beth equals bossHi.  I’m Beth. I’m a mother of five.

I never planned to be a mother of five.

Not ever.

Greg and I were going to have two kids. Maybe  three. 

But life is funny and things don’t always go according to plan. That’s OK; plans are for reasonable people and it turns out we’re totally ridiculous.

This picture, for example? I’m in a chicken coop. Standing in chicken poop. Which exemplifies our life, really, because we can kind of pull off looking like we’ve got it together, but we’re also ankle deep in crap. The trick is learning to find the magic in the mess and the wonder in the wild. If that’s what you’re looking for – weird truth-telling, a whole lot of laughing through the muck, and an entire Village of like-minded friends, you’ve come to the right place.

I started this blog for my dear, sweet friend who called me one day and said, “If I see one more blog full of pretty ballerinas, I’m going to vomit. Where are the blogs about kids smearing poop on the walls?  Where’s your blog?” That made me laugh, as the truth often does, and started me on a mission.

I’m here for you: to provide the comic relief, the grimy truth, and the sweet reality of parenting.  Because if it can’t be easy, at least it’s awesome. You know, eventually.

Our kids are adopted and biological, singletons and multiples, and some have special needs. Most importantly, they’re all our very own.

Welcome to the mess!

Here’s my cast of characters: 




Greg is my husband.  He’s pretty great.  I like him almost all the time.

As if putting up with me and our myriad children isn’t enough, he also has plans to protect us when the zombie apocalypse finally arrives. I rest my case, ladies.



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Abby‘s our oldest.  She was born in Vietnam and joined the family when she was nine weeks old.  She made me a mommy, and I’m forever grateful. Abby is beautiful and graceful. (My ballerina. See? We’re not all poop-on-the-walls.)

Abby’s also sarcastic and hilarious.  In fact, I blame her for the fact that we had four more children; if she wasn’t so great, we wouldn’t’ve gone and had more.


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Ian‘s next.  He’s named after my dad.  You can tell they’re related by they way they both clomp up and down the stairs and can’t regulate their volume. We adopted Ian from Guatemala when he was three and a half years old.

Ian has expressive and receptive language disorders and has led us on many, many adventures in learning how to advocate for kids with special needs.



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Aden‘s our middle child.  Her name means “fiery” and “beautiful.” Be very careful what you name your children is all I’m saying.

Born in Guatemala, Aden joined our family when she was 15 months old.  Aden is endearing and mischievous, which is a nice way of saying, Watch out, World!



 After adopting three kids, we decided to have one the old-fashioned way.

He came with a twin brother.




Cai‘s our fourth child.  He keeps us on our toes, and he’s joy personified.  No one in the world laughs as purely, deliciously, and delightfully as Cai.

You can challenge him to a laugh-off.  You’ll see.





And Cael‘s our fifth; he was born three hours and seventeen minutes after Cai, which, for those of you keeping track at home, means that labor shut down after I delivered one baby, and I had to do it AGAIN. That’s right. That can happen. Still traumatized. Turns out, Cael’s my snuggler; as soon as Cai vacated my womb, he just snuggled himself right down and took a long winter’s nap.

Cael is my cautious and logical child.  He’s as sweet as sugar dipped in honey and spread on a cracker.


I blame Cai’s and Cael’s matchy twin-names on lack of sufficient prep time and the fact that I choke under pressure.

And that’s it.

Just the 5 kids.

If you’re still reading, I have a gold star with your name on it and your invitation to Thanksgiving dinner ready to pop in the mail. (Love you, Mom!)

