The Wetters of the Alphabet

They’re boys.

They’re twins.

They’re 4.

They pee in the same toilet.

At the same time.

Often.

We went to McDonalds on Saturday.

Cai had to go potty.  Cael thought that sounded fun and asked to come, too.

I wasn’t sure why he thought that sounded fun.

Do you sense the foreshadowing?

We three squeezed into one stall and the cooperative peeing adventures began.

All of a sudden, I noticed arching pee streams straying from the toilet bowl, skittering off the edge of the toilet seat and dripping onto the floor.

“What are you doing?” I screeched intelligently.  “Pee goes in the toilet, not on the floor.”

“But Mom,” my preschool boy Cael announced, “we’re making an X.”

“You’re making an X?”

“Yes.  You know, the letter X?”

Except Cael can’t pronounce his “L’s,” so what he really said was, “Yes.  You know, the wetter X?”

Mm hmm.  I was starting to understand that it was the Wetter X.

“You guys are making letters with your pee?”

“Yep!” they agreed proudly.

So, on behalf of all the Wetters of the Alphabet, I’d like to officially apologize to McDonalds bathroom users everywhere.

I cleaned it up the best I could.  Honest.

This message was brought to you by the letters X and P.

And by the number 1.

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
6 comments
  1. So funny, I have a good one kinda similar to yours.

    My 2nd son started preschool this fall, he’s fully potty trained, stands up and all that.
    Anyway, when we were touring the classroom and he saw the drinking fountain. We told him he can drink from it when he’s thirsty. He tried it out, and spends about 10 minutes playing with it while I’m talking with his teacher.

    Okay, maybe that should’ve been the foreshadowing, but I didn’t see it.

    After his 2nd or 3rd day, I think it was the Friday night of his first actual “weekend” Im in the bathroom about to start stripping to get ready for my shower, he bursts in holding himself saying “I have to make peep”. Putting the seat up for him, I say “go ahead buddy”. He quickly drops his pants and starts, I look away and turn the shower water on. Then I look back and he has his penis pointing upward, he says
    “look Dad, I’m going water fountain peepee!!!”

    At first it’s all going in the bowl, so I don’t really react any more than “oh brother”; but then, to my dismay, he changes up his artillery; he pulls back his foreskin all the way, which constricts the flow a bit, and the arc goes about 4 feet high!!! What possessed him to do that??!!!

    All over the toilet tank, the stuff on top of it, the toilet paper, and the counter.

    I just stand there with half stunned look and half like “really?”

    He says “oops” with a priceless guilty look, and immediately drops his bazooka and lets the last 2 seconds of pee hit the water.

    I asked him if he ever did that in school, of course he said “no” [questionable]

    We established a rule that he could only go pee-pee “water fountain style” when we were outside. All peeing outside rules remained in effect, sort of.

  2. lol, when I was 4, me and my best friend used to make X’s Y’s V’s and a few other letters with our pee

  3. Seriously. You are hilarious. I wish we could meet in real life cause I think we’d be friends. I love your blog, and I love that your boys pee together. Mine are five and a half, and they do, too.

  4. This is hilarious!!! Thanks so much for posting!!!

  5. Soooooooo cute! They are hysterical!

  6. Ok, that is hi-larious!!

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