Drop Off Service Available

May 7 2014

Greg and I were walking downtown the other night when we saw this sign.

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You guys. YOU GUYS! Drop Off Service Available! And it doesn’t say what kind. Which means ALL THE KINDS. All the kinds of Drop Offs available! I’m going back tomorrow to drop off 27 things.

  1. My 14 year old’s work ethic.
  2. My 14 year old’s mom’s work ethic.
  3. My dog’s midnight intruder-alert barking. 
  4. All the dirty laundry.
  5. DEPRESSION.
  6. All the Bad Theology in All the World.
  7. The stuff under my couch.
  8. The word moist.
  9. Cancer. 
  10. Every bill.
  11. Making sandwiches.
  12. Painful shoes.
  13. All of the hairs that grow under my chin.
  14. Tangles.
  15. Pee on the floor.
  16. Pee in the bathtub.
  17. Pee in my bed.
  18. Minus #’s 17 and 18, ’cause those are too funny to let go.
  19. The incessant whining at bedtime. (Kids.)
  20. The incessant whining at wake-up time. (Me.)
  21. The smell of 5th-8th graders.
  22. Ear zits.
  23. Nose zits.
  24. Zits after age 40.
  25. Running out of cream for my coffee.
  26. Insecurity.
  27. All the things that are wet and not mine.

P.S. I can’t wait to see what they give me in exchange since I obviously can’t give them 27 things for nothing. I assume they’ll give me fancy cheese, but I wouldn’t say no to self-filling toilet paper dispensers. I’m open either way.

OregonianOmamasEventP.P.S. Go here and here to enter to win lunch at the Portland Art Museum with the Oregonian Omamas and me this Tuesday! Or purchase tickets for just $5 here.

P.P.P.S. What are you going to drop off?? I need a more complete list.