Truth is, I’m very glad you’re here because this life is a whole lot more fun with friends on the journey

If you’re new here, you can always begin reading with these favorites. And if you’re curious why people read Five Kids Is A Lot Of Kids, here are some of the unreasonably kind things people had to say:

  • You capture the mom experience with all its pathos and humor!
  • After reading your blog, I feel like I’ve just had a good laugh with a girlfriend.
  • I read this blog because it makes me feel like I’m not alone. I appreciate your complete honesty on topics that I’d probably lie about!
  • Because kids basically have a knack for making us question our sanity. And it’s great to know we’re not completely wrong at this parenting thing; and if we are, we’re not the only ones! We’re in great company.
  • Your blog is hysterical, and I relate to it so much that sometimes it feels like you’re writing about me.
  • You are authentic and genuine; you share things that a lot of moms deal with but just don’t admit or talk about. You have a fresh approach and optimistic look at life and it is refreshing.
  • It is comedic and real. I’m not a mom, but I often find connections to my own life in your stories.
  • I love your blog! It usually makes me laugh. I love that you can find such great humor in the craziness of raising 5 kids. And it makes me feel less alone when my kids do crazy things. Oh, and it makes me feel even more grateful we stopped at 3.
  • I greatly enjoy the tone of your posts, and the “message” that you constantly are putting forth, which I would describe as “Family, it’s why we’re here.”
  • I’m your dad… and Mom makes me. 

No matter how you ended up here, I’m glad to have you along on this often-bumpy, always-entertaining journey.

Wishing, as always, love to you and yours,





111 thoughts on “ABOUT US

  1. Nelson Manuel Pacheco Vieira says:


    My name is Nelson Vieira and I am a student of the Master’s degree in Social Communication at the Higher Institute of Social and Political Sciences of the University of Lisbon.

    I am currently developing a master’s thesis that deals with the perceptions of risk, both by young people and their parents, associated with the publication of photos on social networks. The exposure of everyday life in social networks is a new phenomenon in today’s society and has emerged opportunistic uses that pose real threats to young people, especially in terms of protecting their identity and privacy.

    This study intends to be a contribution to the awareness of the risks, to the interiorization of protective behaviors by the young people and their relatives and to the necessary regulation that has to be done in this scope.

    Your collaboration will also be fundamental for this research to produce the pedagogical and social effects that have been stipulated. In this regard, I would like to invite you to answer the following questions:

    1. What is your opinion on posting photos of children on social media like Facebook?
    2. Is it safe, or even ethical to post children’s images on social media networks and publish something about someone who can’t give their consent?
    3. Is sharing videos and pictures a violation of a child’s right to privacy and identity, or a simple act to remain connected to friends and family?
    4. What parents should consider when sharing their kids’ images – and lives – online?
    5. At what age do you think kids should be able to decide whether or not their parents can post something online about them?
    6. What control do the children have over their own privacy and their own digital footprint when others are posting the photos?
    7. What type of information would children want to see about themselves online at a later date?
    8. Will a child’s life, chronicled online, become something that hinders them, will it invite judgement, ridicule or cause embarrassment?
    9. How can we teach a child not to share private information if parents have the opposite behaviour?

    Best regards,

    Nelson Vieira

    Like: Thumb up 0

  2. Mouse says:

    I am loving your blog! I think I fell in love with you because of your ‘pooped the closet’ story. I too am a mom living out loud, anonymously though. I guess that’s not too loud, is it?! I’m doing a podcast with my sister (mouse and weens) because I’m so tired of the perfect-perfect moms and social media out there. Let’s get real, people! Real is relatable. Real is funny. Real is real-life. So there. 🙂 Congratulations on your success and keep it up!

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    • Lydia Espino says:

      I loved reading your blog. I am suspecting that I may be prego with #5 at the age of 36. Maybe I’m in denial but and ha be been taking my time to get tested. I’m worried because a baby #5 was not planned

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  3. Ruth says:

    Hey there! So how did I find your blog? By searching “how to get the stank out of a teenaged boy’s room” .
    Funny stuff here! After reading the comments( your readers also have quite the sense of humor) I bought a product someone recommended. I’ll keep you posted.
    Keep up the great entertaimment!
    Mom to 4
    Mother in law to 1
    Grandma to 1 and one baking 🙂

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  4. Dave M. says:

    Hey There,
    I’m so pleased I somehow came across your site. I’m blessed that my life partner – the mother of our 5 kids, all C-sections – is the most remarkable person I’ve known.
    We received all the mind-numbing comments (you have your own basketball team, etc) but that stuff only made us proud and confident.
    We are now both 65 and expecting our 7th grand-child with several more in our future, I’m sure.
    BTW, we have learned that a devoted couple never outgrows being parents and, usually, I’m terribly pleased by that reality.
    Rock On Large Families! Warm regards, Dave M

    Like: Thumb up 0

  5. Ricky Jackson says:

    I know how you feel and want to thank you for your article.
    If you choose, you can contact me by e-mail.

