Another Socially Awkward Dish Towel and a Story About My Neighbor the Mermaid

I finished my latest socially awkward dish towel. Doodle embroidery; still adoring it! You can read about the previous projects — May I Sniff You?, Oh Shit Oh Dear, and more — over here. For now, though, I need your help.

I just delivered The Naked Mermaid to my neighbor, Monica.

Monica, you see, is one of my heroes for several reasons.

  1. She hands me wine over the fence. Oh Dear Jesus, THANK YOU for neighbors who hand wine over the fence. Amen
  2. She never, ever, ever complains about our crappy yard. Not ever. For 13 years we’ve given her cause — you guys, the weeds have occasionally grown taller than the 6-foot fence… and stayed that way… for months — and still she’s never complained. It’s like she looks over here and knows we’re barely holding it together some days and decides loving her neighbors is more important than how crappy their yard looks. 
  3. Monica had a mermaid tail made this year. A silicone and neoprene mermaid tail made for swimming. Which she takes to our local pool. For swimming laps. In public. Because it makes her happy. Which is RAD.

20140810_165515 ...  read more

Vote YES on Penises (UPDATED)

Vote YES on Penises:
A Poem for Election Season

“Hey, Mom?” said the 8-year-old.
“Yes?” said I.
“Are you gonna vote?”
“OF COURSE,” I replied.

“How ’bout for penises?”
He looked at me.
I thought and I thought.
“For penises?” said me.

“For penises,” he said. 
And I replied,
“I’m very pro-penis,”
and I didn’t lie. ...  read more

On Robin Hood, His Merry Men, and Why We Celebrate Halloween. Even as Christians.

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My middle schoolers had given up an hour earlier, done with the trick-or-treat march on our brisk Halloween night in 2013, so it was just me, a friend, and my tenacious 7-year-old twins, the mummy and the zombie, who were waylaid on Halloween by Robin Hood and his Merry Men.

We’d been to all the usual houses and met all the usual neighbors — and, let’s be honest, a few unusual ones, too — when there they came, the loud group of exuberant teenage boys, walking boldly down the street, hollering back and forth at each other and anyone else in shouting distance. ...  read more

An Open Letter to You From a Mama of Kids With Special Needs

An Open Letter to You
From a Mama of Kids With Special Needs

Dear You,

Dear You, my friend,

Dear You, my neighbor,

Dear You who have kids without special needs… kids with just, you know, the usual slew of bottomless needs,

Dear You who are kids,

Dear You who were once kids,

Dear You,

I want to tell you about my son.

Just for a minute.

And about me and what it’s like for us who live full-time here in this world of kids who are different than normal, whatever normal is.  ...  read more

If I Had Time to Write, This Is What I’d Say…

I have things to write, you guys. Stuff to say. Some of it’s drivel, as usual, but some of it’s important.

I want to write about having a kid with special needs and what it means to live with constant, evolving grief while still looking for the joy.

I want to write about how annoying it is when people say, “You think two is hard? TWO? Just wait ’til your kid turns THREE. THAT’S hard,” because three IS worse than two — it TOTALLY IS — except when two is worse than three. And parenting teenagers is WAY, WAY HARDER than parenting littles, unless, you know, parenting littles is harder than parenting teens.  ...  read more

Shopping for Jeans Sucks: Which Jeans to Buy If You’re Short and Round

Shopping for jeans sucks. I like to think it’s because I’m short and round and a terrible shopper with mediocre-to-bad fashion sense, but I keep hearing from my tall friends and my skinny friends and my friends who love to shop and my friends who look great all the time, and they all say the same thing. Shopping for jeans sucks. 

This news, like all of life, is both good and bad. Good because we jeans shoppers are not alone. NOT ALONE in the suckage! Hooray! But it’s also bad because shopping for jeans takes TIME and angst and ugghhh and pffttt and GAH! ...  read more

Remind me to never get Botox. I mean, YOU can, but my face isn’t responsible enough.

I made a video for you yesterday while my tongue, lips and facial muscles were still frozen after dental work. The dentist worked on the top teeth – both sides – and bottom left. So, like, my whole mouth minus the teeth on the bottom right which he fixed last month.

The dentist said I need to knock it off with the soda. I said, self-righteously, I don’t drink soda. He said I probably ought to knock off the coffee, then. I said I’ll go ahead and hand over all my teeth right now as long as I can keep my coffee. I said keeping the coffee is tantamount to keeping my children, since I’m doubtful I can parent without it. I said coffee is a spiritual practice and he probably shouldn’t go around maligning people’s religions like that. I said none of those things because his hands were in my mouth, but I think my whimpering gave him the gist. ...  read more