Several Problems with the Kitchen Remodel, Mostly Emotional (A Group Remodeling Project: Part 5)

May 3 2016

Friends! GOOD NEWS! Greg and I fought about the kitchen!

This means he’s not being crafty or wily or luring us into complacency before he springs his trap to derail us.

Unless he’s being crafty and wily by arguing to throw us off the crafty and wily scent. He IS better at chess than me. Probably. I’ve never played chess with him, but I assume, based on his passion for mathematics and strategy, and my inability to sit at a table for longer than two minutes before feeling jittery and panicky and like there are twelve other things I should be doing with my time, that he’s better at chess than me. Greg’s definitely better at Scrabble, though, so I feel like we can extrapolate. He takes five hundred thousand million years to take his turn so he can graph every possible letter combination and permutation and the trajectory of their positions on the board, and then he gets crabby when I poke him in the shoulder and say, “Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg. Are you going to go now? How ’bout now? Now? How ’bout now?”

The point being, Greg takes the EXCRUCIATINGLY LONG view of things so he could be throwing us off by arguing with us about the kitchen.

But I don’t think so. I think we’re in the clear. I think he’s genuinely disgruntled about a couple things, so WE’RE BACK ON TRACK and all’s good! We can proceed as NORMAL.

Which leads me to the problems we’re having with the kitchen remodel, none of which have to do with the remodel and all of which have to do with the counseling, encouragement and tough love you’re going to need to provide if we’re going to get anywhere. 

Specifically, our problems are as follows:

  1. Greg is Having an Issue with the chimney range hood concept (option 1 from the previous post). He does not like it. Does Not. Unequivocally. He only likes the idea of a cabinet and under-cabinet mount (which was option 2). Now, obviously this should not be a problem because Greg is entitled to have an opinion, I said I like both, and most of Us are all, “Meh. Whatever. No super strong opinion.” So whatever, right? I believe my exact words were, “I tend to like both and can easily be talked into either.” What I meant was I can easily be talked into either by YOU. Not by Greg. There is nothing — nothing — more likely to sway me toward pizza than Greg saying he absolutely MUST have a burger. So I found I NEEDED the chimney range hood, after all, and did NOT want — in fact, COULD NOT TOLERATE — the cabinet there. See how this complication is all Greg’s fault? Me, neither. 🙁 I came around. Eventual Maturity, I call it. I’d prefer just Maturity, but I’m not always issued that in my personality tool box.
  2. Greg is ALSO Having an Issue with placing the dishwasher further to the right of the sink than immediately next to it. I considered making this decision harder than it had to be, like I did with the range hood, but, since Greg does more dishes than me, he gets to pick. Me = Problem Solver! Also, Me = Dishes Avoider!
  3. But the Main Problem is we are officially 8 days into this project, and I would like to quit now. It’s not that I’ve suddenly decided I like starting my stove with an ice pick. The problem is I cannot sustain this much interest in myself or my house over the long term. This is the part where you say, “But, Beth, you are a BLOGGER. It’s your literal JOB to sustain this much interest in yourself.” And that’s when I’ll answer, “This is why I’m So Bad at Things; I do them wrong. CONSTANTLY,” and often on purpose. For example, I read articles that tell me my blog posts MUST be shorter — 500-800 words is “optimal length” — and I IMMEDIATELY sit down and write 1200 words as rebellion because No One Can Tell Me What to Do.

Now, I’m not rebelling against the remodel. I want to do it. It makes sense to do it. It’s just — it’s been 8 days — and I’d like to be done now because I’m driving Me crazy pestering myself with kitchen questions. It’s like one half of my brain is Me playing Scrabble, making hasty decisions and plunking down letters and Getting on with Life because there are More Important Things than Thinking Decisions Through and Being SURE About Them, and the other half of me is Greg playing Scrabble, talking through Every Possible Permutation. The Greg half is all, “Wait! I have to think of ALL THE THINGS,” and the Beth half is all, “Beth, Beth, Beth, Beth, Beth, Beth, Beth. Are you done yet? Can you go now? How ’bout now? How ’bout now?” until I WANT TO SLAP ME.

You guys. You guys. There are Serious Things Happening in the Real World. Trump is the presumptive presidential nominee for the Republican Party; THIS IS SOMETHING THAT IS HAPPENING. We should all be laying on the floor like Nancy Kerrigan when she got her knee beat to crap during the Olympic ice skating trials — laying there yelling Why? Why? WHY? And we are talking about a KITCHEN REMODEL, instead.

Which, I suppose, is exactly why we MUST talk about a kitchen remodel, yes? BECAUSE WE WILL SING WHILE THE SHIP GOES DOWN.

Blerg.

In conclusion, if anyone has any free counseling to offer, or encouragement, or pats on the head, or “there, there, sweet bunnies,” or kicks in the rear to offer, we’re at your disposal.

In the meantime, I’m sending love and waving in the dark,

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IMG_9476P.S. We DID have our contractor friends in to bid on the cabinet work. We’re waiting that to see whether there’s much of a cost difference in the range hoods/cabinet options, and we’ll tell you more when we know more.

P.P.S. Please do not be too worried about Future Arguments. I have explained to Greg that arguing with me in the future is actually arguing with All of Us as the Kitchen Remodel Collective. I helped him understand that we are the Borg, we will assimilate him, and resistance is futile. He took it well.