FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

If you’re new here, welcome! You can always begin reading with readers’ favorite posts, learn more about our family, or read on for the answers to questions I’m frequently asked.

Question: Is your life as crazy as you say?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Is your house as messy as you say?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Ew.

Answer: That wasn’t really a question.

Question: Ew?

Answer: Yes.

Question: When are you going to write a book already?

Answer: I’m working on it. I want it to be really, really, ridiculously good, though, so it may take a while. Stay tuned.

Question: Anything I can do to help with the book?

Answer: Absolutely! Without readers, there are no authors; you are an integral part of the process, and what you do matters. The very best thing you can do to help any writer is share her work through social media and word of mouth. Click “like” with abandon. Leave comments on the blog. Join in her community. Tweet, if you’re into that sort of thing. Believe it or not, none of these are to boost the writer’s ego (although your encouragement goes incredibly far to energize us!) … instead, all of these help a publisher determine whether or not a writer’s a good risk.

Question: You have FIVE KIDS; where in the world do you find time to write?

Answer: Writing is my release and my relief. Also, it’s a very, very good excuse not to clean my toilet. I steal time from dusting, doing laundry, cleaning out my fridge and putting crap away. Which explains why our house is a mess and why I never, ever let people take their shoes off when they visit.

Question: Can I advertise on your site?

Answer: Not right now. Maybe later? I used to offer advertising on this site, but it takes a lot of time to administrate, and that takes away from my writing time. I don’t do sponsored posts — I never have — so please don’t ask. Frankly, I’d rather create a community of momrades and rad dads and rad people in general who love and accept each other with abandon. While I fully support other bloggers making money through sponsorships and ads, monetizing doesn’t float my boat, although Greg would like me to reconsider.

Question: Can I guest post on your site?

Answer: I do not accept unsolicited guest posts. It’s not because I’m trying to be a Meany McMeanpants or that I don’t care about collaborating. It’s because I focus on writing original content. Unhelpful, non-expert, original content. I’m sure yours is better.

Question: Can I email you?

Answer: For sure! You can email me at FiveKidsIsALotOfKids@gmail.com. I LOVE getting emails, and I read every one. I’m occasionally able to answer them, even, but not all the time, because sometimes my children expect me to feed them.

 

24 thoughts on “FAQ / CONTACT

  1. Michele says:

    I read your post today on Raising Children UnFundamentalist and you wrote exactly what I feel about leaving the Evangelical Church! I wasn’t raised in church and my husband and I were “saved” through a friend of his and dove in deep and drank all the kool aid! It is about 18 years later and I feel completely stupid for buying in to so much BS, I was a Republican because it was the Christian party (not even close actually so now I am a registered Democrat), I have anxiety and depression and other physical chronic illnesses and was told over and over that it was some sin on my part or just not having enough fatih that kept me from being healed. I was handed scripture about not worrying and told how many times in the Bible it said not to worry so my panic attacks were sinful and I just needed to not worry and trust God more. I tried harder and harder and began to just avoid my church and Bible study altogether. My husband was just as bad as the people at church and told me “everything happens for a reason” and maybe I was sick so it could teach me or him or both of us something and as soon as we’d hurry up and learn it I would be healed! CRAZY! I still love Jesus and want to be more like him so I stand up for the ones who can’t stand up for themselves and donate to help others and show them his love. Thank you so much fro writing this, I know I am not alone!
    Now I just need to find a church in my area that I can feel good about being a part of that would be great! Any suggestions would be welcome…I live outside Milwaukee, WI

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    • Andrea Wenger says:

      Anyone with your experience would likely connect with the social Gospel emphasis of most Mennonite Church USA churches (just like any denomination, there are all kinds of Mennonites from liberal to conserevative, and some still dress plain). But this Mennonite church in Milwaukee looks like one you might want to check out: http://www.milwaukeemennonite.org/

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  2. janey pinneo says:

    hey beth! wanted to email you but still only have your medical teams email…. which is really old now! Mind emailing me about publishing AND to simply catch up? Loved reading about your Uganda journey with Martha, so rich and it brought back memories. I’ve been wondering about publishing my journals from years ago. Many have asked me “Are you ever going to publish them?” And i’m beginning to thing maybe “yes”. So would love your thoughts and wisdom in this process. I’m certainly not looking to do what you are doing as I don’t still write, publicly that is. Just interested in publishing my mission journals. Look forward to chatting with you my friend. You are a treasure in our life! Janey

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  3. Billy says:

    O.k., am I blind or something? Stumbled across your blog via a FB post by a friend. Find it humorous and would like to subscribe to it. Not seeing a place to do so.

