Just Thought You Should Know

I hollered downstairs yesterday for a kid to put toilet paper in the bathroom AND put it on the dispenser roll.

“HEY!” I said, politely, “PUT TOILET PAPER IN THE BATHROOM. AND PUT IT ON THE THINGY.

And one of them modeled my behavior by gently bellowing back, “WHY? ARE WE HAVING COMPANY OR SOMETHING?”

Which is ridiculous. The fact that my children think we only put toilet paper in the bathroom and put it on the thingy if we’re having company. Goll!

Who is raising these children, anyway? Who is in charge of this mess?

Can you join me in a collective, longsuffering eyeroll, please? PLEASE? Because I NEED YOU, momrades, in this, the strange life I lead.

That is all, friends.

That is all.

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P.S. I should probably mention we were having company over and that is the reason I told them to put the paper on the roll.

P.P.S. Someone hold me.

 

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
17 comments
  1. Ok, I can’t believe I’m admitting this.
    I was hugely pregnant. So huge. I had a c-section scheduled in the morning. So my mother-in-law spent the night because we had three other kids there and had to leave at 4 a.m. The bedrooms and bathroom are on the second floor. I got up for the millionth time at about 2 a.m. to use the bathroom and used the last of the toilet paper. I went back to bed and told my hubby that he needed to go to the basement and get some more toilet paper. He refused! I sure as hell wasn’t taking my gigantic belly four flights to get tp! I told him he needed to go in case his mom got up, thinking that would work…it didn’t. Then, I heard mom-in-law going to the bathroom. I elbowed him and said, “GO! Your mom’s in the bathroom!” He said it’s too late now and still refused. We heard the bathroom door open and hubby says, “do you think she’s missing a sock?” We were both laughing so hard, it’s a good thing I had just went to the bathroom or I would have peed the bed.

  2. We took down our holder thingies, too, because my children think they are miniature monkey bars and it turns out they are not mounted the walls well enough to withstand 40-pound kids hanging from them.

    One day I caught my mother going into the bathroom at my house WITH HER OWN ROLL of TP stashed in her purse, because you never know what you’re going to find in my bathroom.

    What is the world coming to, you guys?

    1. I live in Mexico and visit my married daughters from time to time. When I used to visit one of my daughters, I kept a ‘bathroom tote’, which contained TP, a bath towel, soap, shampoo, and toothpaste (and of course toothbrush), because the likelihood of there being any of those supplies in the bathroom was always slim to zip. That was years ago, and things have improved since then. So I understand your mother. We ladies of a certain age have gotten used to our creature comforts — like TP.

      When the kids are grown and gone, you will look back at those TP-less times and miss them. OK, I lied. No, you won’t. You will miss the little kids they used to be, but you will never miss the joy of discovering too late there is no TP in the bathroom.

  3. Okay, when you said you told your kids to put the toilet paper on the thingy, I was prepared for this post to take an entirely different direction. So, yay for your kids for being so much more mature than me and actually knowing what you meant.

  4. When my daughter was about 3, she was in the tub and I noticed that the bathroom was overdue for a cleaning (one of my most despised jobs!). When I started to work on it, she promptly asked me who was coming to visit.

  5. “Why? Are we having company?” is the exact response I got when I asked my kids to clean. Oy.

    1. Mee toooo *rolls eyes* and *sighs* I now answer “I am! I am coming into this exact room and it’s lovely when it’s clean!”

  6. With us it’s the pile of cardboard tubes waiting to be recycled. There is really no where to put the TP except on the thingy, so we do that (usually). But no one ever wants to remove the recycling!

  7. You’re in luck. Eyerolling happens to be my specialty. I’ll spare one for ya.

  8. hahahaha! I laugh because we pretty much only put the toilet paper on the thingy when company is coming over. If they come over unannounced, I pray they don’t have to potty!!! Thanks for making me feel better about my lack of cleaning/parenting skills!?!

  9. I love you all, thanks for making my life better this morning! 🙂

  10. We just moved to Uruguay and for some reason all tp roll holder are below bowl height on the wall behind the toilet – in one bathroom, the toilet is so close to the open shower stall that the tp roll holder is in the spray and someone fashioned a tiny metal “shield” to “protect” it which does absolutely nothing (hence the quote marks around shield and protect).

    We gave up on them and current all TP, maipads, wet wipes, etc are stored in the bidets which are crowded up next to each toilet (the bidets are looked at with complete distrust and fear by the kids despite my encouragement to “try it, just once!”)

    1. Oh, and the TP rolls here have no cardboard center – instead, there is a tiny tight roll of toilet paper wrapped in gaily patterned paper that fills the center of each roll. These are for some reason greatly in favor with the children, who take them off to their rooms and hoard them. It’s bizarre.

      1. Your posts make me smile Grace. Thanks for sharing! =)

      2. Totally sounds like something my kids would hoard. Kids are weird.

  11. I can always provide a supportive eyeroll.

    It would be the same in my house except we don’t even have the dispensers anymore. I took them down years ago because no one ever replaced the rolls. Now the clue to company coming is me hollering for someone to pick up the empty toilet paper rolls. That just how fancy we are.

  12. Ungh,and errr, and oh the wonders of loo roll on the holder thingy. Enjoy your brief luxury.

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