    Ricky Jackson,

    Former NOBTS Student
    Former Celebrate Recovery Ministry Leader
    Former K-Love Radio Ambassador

    Like: Thumb up 0

  6. Andy B says:

    Really like reading your blog. You stand out from all the other thousands of mom blogs out there because of your down-to-earth, funny and totally REAL tone. I have 6 kids myself (all singles, all biological) and it’s great to have somewhere to go where I feel like someone else GETS IT.

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  7. Amy Hathaway says:

    Hi there

    Your blog is amazing.

    I have five kids too (all adopted) with one more soon to join us….life is a big ball of chaoticiy fun!

    Like: Thumb up 0

  8. Julia says:

    Hi Beth,

    I’m interested in working with you. Let me know if you accept sponsored content.


    Like: Thumb up 0

  9. Hi Beth! I just stumbled upon your site in the Facebook rabbit hole I fell down, and I’m glad I did! I have five kids, too – and I very much appreciate your unreasonable, ridiculous people stories. Thanks for sharing your life! 🙂

    Like: Thumb up 0

  10. Melanie Kendrick says:

    THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BLOG! I just came across it and I feel so much better about being pregnant with my 5th baby! It’s a complete shock and still pretty surreal that I’m adding another baby to our family…Reading your blog made me feel a million times better, and I have the “I can do this attitude!” So thank you again, I can’t wait to keep reading!

    Like: Thumb up 0

  11. Ruby says:

    Love love love your blog!!!! I just discovered it and it really spoke to me! I will be following!!!! Please do me a favor and check my new blog out and see what you think! http://Www.mamashappyplace.com

    Like: Thumb up 0

  12. Gary says:

    I’m so looking forward to spending this Thanksgiving with you and your wonderful family and swapping some great stories; I usually spend holidays with my cats and I’ve already heard all of their tales. It’s probably a good idea to save any feculent anecdotes for after dinner in order to avoid those unpredictable and awkward gag reflexes while chowing down on dead bird and trimmings (especially the cranberry sauce — a story for another time). I’m hoping that you don’t serve tofu turkey as my religion imposes some very strict restrictions on that type of nonsense. Can I bring anything? I specialize in ice, paper plates, plastic utensils etc.

    Like: Thumb up +3

  13. Tamila says:

    Just found your blog by reading I pooped in my closet and I loved you right away. 🙂

    We have 7 kids. I call them our 7 from Heaven but sometimes I wonder. LOL

    After having 2 children by birth We did foster care for 12 years and had 65 toddlers and babies. We adopted 5. We have 3 still at home and 4 grand kids.

    Life is so full of life that laughter and truth is a must.

    I found your blog so refreshing, I’m all in. 🙂

    Like: Thumb up +4

  14. Crystal says:

    We are a family of 6 (4 beautiful boys 6, 4, 2, and 9m) and love it so much we’ve decided to add one more blessing to our lives. It’s hectic but I’ve never had so much fun and I just consider everyday a party in our house. 🙂 I too never imagined having more than 2 but here we are…and it’s crazy and awesome at the same time!

    Like: Thumb up +1

  15. Melissa says:

    I just read your blog on school and couldn’t stop laughing. I too am a mom of 5 with two Houdini dogs. Life is hectic 90% of the time and my kids can be overbearing (everyone of them), funny, miserable all in a 5 minute span but I love this crazy wonderful life God has created for me. Looking forward to your future adventures!!!!!!!!!

    Like: Thumb up +2

  16. Jenny says:

    I’m new to your blog and I already feel like we are friends. You have such a great personality. I’m excited to read more!

    Like: Thumb up +1

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