But First, Tacos

Things you should know:

  1. I’m still alive, and
  2. I’m missing writing here,
  3. but one kid had surgery,
  4. and one kid has mono,
  5. and one kid, who’s in the special education class, told another kid in the special education class that she was taking out a hit on him because he didn’t let her help him with science, and everyone knows when someone doesn’t let you help with science the only reasonable solution is to threaten that person with death.
  6. Also, one kid has a tiny concussion. And maybe mono, too. But probably just the concussion. I told him if he has mono like his sister, I’ll spank him, so he decided not to have it, after all.
  7. I won’t actually spank him; partly because it turns out I’m not a spanker, and partly because he’s hard to catch, even with a concussion.
  8. Also-also, one kid is graduating high school Saturday, so we are preparing to Fake Having a Clean House for the party. The struggle is real.
  9. Also-also-also, my Coma Friend had a heart attack last week, which she did not technically do at me or to me, but it was still unacceptable and uncalled for. She has apologized, so we can forgive her, but we are writing it into the Friendship Contract that she shall not have another. On the bright side, I got a free night’s lodging at the hospital.
  10. This morning, I threw away my mostly-consumed tub of Pillsbury Creamy Supreme Chocolate Fudge frosting (aka, COPING MECHANISM) because I do NOT need to eat ANY MORE of that crap at night while reading Meljean Brooks’ steampunk romance novels,
  11. BUT DO NOT WORRY because this evening I dug that tub of processed sugar out of the bathroom garbage and am finishing it now.

All of these things are happening, and also more things — All of the Things, really — and we may get to them in the coming days, but first, tacos.

First, tacos, because I feel they are emblematic of All the Things and particularly emblematic of the last two weeks.

I saw this in my Facebook feed:

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“Start typing @m [in the comments] and the first person that pops up has to buy you tacos (no cheating)”

I thought, “Ooooh. I love tacos. I could TOTALLY USE tacos right now. I could stuff, like, A DOZEN FEELINGS about illnesses and momming and busy-ness and heart attacks with a plate of tacos. I would EAT THE HECK out of those tacos!”

So I did it, friends. I typed “@m” in the comments while I thought, “I wonder which of my friends will have to buy me tacos?! Maybe Melissa. Or Mindy. Or Monica. Or Mary Ellen. These are all friends I see regularly. These are all friends who have, in the past, bought me actual, literal tacos. These are all friends who, if I’m pathetic enough, will buy me tacos AND margaritas. This is a WIN!” Which is when I saw my results…

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… and the Universe cackled at me because the Universe sucks sometimes. “You know who’s going to buy you tacos, Beth?” the Universe laughed, “NO ONE IS WHO. You are ALL ALONE and TACOLESS.”

I wish I had a happy ending to this post, but the Universe stole it.

Waving in the (tacoless) dark anyway,
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P.S. One of the kids just stole the rest of my frosting.

P.P.S. I can’t get it back, though, because she’s been known to threaten to take hits out on people.

P.P.P.S. Actually, I think I will go get it back. If I have to die, doing it for chocolate frosting feels like a worthy way to go.

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
20 comments
  1. Come to Chehalis and I will buy you tacos. I didn’t find a good taco place while I went to school in Portland but I did find a food truck that makes awesome pupusas (and now we have a pupuseria in Centralia and I’m dying to go with someone!)

  2. Clearly you are looking at the taco issue all wrong. This is *empowering*! The universe/facebook just gave you permission to buy tacos…as many as you want, and whatever kind from wherever you want. And you could even put frosting on them…though I’m not sure I would recommend it.

  3. What is mono??

    1. mono is short for mononucleosis and is a nasty virus that leaves the person feeling drained and exhausted forever! Many teens get it- we used to call it the kissing disease because it’s shared through saliva. I think they get it because they are always on the edge of exhaustion anyways so they are susceptible to viruses, this is just a particularly nasty one. (My husband got it while we were dating but I managed not too so it’s not always sharable)

      1. Thanks Erica, in Australia its called glandular fever, aka the kissing disease here too.

  4. You get me. So far May has been meaner than ever, and summer is here without warning. Who put summer after school let out?!

  5. Praise God, Who created the cacao plant and the sugarcane plant and also Who created us with tastebuds to recognize both!
    Waving in the dark, momrade. Cast your cares on Him, and let Him carry them for awhile. (And then don’t take them back…that’s the part I’m really bad at.)

  6. Oh thank goodness you’re not dead…yet,(unless that death threat kid makes good on her threats). I would buy you any number of tacos any time! Congrats on the graduating kiddo and sorry about the mono and concussiony kids. 🙁

  7. All. Of. The. Fucking. Things. I’m with you Beth. I have 5 kids too. I hope the universe arranges for us to meet sometime. In the meanwhile know that me & Jesus got your back. This too shall pass and tacos will return. Glad to know that I’m not the only frosting eater out there. Sending love, peace and sanity. Your soul Sista in New Jersey.

  8. Awww honey… If I lived there, I would totally buy you tacos. And more frosting. And a bodyguard to defend you from the hitman. Good job your kiddo doesn’t have an income to pay said hitman… yet.

    Much love from the trenches.

  9. Read my comment, which I somehow posted on the previous post. (Mental head slap).

  10. I would make you cake 🙂 Glad you are alive.

  11. You are missing an opportunity here with the graduation party (excuse). Send your graduate up to the local taco shack with some money and bring home tacos for party food.

  12. We have a graduation party next weekend;if I just cleaned instead of spending hours plotting how to fake a clean house I’d be better off. But where’s the fun in that? And my go-to coping mechanism is the pkg of double stuff oreos stuck WAY in the back of the pantry… Hope all the kids recover from everything and you have less to cope with!!

  13. When I come to play after Betty is all in her new home I can make tacos. Or if you want to run away before that I have buddy passes and I will buy you tacos. But first I just have to make my way home. I always thought I couldn’t live where the sun doesn’t shine but it turns out I can because I am doing it. I’ve ended up in France during the wettest spring since 1873 and won’t see the sun until I’m back in Hades, Arizona on the 11th. But there are tacos there, and I would totally buy you some! Either way, until then, beaucoup de prières….

  14. Now I want tacos. I REALLY want Koi Fusion tacos from Bridgeport. :sigh:

  15. If you’re ever heading through The Dalles I will buy you some of the tacos at Taco del Rio. And maaaaaaaybe a Jarrito, depending on what the budget looks like. 🙂

    1. OMG OMG OMG I was just in The Dalles tonight getting dinner at the Burgerville! WE COULD BE FRIENDS IRL!

      1. Sounds good! How often do you go through The Dalles?

  16. Awwwww if you were in Maryland I would make you some killer tacos!

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