Practically Pinterest: New Ways to Use Golden Books

May 16 2014

In the 70’s and 80’s – you know, back when spanking was a thing – my brother used to shove Golden Books down his pants when he got in trouble. That way, he was ready for any consequences, no matter how dire. Just like a Boy Scout, my brother. Always prepared.

It was a good strategy, overall, except that Golden Books are square, of course, and butts are round, but whatever. It was still a pretty quick move for a 4 year old.

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Today, I was watching my brother’s kids – ages 3, 4 and 5 – and, like the good, rule-following auntie that I am, I put 3 and 4 down for their naps as instructed, which took a while, mostly because I’m me and I’m a sucker so naptime involved laying down with the 3 year old who didn’t “wanna sweep, Auntie Beff.” 🙁 

I left the 5 year old with the television during naptime after I tried to leave her with books – also as instructed, listed in the schedule as “reading and homework time” – and she gave me sad eyes and pointed at the remote control. And I know; I know; I need help, but I could hear all of her TV selections, and I have 15 years of parenting down, so I know all the Disney princess songs. I was practically monitoring her, is what I’m saying. And the princesses were doing a fine job, too.

Or so I thought, until Miss 5 showed up, bedside, mid-nap, to whisper, “Don’t worry about me being alone during naptime, Auntie Beth. Don’t worry about anything, OK?” Which is, like, the figurative version of a square Golden Book on a round butt; a teeny, tiny hint to the mama mind that something might be ever so slightly out of place. And I thought, “I wasn’t worried, kid, but I’m reconsidering my original position thanks to your visit,” but I said, “OK,” and then I tiptoed downstairs two minutes after her to find the miniature punk – my brother’s daughter in more ways than one – with all the Golden Books stacked on a footstool pushed up next to the fridge to sneak candy off the top of it. 

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Turns out, even with the Golden Books, she’s still too short to pull it off, but it was a really decent attempt at being naughty.

And a great way to carry on our family’s time-honored, nefarious Golden Book tradition.

Well played, Miss 5. Well played.