Hi. I’m Beth. I’m a mother of five.
I never planned to be a mother of five.
Greg and I were going to have two kids. Maybe three.
But life is funny and things don’t always go according to plan. That’s OK; plans are for reasonable people and it turns out we’re totally ridiculous.
This picture, for example? I’m in a chicken coop. Standing in chicken poop. Which exemplifies our life, really, because we can kind of pull off looking like we’ve got it together, but we’re also ankle deep in crap. The trick is learning to find the magic in the mess and the wonder in the wild. If that’s what you’re looking for – weird truth-telling, a whole lot of laughing through the muck, and an entire Village of like-minded friends, you’ve come to the right place.
I started this blog for my dear, sweet friend who called me one day and said, “If I see one more blog full of pretty ballerinas, I’m going to vomit. Where are the blogs about kids smearing poop on the walls? Where’s your blog?” That made me laugh, as the truth often does, and started me on a mission.
I’m here for you: to provide the comic relief, the grimy truth, and the sweet reality of parenting. Because if it can’t be easy, at least it’s awesome. You know, eventually.
Our kids are adopted and biological, singletons and multiples, and some have special needs. Most importantly, they’re all our very own.
Welcome to the mess!
Here’s my cast of characters:
Greg is my husband. He’s pretty great. I like him almost all the time.
As if putting up with me and our myriad children isn’t enough, he also has plans to protect us when the zombie apocalypse finally arrives. I rest my case, ladies.
Abby‘s our oldest. She was born in Vietnam and joined the family when she was nine weeks old. She made me a mommy, and I’m forever grateful. Abby is beautiful and graceful. (My ballerina. See? We’re not all poop-on-the-walls.)
Abby’s also sarcastic and hilarious. In fact, I blame her for the fact that we had four more children; if she wasn’t so great, we wouldn’t’ve gone and had more.
Ian‘s next. He’s named after my dad. You can tell they’re related by they way they both clomp up and down the stairs and can’t regulate their volume. We adopted Ian from Guatemala when he was three and a half years old.
Aden‘s our middle child. Her name means “fiery” and “beautiful.” Be very careful what you name your children is all I’m saying.
After adopting three kids, we decided to have one the old-fashioned way.
He came with a twin brother.
You can challenge him to a laugh-off. You’ll see.
And Cael‘s our fifth; he was born three hours and seventeen minutes after Cai, which, for those of you keeping track at home, means that labor shut down after I delivered one baby, and I had to do it AGAIN. That’s right. That can happen. Still traumatized. Turns out, Cael’s my snuggler; as soon as Cai vacated my womb, he just snuggled himself right down and took a long winter’s nap.
Cael is my cautious and logical child. He’s as sweet as sugar dipped in honey and spread on a cracker.
I blame Cai’s and Cael’s matchy twin-names on lack of sufficient prep time and the fact that I choke under pressure.
And that’s it.
Just the 5 kids.
If you’re still reading, I have a gold star with your name on it and your invitation to Thanksgiving dinner ready to pop in the mail. (Love you, Mom!)
Truth is, I’m very glad you’re here because this life is a whole lot more fun with friends on the journey.
If you’re new here, you can always begin reading with these favorites. And if you’re curious why people read Five Kids Is A Lot Of Kids, here are some of the unreasonably kind things people had to say:
- You capture the mom experience with all its pathos and humor!
- After reading your blog, I feel like I’ve just had a good laugh with a girlfriend.
- I read this blog because it makes me feel like I’m not alone. I appreciate your complete honesty on topics that I’d probably lie about!
- Because kids basically have a knack for making us question our sanity. And it’s great to know we’re not completely wrong at this parenting thing; and if we are, we’re not the only ones! We’re in great company.
- Your blog is hysterical, and I relate to it so much that sometimes it feels like you’re writing about me.
- You are authentic and genuine; you share things that a lot of moms deal with but just don’t admit or talk about. You have a fresh approach and optimistic look at life and it is refreshing.
- It is comedic and real. I’m not a mom, but I often find connections to my own life in your stories.
- I love your blog! It usually makes me laugh. I love that you can find such great humor in the craziness of raising 5 kids. And it makes me feel less alone when my kids do crazy things. Oh, and it makes me feel even more grateful we stopped at 3.
- I greatly enjoy the tone of your posts, and the “message” that you constantly are putting forth, which I would describe as “Family, it’s why we’re here.”
- I’m your dad… and Mom makes me.
No matter how you ended up here, I’m glad to have you along on this often-bumpy, always-entertaining journey.
Wishing, as always, love to you and yours,