I Have Won at Low Expectations

I have won.

I’m pretty sure I have won for all time.

I have won at helping my children set the very lowest of low expectations for their mother so that all their tiny dreams can come true.

As I mentioned previously, we are, for practical reasons. already celebrating Christmas. Therefore, I asked my child what he wants this year. He replied, and I quote,

Could I please have a bar of soap all to myself?

That’s what he wants. It’s currently the only thing on his Christmas list. He considered asking for a giant cardboard box but thought that might be too pricey. I kid you not.

In conclusion, I expect my Low Expectations Lifetime Achievement Award to show up soon.

The End

P.S. Another Woolsey kid has the following items on his Christmas list: potassium nitrate, aluminum powder, iron oxide powder, and, if there’s room in the budget, fireworks fuses. I’m not to worry if we can’t afford the fuses, though, because he says he can always use finely rolled toilet paper if necessary. Furthermore, he assures me he doesn’t need brake fluid or gasoline at this time because we have plenty. So, while I’ll be putting my gold plated Low Expectations trophy on my mantle any day now, I haven’t yet won the one for Discouraging the Making of Homemade Bombs. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Ah, well. We can’t have everything at once, now, can we? Baby steps, friends. Baby steps.

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
3 comments
  1. You win at the low expectations lifetime achievement – but you also win at instilling creativity and resourcefulness. You should clear the mantle for all the awards you deserve! Inquisitive kids are the BEST. YOU. ROCK!!! ♥

  2. To second Wendy, I’d like to share that my husband nearly burned down our middle school once by wrapping a piece of steel wool around a 9v battery. He has a doctorate in computer science and is a college professor, and is actually a bit overdue for another “I wanted to see what would happen/I expected it to burn, but not so much”, which we get every two or three years. He still has all the fingers he was born with, though.

  3. Here’s a little story for you…I am married to my Sister Heidi F.’s Brother-in-law, who is a lovely man. When he was in middle school, he burned the chicken coop down doing chemistry too near the hay! To this day he still likes making homemade fireworks, and Big model rockets. He is a perfectly respectable Professor now. 🙂

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