5 Quick Questions About Personal Hygiene

Apr 22 2015

It’s time for a new edition of 5 Quick Questions!

5 Quick Questions are a Sometime Tradition here on the 5 Kids Blog. This is my opportunity to get to know you better, and it’s one of the best things we do here because it turns out you are very good at truth-telling, friends. 

To those of you who used the last few volumes to delurk, it’s wonderful to meet you! And to those of you who’ve been around a while, mucking about in this space and putting your feet on the furniture? You’re always rad. Thank you.

As you may know, 5 Quick Questions can be anything from the EVER IMPORTANT What Is Your Family Booger Rule? to the more serious (and my absolute favorite because you were so deeply honest and so very different from each other) Questions About Faith.

Today shall be along the Ever Important lines.

We shall discuss Personal Hygiene. 


Because I miss it. I miss it very much. And it’s good to mourn together. 

ID-100400665 Quick Questions about Personal Hygiene

  1. What is your personal hygiene regimen?
  2. Was question 1 too hard to answer because REGIMEN — HAHAHAHAHA?
  3. What is your best Fake-Like-You-Have-Good-Hygiene Trick?
  4. Assuming soap is provided, if you were stuck on a desert island (a desert island with little umbrella drinks and cabanas and All Your Momrades and access to long, hot baths and HUGE beds without sand or smashed cereal in them) and you could only bring TWO personal hygiene products with you, what would they be?
  5. Will you go skinny dipping with me on the island? What if it’s still daylight? ( <– Not actually a question about hygiene, but I got distracted by the whole island thing, and now I’m on a need-to-know here.)

Here are my answers:

  1. Regimen? HAHAHAHAHA. I used to have one of those. Pre-kids, I showered twice a day. Twice a day, friends. When sharing a hotel room, friends would ask, “Do you want the shower in the morning or at night?” Then I’d laugh at them and say BOTH. Like THEY were the crazy ones. Man, those were the days.
  2. YES, QUESTION 1 IS TOO HARD TO ANSWER. So far, I am NOT impressed with these questions. Does it count as a “regimen” to shower once a week when my hygiene becomes truly too awful to ignore? Does it? Does it count as a “regimen” to give myself quick sink wipe-downs between luxurious 5-minute weekly showers so no one On The Outside notices? Is it weird that I’m referring to outside my house as “On The Outside” like my house is a penitentiary or is that just good sense? I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE.
  3. This is a much better question. MUCH better. I actually have some of these Fake-Like-I-Have-Good-Hygiene Tricks. Here are two:
    A. There’s the wash-the-bangs-in-the-sink trick. That’s a life saver.
    B. There’s the buy Suave (read: cheap) Dry Shampoo trick. I honestly would consider giving up one of my toes to keep this in my life. I mean, how much can I possibly miss a toe?
  4. Assuming I have time to actually shower on this magical island, obliterating the need for Dry Shampoo (and allowing me to keep all my toes — HOORAY!), I’d go with hair conditioner and a razor. I probably should’ve picked deodorant and a toothbrush. I feel like this is unnecessarily hard.
  5. I will lead the charge. In the dark. I will lead the charge in the dark for the skinny dipping, or, as we call it in my family, the chunky dunking. Now, to be technically accurate, I will lead the chunky dunking charge in the daylight, too, if, by “lead the charge” we understand it to mean “find an unpopulated part of the island, strip so fast we break the sound barrier, and jump into mostly opaque water.” …Or if “lead the charge” means you triple dog dared me… after all, I’ve always been highly prone to peer pressure and had very poor judgement. In fact, Greg made me a Venn diagram once to illustrate what I’ll do in any given situation. He called it “practically a bicycle.” So, you know; be careful who you let lead these kinds of charges. WORD TO THE WISE.



OK – your turn. 5 Quick Questions, friends! What’ve you got??


Open Hand With Glove image credit Ambro via freedigitalimages.net