I have almost everything I could want in life: 5 rad kids I want to keep almost all the time, a husband with emergency zombie apocalypse preparedness plans, a nose made out of my ear, and almost 2,000 likes on a Facebook picture of my ass. Only one thing’s missing.

This is a Weekly Wrap-Up Post
… and A Birthday Request … 

Ready?

Here we go:

 

1. IMG_0635I returned this week from an amazing trip, paddling the Stillwater section of the Green River with my dad and friends. John of the Just Finding Our Way blog is writing a description of each day’s events. He’s on Day 6 now, the day my dad and I joined the trip with a box of doughnuts and a box for poop, both to share. Do we know what to bring to a party or what?

You can see all the pictures (none of which John offered to let me vet for angles that make me look skinnier… pffttt… ) and follow our daily events here at John’s blog.

P.S. The first picture John shares of my dad and me on the river is one in which I’m gazing adoringly at the box of doughnuts which just proves some people have an intuitive sense for how to capture the essence of a person on film.

 

2. ForTheLoveofFootballI asked my middle school daughter to attend her brother’s football game. Once. This entire season. And by “asked” I mean “cajoled” and “bribed” and “pleaded” and “tried to make her feel guilty” and then, when none of those worked even a smidge, I told her to get her adorable self in the van because “we are a family that supports each other, so you will go to that game and you will like it” because it’s really important to choose your battles and, when you tell your kid what she will do, that you have the follow-through and ability to make sure she does it. 

I knew if we could just get her out of the house and away from screens, she’d feel the excitement in the stands and breathe the fresh air and learn about the snack bar and be grateful we made her go.

And I was totally right! She was HUGE fan. OBVIOUSLY. I took this picture of her in her most enthusiastic moment. Literally. Her most enthusiastic moment.

Chalk this one up as a Parenting Win.

 

3. I shared this picture on the 5 Kids Facebook page because it’s important to me to be an example to my teenagers that we never, ever, ever take pictures of ourselves in our undies because they might end up on the internet and then TERRIBLE things happen. 

TERRIBLE THINGS. 

For example, one guy totally accused me of using run-on sentences. The jerk. I use fragments. Not run-ons. Geez.

MyAssDear The Internets,

I went to my son’s football game today. It was at the big high school stadium with other parents and football players and high schoolers and concession stand workers and cheerleaders and at least one candidate for city council. 

Then I ran errands. LOTS of errands to little shops with other shoppers and the ice cream parlor just FULL of Saturday afternoon ice cream eaters and the grocery store with kids and grown-ups and check-out people and managers and baggers.

Then I went to a friend’s house to drop my kids off for a party which is where I met up with my husband who, as my husband is wont to do, checked out my ass. My partially bare ass, as it turns out, because, unbeknownst to me and at a time that shall apparently remain a mystery, my jeans had ripped from stem to stern, right across my ample bum and purple granny panties. Wheeeee!

In conclusion, I remain, as always, fully committed to my ongoing mission to make you feel comparatively AWESOME about yourselves. If, in other words, you didn’t go out in public today with your ass is the wind, you are doing better than you know. Better than you know! Give yourself a pat on the back. 

And you’re welcome, friends. I do it because I love you. 

Yours Truly,
Beth Woolsey

 

4. AGirlWithABookGreg woke me up Friday morning with the news that 17-year-old Malala Yousafzai won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Two years ago almost exactly, on October 9, 2012, a Taliban gunman shot Malala in the face, an assassination attempt due to her persistent and outspoken commitment to promote education for girls in the Swat Valley of Pakistan.

Today, Malala is a Nobel laureate – the youngest ever – and, more importantly, she continues to strive for all children and their right to equal access to education. 

“Extremists have shown what frightens them the most: a girl with a book.” ~Malala Yousafzai

 

5. Tomorrow’s my birthday. You’d think I already have everything I could want in life: 5 rad kids I want to keep almost all the time, a husband with emergency zombie apocalypse preparedness plans, a nose made out of my ear, and almost 2,000 likes on a Facebook picture of my ass. I mean, there’s not a lot more a woman of 41 can want, you know? But I’m going to ask you for something anyway, and it’s this:

Will you join me in giving $5, $10 or $15 toward A Girl With A Book? 100% of the funds we receive from this GoFundMe campaign will go to purchase books for Kindergarten through 2nd Grade boys and girls from Title 1 (high poverty rate) elementary schools. 

Books have always been some of my best friends, and I can’t think of anything I’d like more for my birthday than to put cherished words into the hands of kids who might otherwise not be able to keep them.

It’s a way to honor Malala’s work. And it’s a way to give back. I hope, if this space has brought you joy and mamaraderie over the years, you’ll join me with a small donation and by sharing the campaign with your friends. 

You can read about all the details at A Girl With A Book here: http://www.gofundme.com/agirlandabook

 

And P.S. You people really are the best. xoxo

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
9 comments
  1. […] My voices unearthed my persistent fear that maybe I am too much, after all. Too loud. Too irreverent. Too ridiculous when the world is serious. Too serious when the world needs levity. Too Jesusy. Not Jesusy enough. Too big. Too sweary. Too unfit for polite society.  […]

  2. You are such a breath of fresh air….. I love reading everything you write. Thank you for sharing your heart and mind with us. 🙂

  3. Granny Panties for the win! I am a skirt wearer so I’ve yet to experience the split pants thing…I guess that’s one reason to wear a skirt. LOL Thanks for the smile.

  4. Done. Happy Birthday…
    and love your pants! 🙂

  5. Happy Birthday!
    As a gift to you I will tell you, you are not alone in your ripped-jeans-in-inappropriate-places experience. My husband, who is an appliance service tech, came home from work in the middle of the day on Friday because he suddenly realized that the cool breeze he was feeling on his front parts wasn’t caused because he had forgotten to zip his zipper. Instead is was due to the fact that his jeans had split up the front in a very embarrassing place. Which leads us to question, what they are making jeans fabric from these days anyway – recycled tissue paper????

  6. I am dying.. that picture is hilarous. Thank you for posting and sharing and making my day. And I would like to point out.. that maybe all those people saw your bum.. but were just enjoying the view :).

  7. I’m pretty sure your pants ripped getting out of the car to go to the party. That looks like a getting-out-of-the-car-at-a-party tear. Trust me, I rip pants a lot. That doesn’t look like a sitting-on-the-bleachers-at-a-football-game tear, or a running-a-billion-errands-all-over-the-place tear. My favorite pants tear happened when I worked at an ice cream store in the winter. I’m not sure how, but I ripped my pants from the front pocket to the back pocket so half my pant leg was kind of hanging off of me. In an ice cream store. In the winter. While I was working alone. I couldn’t go home and change, I had to stay behind the counter and freeze. I actually haven’t ripped a pair of pants in a while, so it’ll probably happen today. But will it happen while picking up at preschool this afternoon, or heading in to my class tonight? We shall see!

  8. I won’t donate to this only because I’m a librarian at a Title 1 school, and I already far exceed that amount monthly on donations to my school. I hate it when a kid tells me he/she can’t find a book they like, so I buy them one! Thanks for supporting literacy though, Beth. Such power there is in an educated population!

  9. You and my second son share a birthday – he sees the world in unique ways too ! Maybe it is the date!

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