cute little Brownie decided she needed to sell. 🙂

  8. I can not tell you how much I love this. I was a Girl Scout for 13 years and miss it SO much. I will be SO sad if my daughter doesn’t want to join. I may force her to for a year or two, though, just so I can stockpile some cookies – my mom would buy *cases* of cookies and keep them in our chest freezer in the garage so we could have them all year long. Hide your Thin Mints in the freezer, they are *AMAZING* frozen…especially if you somehow manage to forget about them until July!

  9. Exactly why I check your blog every single day, eagerly awaiting more of your humor. Love this!!

  10. No one’s even OFFERED us Girl Scout cookies this year, and we’ve “Easy Mark” written all over us.

    1. Would you like some cookies? I will gladly ship them to you…

  11. I’ve done my part. I’ve posted a link to my Facebook and called on the Girl Scout leaders I know to start a petition with the local council. LOL

  12. I absolutely love your letter! Between the fact that I really do not want to give my money to the girl scouts and that they have downsized the boxes to the point that we have to spend way to much money just to get everybody a bite (if your 5 make a “chaos” what do my 6 make?) we have finally given up on the cookies. My husband found these links the other week. Sometime when the kids and I have nothing better to do (Ha!) or the craving for chocolate and mint or peanut butter is just too much for me we may give them a try. But here they are if anyone else is desperate for a homemade version of their favorites!
    http://www.foxnews.com/recipe/homemade-samoas
    http://www.foxnews.com/recipe/homemade-tagalongs
    http://www.foxnews.com/recipe/homemade-do-si-dos
    http://www.foxnews.com/recipe/homemade-thin-mints

    1. my mom made an even easier version of thin mints in the winter. I think all she did was melt some of the chocolate mint chips, dip a ritz cracker in the melted candy and let set.
      Cheaper and easy. But if you still want to support the girl scouts, you can buy a box or two of another type 🙂

  13. For my 13th birthday party, one of my friends presented me with five (FIVE!) boxes of thin mints, each individually beautifully wrapped.

    Twelve years later she is still one of my best friends.

    Because CEMENTED FOR LIFE, dude!

  14. I must confess I have never had Girl Scout cookies…

  15. Ironic. Considering the boxes are actually shrinking as the prices go up. The boxes were a lot bigger 25 years ago when I was selling them! Bring back the older boxes!!

    1. I believe the boxes held 10% – 25% more back in the 1980s when I sold them.

  16. You’re spot on, here.

    THANK YOU for having the courage to speak the TRUTH even when it’s hard. Even when you might open yourself up to criticism. In a world where black and white keep shifting to gray, it’s people like YOU, the no-holds-barred Truth Tellers, that give me hope. Thank you for addressing the real issues, and taking on the tough opponents.

    Please keep up the good work.

    You. Are. My. Hero.

    P.S. I am also thinking I will forgo the brownies, brocolli, throw pillows from target, beer, AND cheese….and just bring you some dang thin mints. And maybe a lock box in which to keep them safe from your Chaos. 😉

  17. Beth,

    As a former girl scout… I hear ya.

    But in case you are really in need of a fix (and a project):

    http://psych-inthekitchen.blogspot.com/2012/10/samoa-cake.html

    http://psych-inthekitchen.blogspot.com/2012/04/samoa-bars.html

    Also, thin mint cake: chocolate cake, add peppermint extract, cover in chocolate peppermint ganache (chocolate chips stirred with boiling cream, add peppermint).

  18. Now this is really funny.

  19. “my chaos of children” is that like a “murder of crows” or a “rafter of turkeys” or a ? I certainly hope so because that is how I will be using it from now on!!

    1. Absolutely, Eva! I’ve written about our Chaos of Children here: http://bethwoolsey.com/2011/11/on-chaos-and-magic/

      1. Awesome!! And thanks for directing me to a new post to enjoy, I hadn’t seen that one before! I also liked the Schadenfreude Pants (you rock for putting links to even more wonderful posts right there in your posts so that I can just wander around all afternoon while I am supposed to be cooking dinner 🙂 )

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