Important New Acronym for Families

Sep 18 2014

My friend, Kim, told me about a new acronym tonight. 

It rocked my world, so accurately does it describe ours, and, if you’re part of a family, it’ll rock yours, too.

Now, Kim’s the friend to whom I rarely speak, not because there aren’t things to say, but because words aren’t usually required to say them. 

I see Kim and, instead of talking, we hug. Tight, I-mean-it hugs. Tight, I-mean-it, hang-in-there hugs. Tight, I-mean-it, hang-in-there, oh-my-word-I-am-SO-weary hugs. Tight, I-mean-it, hang-in-there, oh-my-word-I-am-SO-weary, HOLD-ME hugs. 

And we nod.

Kim and I nod at each other a lot across crowded rooms. At church and at schools. On playgrounds and at the coffee shop. We see each other, and we nod.

The Knowing Nod.

The I See You Nod.

The I Love You Nod, and the Someday We Might Get to Have Coffee Together Again Nod. 

The We’re in This Together Nod.

But tonight, after we Hugged and Nodded, Kim used words. WORDS. Because she invented a new acronym and she knew I needed to know.

F.F.F.L.S.D. 

Turns out, Kim’s family fell totally apart the other night. All of them Freaking Out. All of them Wild Eyed. All of them spewing Angst and being tackled by Exhaustion and crumbling under the weight of OH MY GOSH, ALL THE THINGS. All the Things are Coming at Us, and there is no where – NO WHERE – to Duck and Cover.

In other words, their Family Poop Hit the Fan.

You know?

You know.

I know you know.

And so Kim said to the family, mid-freak-out, “We are in FULL FAMILY FRONTAL LOBE SHUT-DOWN, you guys. FULL FAMILY FRONTAL LOBE SHUT-DOWN.” Because there was no one left in charge of the brains’ ships. ALL of the brain cells had jumped overboard. The fleet was utterly adrift in rough waters, and every single brain was taking on water. Frontal lobes all lost at sea. MISSING IN ACTION. 

Thus was born the acronym.
F.F.F.L.S.D.
which stands for
Full Family Frontal Lobe Shut-Down

photo (86)

And, like all good acronyms, it’s really simple to remember, even while in F.F.F.L.S.D., because all you have to do is follow these two steps:

1. First, yell, “EFF! EFF! EFF!” Three times. REALLY loud. First three letters of the acronym? DOWN.

2. Then yell, “L.S.D.!” Like the drug. LSD. As in, “OH MY GOSH! YOU ARE ALL TRIPPING ON ACID RIGHT NOW.”

And if EFF! EFF! EFF! YOU ARE ALL TRIPPING ON ACID! doesn’t describe a total family melt-down, I don’t know what does.