Coconuts and Butt

This is just a quick weekend update in case you’re wondering what happens here during my off-blog time.

…….

Cael, singing to the tune of London Bridges:

Coconuts are falling down, falling down, falling down.

Coconuts are falling down, my fair wady.

Greg:  That’s because they’re getting older and sagging.

Me:  I’m sorry.  What?

My eyes may or may not have turned red and had laser beams coming out of them.

Greg:  That was funnier in my head than it was in implementation.

I bet.

(Please don’t tell Greg I thought that was funny, too.  It’ll ruin all the scowling I did.)

…….

Also,

Aden’s bedroom smells like butt.

Or rotten cheese.

Or sweaty feet in sockless tennis shoes, rubbed in rotten cheese, and hanging out in a 5th grade classroom.

I can smell it when I’m in her room.

I can smell it from outside her room.

I can smell it from the grocery store two miles away.

OK, maybe not that last one, but, ew!

We cleaned Aden’s room.

Greg braved the underside of Aden’s bed.

There was no wedge of decaying cheese.  Or rotten fruit.  Or dead animals.

We washed all of Aden’s clothes.

We washed all of her bed linens.

(I hear some people wash bed linens every single week.  Can you believe it?)

We finally broke down and washed the child herself.

We deodorized the room.  Several times.

And now her room smells like…

butt.

…….

Who wants to come over to my house?

Come on.

It’ll be fun.

Falling coconuts and butt smell.  Good times.

No one?

Weird.

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
11 comments
  1. Mental note: get Febreze Fabric and Odor-Ban 😉 (not sure whether you can get Odor-Ban over here, but Febreze I’ve seen in the store!)

  2. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I concur with Aj, Febreeze Fabric does the trick. She hated the stuff when I’d spray the whole the apt in college but hey, it smelled better. 🙂

  3. I’m a huge fan of odo-ban. I have a tweenage boy (so weird to use that term for him!) and he smells. He skateboards, and sweats. He walks and sweats. He breathes and sweats… so he smells. He showers and smells clean for all of twenty minutes… his room smells like him. Tweeange Boy Eu De Sweat. Odo-ban to the rescue. Spray a light mist over everything and anything that will hold still long enough. Smells better for at least a week until he re-stinks everything.

    1. I meant to add that it works for cat-urine smell too. Anything that gets cat pee smell out of things ranks at the very top of my cleaning supply list!

    2. Hearken unto my comments to Amy. The husband and I were ready to race out to find this magical odor weapon. If it can combat Teenage Boy, then it is something I must try.

      My oldest boy is only 11. Oh dear Father in Heaven… please don’t let his current smell be an indicator of greater smell to come. I’m not sure my house can take Aden + a teenage boy. It might fall over from Smell Pressure. Or I’ll have to start issuing gas masks to guests.

  4. At least his fair lady has coconuts and not peach pits. 🙂

    My kids were fighting over who got the flannel sheets put on their bed this morning (yes, sheets were changed this morning, as they are every two weeks. Because I have a list, and it tells me to, and oooh, the anxiety of an unchecked box!). I told them that neither of them would: it’s getting hot, they would get plain cotton. Abel: “But Mom, I neeeeed them!” Me: “Abel, when I tuck you in at night, your room stinks like sweaty boys. Because you are sweaty boys!” Abel: “Mom, that smells good! And you can say we smell good like poo poo sweaty boys!” He is *such* a boy.

    Poor kids have three out of four sets of family genes with over-achieving perspiration abilities: Josephine’ll have to be a swimmer or tough enough to kick others in the shins if she is mocked.

    Word on the street is that Febreeze Fabric Freshener gets out all sorts of smells, like smoke from winter jackets that were worn to a club at night and then to church eight hours later. Just sayin’.

    1. Peach pits = much laughing. Oh, thank you for sharing the joy.

      And for the boy story. And especially for the “word on the street” re: winter jackets and places they’re worn. This is one of many reasons that my love for you is constant.

  5. I survived butt the other night…I will come back too! LOL~

    1. If you come back, I promise to keep Aden’s door closed! 😉

  6. Love the coconuts!!!! =)
    Ok Adens room, have you cleaned her carpet? I would really recommend going to the pet store and buying some Natures Miracle. This stuff will kill any smell. It’s also what we used to clean our carpets when we outprocessed from our base house. It will remove all proteins from the carpet. Proteins = smell! I use it a couple times a year on our carpets. Between the kids and the dogs it’s absolutely amazing how dirty they get. It could also be that I live on a 10 acre field ;)Hope that helps.

    1. Oh my gosh, Amy… Greg and I read this and were ready to run to the pet store immediately! So glad for the suggestion. I wonder if we can clean Aden’s mattress with it? ‘Cause, upon further investigation (a gross, gross process during which we stuck our noses on almost everything in her room), we’re pretty sure the mattress is a significant contributor.

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