    Like: Thumb up +1

  4. EricaG says:

    I just found your blog today. Even the FAQ had me laughing! I have four children, and I identify with your comment about NOT taking shoes off. I use the dog as my excuse!

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  5. David says:

    I am a grown man and I actually cried when I started reading some of your posts. I am a gay Christian and it got me. You really get it. You get my struggle. I try to explain it to people but you REALLY get it. Thank you! Please come to the south and speak somewhere. I will drive a whole day to hear you speak.

    Like: Thumb up +13

  6. randi c says:

    Oh man, I stumbled upon your post about pooping on carpets when you’re hella pregnant and I just died laughing. Then I read a dog named bullshit and I texted my friend and said, “This is the writer I want to be when I grow up.” And she read your stuff and said, “Yes, she is your people.”

    So I’m more commenting to let you know that you are my people and this was determined through stories about adult incontinence and cursing toddlers, which I fear speaks more about me, than it does about you. I SO get you, sister. We have perhaps been separated at birth. (I will check with my mom, you check with yours, someone will break eventually.) Anyway, that’s pretty much it.

    Much love,

    Randi

    Like: Thumb up +3

  7. jennifer says:

    I just found your blog! You are hysterical!! I too have 5 kids – most of my friends have 3,4,5,6+ – we live in a very fertile town with all kinds of families really – blended, birth families, adopted families, etc., it makes no difference! We’re all in this together! I work at night as a nurse – I went back to school and then to work after being given the gifti of staying home with our babies for 18 years thanks to my awesome, sexy Hubs. Anyhoo, keep writing! You’re doing a stupendous job!!!!!

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  8. Pam says:

    Beth,
    Hi! Thanks for taking time to write and be real!

    I came across this book at the library and I thought you might find it interesting and helpful, too: The Woman’s Guide to Managing Migraine by Susan Hutchinson. It surpassed my expectations. It was just published this year.

    Pam

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  9. I only have one child. I now know why my mom always introduced me as “this is my only child, Melody. She’s like 10.” Does it get any easier after the 1st child or should I just grin and bear it for the next 14 years? In all seriousness, I’m enjoying your blog thoroughly, like I want to pee in my panties…wait, that’s the uterus that needs more kegel exercises…

    Honestly, THANKS for writing. I’m loving it over here!

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  10. Greetings, Beth,

    I came across your excellent article on 20 Things Parents Need To Hear. Not sure of your location, but here in Canada, the elements you expressed, certainly ring true. Or, in our case, rang true, as my young’uns are somewhat older now. 🙂

    Thanks again for your refreshing and humorous take on family life.

    Regards
    Stafford Edwards
    Ontario Canada

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  11. Karl Banks says:

    Hi Beth, just dropped by to tell you how much fun and how refreshing I find your blog :))
    Surreal, unreal and factual, all at once…. With so many smiles thrown I to the mix! THANK YOU!! :))
    I do have a question: I’m a single dad with two children, do you ever invite or include your husbands angle or humorous anecdotes for submission on the blog?
    Keep up the good work :))
    Love and very best wishes to you and your family.
    Karl xx

    Like: Thumb up +1

  12. Lisa says:

    So I just wanted to say thank-you!

    I accidentally stumbled across your blog and started reading and it made me laugh so much I went right back to the start and have spent the last two weeks reading the lot (parts of it aloud to my husband). We only have two kids (1 and 2) here and I think I vary my momming (or mumming since I’m Australian) from you with 3 kids and you with 5 kids (just to keep things interesting). Some weeks it feels like I’m never going to get on top of it all, other weeks I bake bread and make cookies from scratch. Reading all of your stories has helped put it all in perspective!

