The Electro Cuban

Cai, Cael and I have been reading a book about water safety.  Boats, life jackets, anchors, paddles, how to bail water, etc., etc. and so forth.  Their minds are sponges at age 4, and it’s fun to watch them soak up knowledge.

Last night, Cael asked me to explain the Electro Cuban.

The Electro Cuban? I said.

Yes, Cael confirmed.  The Electro Cuban.

I don’t know, Cael.  Maybe it’s a really expensive cigar you plug into the wall?

Cael was pretty sure that wasn’t it.  Me, too, actually, but I still thought it was funny.  Sometimes my kids look very concerned at the things that make me laugh.

I asked for more information so I could help Cael out.  In case you’re not familiar with the Electro Cuban, Cael reports:

The Electro Cuban is something you do with water and whitening and it hurts very, very bad.

Really?  I thought teeth whitening was relatively painless.

OH!  Water and lightening and it hurts very, very bad.

Cael, do you mean electrocution?

Yes, that’s what I said, Mommy.  The Electro Cuban.

Ah ha!

…….

When my twin boys grow up to be crime bosses, I’ll know I should’ve put a stop to their plotting today.

The boys hatched a brilliant scheme for cheating at preschool share time.

See, share time is that most wonderful part of the preschool day where one lucky child gets to bring a toy from home to show the whole class.  With 12 kids to a class and only 2 days of school per week, it’s a special kind of torture for kids to wait their turn for six whole weeks… longer even, with holidays thrown in the mix.

When MOMMY!  I HAVE THE SHARE BAG! is the first, high-pitched, screeching sound that hits me coming in the door, I know that the excitement has begun.

Wonder of wonders, Cai brought home the share bag this week.

Before school on Monday, we’ll pick out a toy, we’ll put it in the share bag, and we’ll write some clues so the rest of the class can guess what magical thing might emerge.  We’ll make it complicated.  Something like: 1) It’s plastic. 2) It’s a guy. 3) He’s a space ranger who says “to infinity and beyond.”   Bwahahahaha… they’ll never guess!

And, if you can’t be the kid who has the share bag, you sure as heck want to be the kid who guesses right on what’s in it.  Yeah, it might be a second string position, but, man, it means you’re on the team.

Tonight, my boys were working through ways to get past Share Time security and break into the vault.

They have the schematics all laid out.  They mocked up a fake preschool room.

OK, Cai, let’s pretend that this pillow is a carpet square.  And this bear will be Mrs. Staples.  Now here’s our plan…

And then Cael laid it all out.

I will sit here.  In the front.

I’ll be the guy at the bar with a club soda wearing a pink tie.  You can’t miss me.

I will raise my hand, just like this.  You will say my name and point to me.

We’ll be in.  In like Flynn.

I will guess, and I will be right!

They’ll never know what hit ’em.  In.  Out.  Just like we planned.  Then we’ll live the rest of our lives on our own private island, feet in the sand.

Gosh, I know I should’ve stopped them and explained how to be fair to all the rest of the kids.  I know I should’ve put their conspiracy to rest.  But I was too busy cracking up in the hall to break up their early efforts at a life of crime.

All this plotting sheds a whole new light on the Electro Cuban discussion, though.

Maybe I should be a lot more concerned.

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
9 comments
  1. ps: that really IS a rock solid defense! 🙂

    1. Thanks, Carina! I knew you’d have my back.

      1. you’re welcome! by the way, have I told you how happy I am with the comments news feed? HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! Will you say ‘thanks’ from me to Greg once more? Thanks 🙂 (again: HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! it makes me feel ‘in the loop’ I guess, I like being in the loop! 🙂 )

  2. LOL – maybe it’s time to split them between different teachers now? Ha ha hah aha!

    1. So right, Sally! I knew they’d get around to “twin tricks” eventually, but I never imagined it would be so early. Silly me… I thought they would be thwarted by their fraternal looks (no switching classes in their future), but no, they came up with something new. Kids!

  3. I’m laughing so loud my kids are about to call 112 (which is our 911) and have me committed. I think. I might be wrong. But then again, that might fit in perfectly with my clinical picture. Fortunately I haven’t heard any mention about Electro Cuban yet, so I guess I’m good for now 😉 (I’m wondering whether they still use electric shocks on psychiatric patients nowadays, I sure hope not!)
    Can’t wait to hear what they were planning to do with the water & the lightning though… (sadly we might never find out, wouldn’t that be a pity?)

    1. ps: ‘in like Flynn’? I don’t get it… (which might be a cultural reference thing, I’m sure it is, in which case: explain it to me please! I love using things my colleagues have never heard of, makes me feel so smart. I said ‘feel’. Yes I did.)

      1. In like Flynn… to be quickly, emphatically successful. Except, um, I just looked it up and discovered that it also refers to exploits of a sexual nature. Oops! I’m going to go with the defense that this phrase has changed over time and lost its sexual connotation, ok, guys? I’m so, so very young that I had no idea it used to have another connotation at all. How’s that? Solid defense?

        Beth

      2. Lady, you make me laugh so hard and you’re teaching me so many awesome things… UNBELIEVABLE!!! (so glad it’s almost Monday again, if only for the fact that I have something new to share with my peeps! ‘in like Flynn’, I wonder if it’s gonna stick 😉 )

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