Dear Canine Guest

This is a painting by Jackson Pollock, a famous painter and major figure in the abstract expressionist movement.

Just keep it in mind.

Now on to the post…

………

Dear Canine Guest,

I feel like there are some important things for you to know, and, while I’m not very good at subtle communication (my parents used to say I had the capacity to be just a touch overbearing), I’m going to give it a shot. ...  read more

Jack: A Love Story

Jack lives down the street.  Except when he’s at our house.

And Jack takes his role as lapdog very, very seriously.  If there’s a lap and a laptop, he really feels he has no other choice than to lay upon them both.  No shirking of lapdog responsibilities around here, I assure you.

Now, I don’t have houseplants.  And I don’t grow a garden unless my mama grows tomatoes for me.  I don’t grow herbs in my kitchen window.  And I had to find my front porch hanging flower basket a more loving home because, you know, I was afraid that Plant Protective Services would send the fuzz to rough me up. ...  read more

“Are you going to finish eating that?” and other things I’ve said to my dog…

“Are you going to finish eating that?  ‘Cause, if you aren’t, I will.”

I said that to my dog.

It’s not pretty.  It’s just true.

Yesterday, we played “Did I Say It to My Child or My Dog?

And yesterday, bless your sweet and darling “think the best of everyone” hearts, you thought I said that to my child.  You really are the nicest...  read more

Schadenfreude: The Backyard Edition

schadenfreude – (noun) pleasure derived from another person’s misfortune

Every now and then, I like to share something “as is.”  Something that hasn’t been prettied up for you.  Something that keeps me honest.

What?

I do that every day?

“STOP, Beth!” the crowd cries.  “We can’t take any more honesty from you!” ...  read more

Updated: Weekend Earring Giveaway

May 2, 2011 Update: Winners!

Yep, big surprise.  I couldn’t pick just one winner.  So I kept drawing ’til they’re all gone, and now I have to go back to LB Designs and buy some for myself.  Shoot!

Congratulations to the following winners, selected randomly:

  1. Monica: “#1 is calling to me. Gold AND pink? Check. Check.”
  2. Holly in Japan : “‘Well played, dog. Well played.’ soooo funny! Animals are smarter than we give them credit for, I think. He knows how to keep his bread buttered. ‘I do ship internationally. Because I can do whatever I want. Except teach a kid to behave well enough to keep from being suspended. Control what you can, right?’ oh Beth, you are seriously cracking me up. Story of my life! control what you can. Two more fave quotes!  Oh yes, I nearly forgot the earrings. Love them all – would wear the red ones the most, but I’m always up for a new wardrobe for any pair of earrings. (^_^)v”
  3. Heidi:  “Beth, You are a riot…R-I-O-T! You should know that Kim, your sis-in-law is one of your biggest fans…she got me hooked on you! That, and your baby shower throwing skills kind of sealed the deal for me. Darn pork n beans! ;) By the way…I’m not normally a dangly earring kind of gal, but I’m willing to try something new if I win. I’ll go with pair #2!! :)

Thanks, ladies!  And congrats on your wins!  Please email your address to fivekidsisalotofkids@gmail.com so I can get these shipped to ya. ...  read more

Papa Ono

My dad, or “Papa” to my kids, has a new name around here.

I’ll get to that in a second.

Papa will be the first to tell you that little kids aren’t really his thing.

Give him a surly adolescent any day of the week over a pre-verbal baby.

What’s particularly touching to me is the way my dad has taken on my oldest son, Ian.

Ian’s not usually my easiest kid. ...  read more

Listening Ears

My girlfriend Leanne watches my kids when I work.

The problem with Leanne is that I like her.  When I pick my kids up, I talk to her.  So then I’m late to stuff.

See how that’s Leanne’s fault?

Yesterday, Leanne’s likability meant I buckled Aden, Cai and Cael into my car at 4:23pm.

The vet, where our dog was waiting to be picked up, closed at 5:00pm. ...  read more