    So thank-you for being honest and sharing the gross, the hilarious, the ugly, the sad and the truly touching! Thank-you for being honest. I look forward to hearing your next story.

    Oh and my husband says “thank-you, thank-you, thank-you for sharing your cinnamon roll recipe” (I’ve made them for him a couple of times this week and am planning on taking some when we visit my mother in law in order to impress her).

    Like: Thumb up +3

    • Beth Woolsey says:

      Aw. Laura, THANK YOU for taking the time to write and share your story. I love introductions, and I love the reminder that I’m not actually writing in a void. What a kind thing for you to do. x’s and o’s, new friend.

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  13. Stefanie says:

    Your daily blogs have been such an utter blessing to me. I am a mother of five, who is completely unorganized, a bit ADD, scattered brained, etc. I was truly in a bad place when I started reading your blog. Not surprisingly I don’t have alot of other friends with 5 children to relate to, and the only person I know with 5 children is my mother in law who is a perfectionist. Literally you could probably eat off her bathroom floors and not end up with a funky anella sounding virus. That being said my house keeping leaves a lot to be desired. I have marker on almost all my walls, an oriental rug with yogurt stains, and the laundry is currently three feet high in the laundry room. I was truly feeling like an utter failure when I began reading your blog and I could relate to so many of the things you write about. Slowly but surely I have come to realize that I’m not perfect, my kids are my biggest project (meaning most of my time is spent reading, doing homework, snuggling, etc.). Thank you so much for sharing with all of us.

    Stefanie
    Mother of Five Fabulous Children
    (and a six coming in December…oops… that’s another story 🙂

    Like: Thumb up 0

  14. Lauren says:

    Love your blog and finally figured out how to manage my blog favorites via the feedler app. Now to try and figure out how to unsubscribe from the email feed. Can you assist because I can’t find the unsubscribe button.

    Thank you!!!

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  15. Monica says:

    I have a lot of kids too! Five, in fact!

    Love your blog. Great stuff — a lifeline to moms everywhere: good job, mama!

    🙂 Monica

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  16. Karyn Brown says:

    Hi Beth. I have four kids and we are hoping to have our fifth as soon as Mother Nature cooperates. I’m curious…what kind of a vehicle do you have to accommodate a family this size? It seems to me that the minivan is just not going to cut it, even though it “technically” will have enough seats for everyone.

    Karyn

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    • Beth Woolsey says:

      Hi, Karyn, and welcome to our little world!

      I’ll tell ya… picking a vehicle for our brood is a challenge! And, given the fact that only weeks ago, our old van vomited its transmission guts all over the highway and gave up the ghost, we recently wrestled with this problem.

      We settled on the 8-passenger Toyota Sienna. It’s really very spacious, and gives us a whole extra seat, for, you know, arguing over. 😉

      Good luck with your expanding family! Wishing you all the best.

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      • Beth! You joined us in the lovely world that’s called Toyota!!! How awesome 🙂 We too have the extra seat (well, technically two for now, but not for long!), fortunately no one argues over it since it doesn’t have a children’s seat or seat booster on it, which I guess we should be counting our blessings over now that I read the above comment… 😉
        Anyway, just thought I’d share my happiness with you over our families kinda being car-twins, hahaha 😉

        ps: just for Greg, because I know guys are interested in the whole ‘what is the exact name of the model and all those silly details’: our car is a Toyota Previa (a red one, yay!) and it seats 7, so that’s plenty for us 🙂 I’m guessing Toyota doesn’t call these ‘Previa’ in the US, because we didn’t see any with the same name when we were over there this summer, they must name it differently. Okay, I’m gonna stop now, I can just feel myself getting carried away and I should really start spending my ‘alone time’ (no kids in the house right now!) usefully with, you know, things like laying on the couch watching tv and sleeping 😉

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  18. Carina says:

    I’m so happy I at least know what a urinal cake is! (which tells me I’m doing pretty good on the whole ‘English as a second language thing’, well, I feel it does, it does right? 😉 )

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