In Which I Tell You My Weight… and Talk About Being Both Human and Loved

I preached at a Quaker church on Sunday. Or, in Quaker speak, I brought a message to their meeting.

And here’s the thing: I had it all figured out ahead of time. Everything I’d say. It’s a message I’ve given before and one very close to my heart. My favorite thing to talk about, really, the idea that we exist in the mud and the mess and the muck… and that the magnificent is to be found in this crazy life. We are, all of us, so deeply human; horrible and heroic to our very bone. And we are, all of us, made in the image of God, whom I call Love when the God Concept is too much or too co-opted or too politicized for me to bear. ...  read more

15 REAL Dos and Don’ts of Juice Cleansing

I’ve started a juice cleanse to jump start myself back into better eating habits following this past season of life which I shall call the Unlimited Chocolate and Cheese season. And also the Don’t Hold Back the Butter season. And the Of Course I’ll Have Fries With That season. A good season, to be honest. A great season. And one I fully intend to revisit. But one from which my clothes and I need a brief break if we’re going to have any hope of making our relationship long-term.  ...  read more

On Finding the Gym and a New Comfort Zone

I bought a trial membership at the gym this week which was harder than you might think and not just because it’s a gym and also, Oh Sweet Baby Jesus Smiling Sweetly in His Manger, a GYM.

No. It was harder than you might think because I forgot how to get there.

That’s right.

I’ve been to the gym before, folks, but it’s been so long I couldn’t remember how to find it. Also, I forgot that my fancy phone can hold my hand, whisper assurances, and take me there if I but ask. I often forget this about God, though, too, so at least my phone’s in good company, eh? ...  read more

Couch-to-5K or 5K-to-Couch? Decisions, decisions.

I really wanted to title this post “Butt Weight, there’s more!” Because it’s about running and why I run and my weight, and, you know, butt weight, there’s more. But then I thought that title might be mean to me, and I’m trying to knock that crap off. So, well, this is the conversation I had with myself abou tit:

But it’s funny!
But it’s mean.
Butt it’s funny!
Yeah. I totally saw that. Knock it off.
Fine. Forge tit.
I think you meant to type forget it.
Oops. Those t‘s and the tricky space bar always mess me up.
You’re the most immature person I know, Beth.
RIGHT? ...  read more

A Series of Facts Unrelated to Weight Gain

My annual medical exam was something of a disappointment because, you see, I have no fibroid tumors or other fantastic growths on which to blame my 10-pound weight gain.  I made my doctor do an extra pelvic pass just to be sure, and then I double and triple checked.

“No tumors?”

“No.  No tumors.”

“How about one tumor?” ...  read more

Things That Happen In My Womb

My womb is a special place.  I know that’s true because three of my kids are forever asking if they can go there.

“Mom,” says my 5-year-old, “can I sweep in yo womb?”

“Cael,” I reply, “do you think you can manage to get a broom in my womb?  ‘Cause I know I grew twins in there, and it may appear externally that it’s still capacious, but I’m almost positive that I can’t get a whole broom up there.  Maybe a hand-broom, but a full-size version is right out.” ...  read more

13.1

Susan, Beth & Jen
photo courtesty of Susan Heid at
The Confident Mom

Well, shoot.  That half marathon wasn’t going to run itself.

Remember the half marathon I was going to do?  And then the same one that I wasn’t gonna do?  Now it’s the one that I just DID!

That’s right.

If you’ve been following along, you might have whiplash right about now.  Welcome to friendship with me.  Now you know.  I’m wishy-washy.  I’m scatter-brained.  I make up my mind, I change it, and then I repeat, because it’s so much fun. ...  read more