Proof America No Longer Leads the World in Innovation

Dear America,

This is a Spaghetti Sandwich.

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It’s an enriched, bleached, white wheat roll stuffed with spaghetti noodles and red sauce; simple carbohydrates wrapped in simple carbohydrates, and, I think we can all agree, nutritionally deficient GENIUS. 

GENIUS, I tell you.

You would think this kind of innovation came from America.

It’s our legacy.

It’s in our collective blood.

Crap food + crap food. Like deep fried Oreos. And Every Single Thing at the Cheesecake Factory. Delectable. Deadly. Delicious.

Yes, you would think this kind of innovation came from America, but you would be wrong.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Spaghetti Sandwich is a product of Japan.

JAPAN.

Land of electronic wizardry and bullet trains. 

Land where 90% of the population belongs to the middle class.

Land of prosperity.

Listen; I don’t want to be an alarmist here, folks, but when Japan is not only leading the world in technological advances and economic success — when Japan is taking over the world of delectable anti-nutrition — we ought to wake up from our Doritos- and Twinkies-induced stupors and take notice. THIS IS OUR TERRITORY, America! Our domain! And Japan is STEALING it from us. 

First, we let the Canadians invent poutine right under our noses, AND NOW THIS. 

COME ON, AMERICA. 

We can do better. We can BE better.

Ethnocentricly Yours, 

Signature

 

 

 

P.S. Lest I leave you on a sour note, let me also say All Is Not Lost. Not yet, friends. Via Starbucks, an American original, we are infiltrating the Japanese sandwich empire with inventions of our own…

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…like the Banana and Bacon Sandwich. Granted, bananas are full of potassium, and fail to turn immediately to fat in our bodies like spaghetti and white bread, but we’re on the right track by adding bacon. We have a long way to go, I’ll grant you, but, led by Starbucks, we have not totally conceded the fight. 

In other words, Carry On, Warriors. Carry on.

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
10 comments
  1. So Im preggo with #6 and get all kinds of fun cravings, and I gotta say that bacon and banana sandwich….ya Im gonna have to try that, LOL

  2. Personally, I think I’ve seen something better here in the USA: burgers with mac n cheese: bottom bun, hamburger, mac n’ cheese, desired toppings, top bun … or from the Grilled Cheese Truck in LA, grilled cheese w/ pulled pork and mac n’ cheese.

  3. Beth, thank you for writing this blog. I for one am glad
    you dont fit in with other christian bloggers
    cause i’ve had about enough of that and cant
    Relate to much of it. But I can relate to you
    And the things you say and share. Thanks for
    Bringing joy into my day with your humor
    And your grip on Gods grace. Love to you dear sister!

  4. Now I’m totally thinking about having spaghetti hoagies for supper. Only I would include a dusting of parm, and –hey!–I’d put them open-face under the broiler for a minute or two. Brilliant? Hey, the Japanese aren’t the only ones who can be innovative with spaghetti and bread!

  5. Take heart, American Innovation is still strong. I made these as a kid in the 80s. Except mine had cheese, so they were better.

    1. Mine have meatballs as well as all the trimmings. It’s my go-to meal when I just can’t give another thing to anyone else.

  6. I am over 50 and created this delicacy when I was a teenager. MY teenagers great me with exclamations of “Ewwwww”, “gross” or “disgusting” when they see me preparing one (with creamy mayonnaise on my white bread). I just smile and know I’ll have some for lunch tomorrow!
    BTW spaghetti is much better day 2.

    1. My name is not I’d. It’s…I’d like one of those right now but I have no spaghetti.

  7. I could have been rich! I’ve been eating these for years and making them extra healthy by choosing white bread and then buttering it before adding spaghetti. Another gold mine, lost to Japan.

  8. Hi Beth

    We’ve been doing these sandwiches in our family for at least three generations. As a mother of soon to be teenage boys, you need these sandwiches. Nothing soothes the savage hormonal teenage male as quickly. They eat them and slip into a carb induced nap. When they wake, all is right with the world again.

    The tasty way to make them is fresh crusty bread rolls, freshly made spaghetti bolognaise with a sprinkling of grated cheese. Compile then heat under the grill, melting the cheese.

    But if you’re in a hurry any bread will do, open a tin of spaghetti bolognaise, add to bread, toss at the rampaging teenager and peace will descend within a few minutes.

    Nicole (from Australia)

    P.S.

    These sandwiches will prompt crying and upset from a lot of teenage girls. Learn from my mistakes ladies. It didn’t end well.

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