Valentines’ Day Activity Guide

Yeah, yeah.  I know Valentines’ Day is still 4 days away.  But if you’re like us and you manage any celebration at all, it’s not necessarily going to coincide with the holiday itself.

Anticipating that you may need this information as soon as Friday for your celebration, I thought I’d give you one of my most compelling romantic tips.

I don’t do this lightly.

I’ve never shared this in public, and I rarely give away secrets this awesome even in private.

In fact, my father, brother and father-in-law may want to stop reading at this point, because when I say romantic, I mean that kind of romantic.

Read on at your own risk.

Ready?

Here we go.

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Ladies and Gentlemen, for guaranteed success during your special time together, watch Demolition Man.

Oh yes.  Demolition Man.

You think I’m kidding.

I assure you, I’m not.

See, here’s the thing about Demolition Man:  It may, in fact, be the most boring movie on the planet.

I’ve written a synopsis to help you understand exactly what I mean.

First, Sylvester Stallone is a guy who gets frozen and then defrosts in the future.

(Yeah, I’m pretty sure it isn’t called defrosting, but I’m a little out of date on my futuristic sci-fi thawing vocabulary.)

Second, pre-freeze, Sylvester Stallone was good.  And then he was bad.  Then, post-freeze, Sylvester Stallone was bad.  And then he was good.

This is compelling stuff, right?  You’re with me so far?

Third, Wesley Snipes comes into it somehow.

And I’m almost positive he’s a bad guy.  Because his hair screams “I’m a bad guy,” and also because I bet he doesn’t smile like that when he’s trying to be nice.

And, finally, Sandra Bullock (before Sandra Bullock was Sandra Bullock) does something adorable and endearing.

Also, there’s a lot of stuff about futuristic Taco Bell.  Actually, I like that part.  Don’t tell anyone.  Liking futuristic Taco Bell is both lame and embarrassing.

Greg and I have watched Demolition Man at least six times.

I have no idea how it ends.

Ahem.

I have no idea how it ends. Wink wink.  Nod nod.  Exchange of knowing looks.

The first time Greg and I watched Demolition Man, we thought it was an anomaly.

We thought maybe it was just one of those things.

Then we tried to watch it a second time because we’d rented it, and we’re cheap.

Didn’t make it through that time, either.

Then we wondered if it was a pattern, so we rented it again.

Same result.

Again and again.

I’m telling you.  This movie is magic.

And there you have it.  All your romantic woes solved.  Just in time for Valentine’s Day.

I give and I give and I give.

You’re welcome.

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
14 comments
  1. […] your Valentine life. Now, USUALLY Greg and I like to have the flu on Valentine’s Day. Or watch Demolition Man because we’re die hard romantics. I know, I know — #relationshipgoals. It’s just, as I’ve […]

  2. Oh this is so amazing. Demolition Man is totally sold out. Fiddle de deeeee!

  3. for the first time in your blog-ing-ness, I actually can’t believe you put this out there!!! This tells me one thing…none of us are safe. You will post anything.

    1. Hmmm… anything? That sounds like a fun challenge. 🙂

      Beth

  4. I was very excited to see what this would be about when I saw the title in my news feed. You didn’t disappoint 🙂

    1. Thanks, Angela! FYI – updated my blog list w/ yours. LOVED your post on Christianity. Very authentic and truthful. I think it’s awesome that you’re on an honest journey and willing to figure out what you *really* think instead of what others tell you to think. Beautiful!

      Beth

  5. Hmm. Wonder if it’s on Netflix. Thanks for the romantic tip! 🙂
    My tip: Camping and a bottle of wine. I don’t know if it is the outdoors or the wine, but it works every time!

    1. Ha! Thanks for the tip, Kelleigh! Apparently, my dad and father-in-law have both ignored my advice and are reading, so I won’t tell you that I completely agree with your tip. Shhhhh! Maybe they won’t see this.

      Beth

  6. I think we were in our fifties before we tried Chariots of Fire again. But then you probably didn’t need to know that. (Sorry Dave… add me to your prayer list.)

    1. If anyone’s ever wondered how/why I became this inappropriate, all they need to do is read this post from my father. Thanks for the visual aid, Dad. I’m reminded of the time you said “I love your mom very much. And very often.” Ew! It’s still ew, even after 37 years. 😉

      Beth

  7. Josh said he thought maybe we should try to rent that movie… do you own it now anyway?
    I just looked down and noticed the time – 5:15pm! I have been sitting here reading up on your blogs from this one to January… I’ve laughed, cried, and wrote notes – okay, well not really written notes, but I have stashed ideas away for later use. Thanks for the inputs! Much enjoyed. Now whats for dinner? …well, maybe just one more blog read.

    1. Ha! Yes, in fact, we DO own it now! Glad you’re enjoying. How was dinner?

      Beth

  8. Note to self: The next time Beth says “my father and brother and father-in-law may want to stop reading at this point” stop reading.

    Note to Beth: Your blog helps me know how to pray for you, but it takes so much time!

    1. Oh, Dave, I should’ve had Jeff call you. He learned long, long ago that when I say “you don’t want to know,” he really, truly doesn’t want to know. In fact, I’ll bet he’ll never comment on this post because he won’t make it past that line. You should see the stories I had to tell to get him to that point! 😉
      And I’ll take all the prayers I can get.
      Beth

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