A Make-Up Tutorial for the Rest of Us

Wrote three drafts this weekend. Nothing’s done. Not the writing. Not the chores. Nothing except this make-up tutorial I made us this morning. Not, you know, for people looking for something useful or helpful. It’s more of a make-up tutorial for the rest of us.

Enjoy.

Yours truly,

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
22 comments
  1. Make an appointment with Adina and get yourself some new makeup! Also, what DOES get rid of under eye bags?!?!

  2. Yes! I was also confused about the shower since you always mention being/hiding in the bathtub. 🙂
    –I LOVED the mascara part of the tute — I poke myself in the eyes at least 2 times, also! And as for the bloodshot mommy eyes, I usually add some Visine drops into my eyes after I have done all of the eye-bag hiding, shadowing & mascara — it’s great to see it all runny down my face after all that effort while my eyes suddenly get unnaturally white. Somehow my husband still says I look good and I have yet to see anyone run screaming out of the grocery store like it’s a horror film to see me. So, winning all around, right?
    Thanks for sharing~!

  3. This was really fun to watch, Beth, even though i dont wear makeup any more (i’m 66 and really dont see any point to it now for me). But I’m going to show this to my nine-year-old-going-on-sixteen grandaughter who is under the impression that more is always better. Thanks, it was great fun to watch. You are very pretty with a lovely, expressive face.

  4. I *loved* how old much of your make-up was — now *that’s* real life! I mean, really how do they expect you to throw things out every year or two (and now they’re saying eye stuff like liner and mascara every 3 months, seriously?!?) when it’s so hard to buy in the first place.

    Most all of my makeup I took *with* me to Costa Rica (where we moved in 2006!) and my newest item is a mascara I bought there (and we moved back over 4 years ago, so that gives some idea of that!). In fact, I would probably have bought other things there that were nearly gone but they make the process really scary. Even just the ordinary makeup at the supermarket is in these locked cases (and expensive enough to warrant that!) and they have these aggressive sales girls who, of course, speak rapid-fire spanish and terrified me so I always bought the first thing they recommended just so I could get out of there!

    Now I’ve solved most of the problem by almost never wearing any except for my new-found love, those same Burt’s Bees shimmer things.

    Another classic post, my dear!

  5. I have never watched a makeup tutorial, but think this should be top ranked in a google search! I’m not a makeup kind of person, I let the bags show along the wrinkles and – my personal cross to bear – UBER dry skin. Which always amazes me when it looks super chapped yet a zit pops up. (Yes, 42 should be the year of the zit ceasing, but NOOOOO) I wanna be your bestie b/c I so totally loved seeing the amount you cared!!! 😀

  6. This is again the reason that I love you and want to be you when I grow up. Thanks for keeping it real. If I did a makeup tutorial there’d probably be a car crash because I already apply mine while driving to work, only at the stop lights (I swear) so juggling a phone on top of the mascara brush would just be irresponsible. Also have that same eye-shadow’s-almost-gone panic going on over here too!

  7. 1. You sound exactly like I thought you would.
    2. You are already ahead of me in the looking put together department because you washed your hair and probably showered (most days I wash my hair, but showers are few and far between because my 15 month old, Cai, doesn’t want to cooperate).
    3. You forgot to add looking for any new black chin or lip hairs, because I know I’m not the only one who has those.

    1. IMPORTANT: I do all my black chin- and lip-hair plucking in the car at stop lights because the lighting is best there. I’m sure I’m very popular with my fellow drivers and that they’re never grossed out by me.

  8. Ha# I regularly curse the youth leaders and various other adults in my life who LIED and told me my zits would clear up once I was done being a teenager. I’m 39, and my face still thinks it’s 1991.

  9. Love the Burts Bees! I’m a fig. That suddenly sounds weird but I’ll go with it because life is too short for the backspace button sometimes. 5 out of seven days I have no makeup on and consider it a win if I have my teeth brushed and deodorant on. Other two days I like Tarte foundation to hide my 43 year old face with zit wrinkle combo. Yes Beth, I agree that just isn’t fair. Then I fill in my eyebrows with either eyeshadow or thanks to a present Anastasia brow powder, because some twit when I was seven said I had bushy eyebrows so I “trimmed” mine to nothing…quite the improvement…and they never quite grew completely in ever again. Then top that off by curling my non existent eyelashes in the torture device, two coats of mascara, and a schmear of lip goop. Burts bees is great because I can manage not to make myself look like a clown even without a mirror. But also Nars makes a good lippy too for when gift certificates find their way to me. So add schmear to your list of professional makeup moves along with mush. Slap on should go on that list too. If anyone figures out how to unpack the luggage that resides under my eyes that would be a miracle. But as you so aptly point out I have kids so I don’t sleep and I came by them honestly. Who cares if I look like those muppet hecklers up in the balcony. Thanks for showing a true to life makeup tutorial! Made my night, might even shoot for 4 out of 7 days now!

  10. Bless, it reminded me of a mini meltdown I had a few years ago when getting ready for a very rare night out – Spent a few minutes quietly crying when I realised my 17 year old son (does ballet) had newer and much nicer make up than I. Dried out foundation, crumbling eye shadow and red eyes for the win…

  11. Yay for Burt’s Bees Lip Shimmer! I’m a Nutmeg girl, myself.

  12. I love this. Thank you!!

  13. I love you.

  14. Look how pretty your eyes are! Even if they are milky and bloodshot, they are a very nice color.

    1. Also this has me thinking about making a make up tutorial of my own. Of course it would be very short as my make up routine consists of me getting all the gunk out of my eyes and then smoothing down my eyebrows, perhaps popping a zit and checking that mole on my chin for any hairs, then calling it good!

  15. Oh and p.s. I’m using this time, when my son is outside playing, and my daughter is at my MIL with my husband…. So it’s just MEEEEEEEEE at home, which I don’t think has happened since my two year old was born, to catch up on “my Beth posts”!!! Time very well spent!!!!!! 😀

  16. I did know and already do all of those things… However, this tutorial WAS helpful 😀 It made my day!!! I did recently throw out everything that was over a few years old, except my handy eye shadow pallet that I might use every few weeks. I mean I got it for my birthday 3 years ago!!

  17. lol Beth I will never believe you about your bathroom being dirty again. What….did the maid come over while you slept and scrub that pretty shower?

    1. Of course her shower is clean. The kids never let her use it. 😀

    2. Ha! I should have noted this is NOT my bathroom. This is a HOTEL bathroom where I was away with Abby for her dance competition. Thus the close proximity of boob tape.

      1. Thanks for clearing that up. I was getting worried that everything had been a facade to make us feel better.

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