Ladies and gentlemen, we’re about to talk about periods and the women who have them, so I’m just saying now, no matter what your junk looks like, if that topic makes you want to harf, get out. GET OUT NOW.
Here we go.
I bought THINX.
TWO PAIRS of THINX, y’all, even though they’re, like, $30/pair, and I’ve been using the heck out them.
Have you heard of these?
They’re underwear for women with periods.
As in, you don’t need a tampon or a pad or a cup or any of the usual blood collectors with these ’cause the panties do it all. When Little Miss Red coming a’riding, you just — get this — put on your undies and go.
I know, right? I KNOW.
Weirdest thing EVER. Also, COOLEST. And even though every single girlfriend I tell about these looks at me as if I’ve lost my ever-loving mind — all furrowed brow and pursed lips and head cocked to the side — and even though you may be just like them, thinking, “Really, Beth? Really?” I am here to say, “YES, REALLY.” For REALS, REALLY.
Thing is, I debated for two months about purchasing these things after I found out about them. Two months of “Thirty dollars? GEEZ. I’m not sure I want to risk thirty entire dollars.” ‘Cause what if they don’t work, you know? Or they don’t fit? Or they feel squidgy and damp? So I kept up with my regular routine which includes finding and losing my diva cup, scrounging in my bathroom drawers for the upended dregs of a tampon box, cobbling together off-brand pantyliners into what I hope passes as a full sized pad, and wadding toilet paper into my panties when I’m truly desperate. It’s not pretty, guys. It’s not pretty at all. But it’s what I do. It’s what I’m used to.
Or it’s what I did. What I was used to.
Until the day I had a sort of epiphany.
An epiphany that went like this, “What if I could have my period, put on a pair of undies like I do every other day, and just go?” and “What if it doesn’t have to be like it’s been?” and “What if my daughters could do the same?”
Greg was there when I epiphanied, lucky guy, so he got to hear every profound thought as I thought it. Every ah ha! Every grace-filled, self-actualized insight. It was beautiful, y’all. Deep. “I am going to buy myself Thinx, Greg. And I am going to buy TWO OF THEM. And you know what you’re going to do about that? You’re going to give me ZERO GRIEF, man. ZERO of the GRIEF GIVING even though this will cost us SIXTY DOLLARS. And you know why you’re going to give me zero grief? DO YOU KNOW WHY? Because if you bled from your penis for 25% of your life from age 10 to 55+, you better DAMN WELL BELIEVE you’d have figured out a way to quit shoving blood catchers up there by now. You would have said HELL NO to ramming cotton penis swabs in that thing and trying to pull them out in a bathroom stall and make your way to a faucet without anyone thinking you just reenacted that blood bucket scene from Carrie or slaughtered a small animal. That’s right; MEN wouldn’t have put up with this crap. MEN would’ve DEMANDED another solution. But we women sit passively by and ACCEPT that our lives have to BE LIKE THIS. Well, no more, Greg. NO MORE, I SAY. I’m spending sixty bucks, man, and YOU’RE GOING TO LIKE IT. GO, WOMEN!”
And Greg, because Greg is wise, said, “YES, I AM. I am going to LOVE it,” and he asked me the next day what Thinx are.
Here I am, two periods later, friends, and I have to say, I’m a fan. This “put on panties and go about your day” business? It’s pretty amazing. Pretty incredible. And I highly recommend.
P.S. This post isn’t sponsored by THINX. They don’t know who I am, and I get nothing from telling you about them other than the joy of sharing a good find and freaking some people out by talking about periods. Wheeee!
P.P.S. All photos included in this post are the property of THINX and are used without permission. I didn’t ask before I lifted them from the internets. I’m sort of just banking on the THINX people being cool with free advertising of their product. If they let me know I’m wrong, I’ll remove the images. I’ll think they’re a little less cool, but I’ll remove them.
P.P.P.S. THINX is also doing cool things for girls in Africa. Rad, I tell you. These things are rad.
P.P.P.P.S. You can find out more about THINX here.
P.P.P.P.P.S. If you have any questions — any at all — let me know and I will answer.