How to Win at Parenting (You Know, More Than Your Partner Wins at Parenting)

I lost last week’s Parenting Competition to my husband, which, to be precise, really Sucked the Sucky Suck.

Now, Greg doesn’t know there’s a weekly Parenting Competition, or that we’re competing at all, because I’ve never told him. Also, he’s nice and not competitive (except during Settlers and Scrabble when he’s kind of a jerk) and so he’s always rooting for me in parenting and in life (but not in board games), but that doesn’t make the Parenting Competition less real. Or me less of its winner. Because winning when no one else knows you’re playing? IS STILL WINNING, friends. Still winning. ...  read more

How to Teach Your Kid Effective Communication

I’ve got one kid who’s more susceptible to the stomach flu than the others. I promise you, if it’s going around, and often even if it’s not, this kid will get it at least twice. Often three times. And repeat every other month or so just so he doesn’t forget how. But the good news is, he processes it in less than 24 hours. Every time. So, silver lining! ...  read more

On Sunday Morning

On Sunday morning, after the 12th “GEEZ, MOM,” and the 17th “WHATEVER, DAD,” and the 45th time he made that cat-ralphing-up-a-hairball sound of teenaged disgust, I sent the large boy child to his room. He said, “GREAT!” and grinned maliciously in my direction with a sassy little shake of the head, so I said, “You can stay in your room for INFINITY!” And he said, “I WANT to stay in my room for infinity!” And I said, “FINE. You can stay in your room for LONGER than infinity,” because I think it’s important for the parent to always remain calm and set an example of mature authority. ...  read more

When the Mommy War is of My Own Making

I opened her blog and I saw it again. Another statement — an aside, really — explaining why she no longer writes about her children. It was just a quick note to her readers to help them understand the shift in her content, I think. Her babies are getting bigger, you see. And she wants to honor their stories as their own. To respect them and hold their hearts gently. To do everything in her power to protect their sacred space. ...  read more

Warning: Kids Grow Up. This Is Not a Drill.

I feel like it’s important to warn you so you at least have a chance to avoid me today. To hunker down in your house under your blankets or your baby’s burp-rag or whatever you can find. To lock yourself in the bathroom and to tell your littles to shush and quiet down and here, eat this whole Hershey bar so the crazy lady outside can’t hear us when I come pounding on your door. To not answer the phone when I call you. To put an out-of-office notice on your email. To runRun, is what I’m saying. Save yourselves. ...  read more

5 Tips for Kids on Writing Apology Notes

We’ve weathered our fair share of apology note writing at our house. Just off the top of my head, our topics have included hitting, head butting, face flicking, and nut punching. Not to make you jealous, but we’re very, very experienced apologizers. It’s important as a parent, I think, to lead the charge by screwing up at least once a day — more if you can manage it — and then apologizing so your kid can see by example how it’s done. ...  read more

My kid accidentally punched his sister in the face.

My six-year-old accidentally punched his teenaged sister in the face on the way to school this morning. I know it was an accident by the way he yelled, “IT WAS A ACCIDENT. IT WAS A ACCIDENT. IT WAS A ACCIDENT.”

She thought it wasn’t an accident, FYI. She thought he did it on purpose. She thought he should Knock. It. OFF. GEEZ! But I reminded her that he accidentally punched himself in the penis last night and laid himself flat — twice — so I think maybe we should give him the benefit of the doubt. ...  read more