Thanks to so many of you for completing last week’s survey!  I received a much larger response than I expected, and I’m grateful for every, single answer.

Although the survey is now closed, you can always post your comments or send them to me privately at fivekidsisalotofkids@gmail.com.

In case you’re curious, I’ve written up a few of the survey results below.

I wish I could’ve copied everything, but then you might sue me when your eyes bleed.  I, on the other hand, am a freak and enjoyed all the reading and analysis, for which I sincerely thank you.  (I like filling out forms, too.  See what I mean by freak?)

The results below are kind of long, mostly because I suck at brevity.  So if you’re short on time, scroll to the bottom and read the section titled “What else do you want me to know?” It’s worth the read because you all are HILARIOUS.

Gratefully,

Beth

Five Kids: The Survey Results

Why do you read Five Kids?

(with my comments in parentheses)

1. You capture the mom experience with all its pathos and humor!
2. Because you winked at me on Match.com pretending to be my future wife. (It’s true.  I did.  I went on Match disguised as my friend and winked at all the boys I liked.  It was fun!  And then they got married.  I am SUCH a good winker!  The end.)
3. I’m gleaning tips on how to be succinct from you. (Bahahaha!  You should probably reconsider.)
4. Don’t feel stalked, but I look for you at the library, the park, or even the dentist’s office. (As I told my friend, Leslie, I’ve never had a stalker I didn’t like.  I think that’s one of the advantages of being utterly unknown.  I’d look for you, too, except for that whole, silly anonymous survey thing.  You’ll have to talk to my original stalker, Kelleigh, though, if you ever want in on the stalking action.  She already called it.)
5. I greatly enjoy the tone of your posts, and the message that you constantly are putting forth, which I would describe as “Family, it’s why we’re here.”
6. I’m your dad… and Mom makes me. (Aw!  Thanks, Dad!)
7. Your blog makes me hear your voice in my head. (I hear my voice in my head, too.  Sometimes, it’s uncomfortable and weird.  You might want to have a medical professional check that out.)

What topics should I cover more?

Well, this was certainly an eye-opener.

Eighty-seven percent of you think I should post about whatever I want.  What a coincidence.  I LOVE posting about whatever I want!

The other 13% of you think I should post more about adoption, special needs, poo (oh, how I like you, poo person), my job, myself, my friends Jody and Heidi (hi, Jody and Heidi!), and especially marriage.

Greg, did you see that?  They want me to post more about you.  Hehehe.

Finally, one person wrote, “There are topics you’re NOT covering?”  Yes, Dad.  There are.  I can give you a list.  Hanky panky’s at the top.  You’re welcome.

On Ads and Giveaways

Advertisements:

1. 92% of you are OK with them or think I should’ve had them up long ago.
2. 1,000,000% of you hate pop-ups, banners, scrolling crap, and otherwise irritatingly intrusive advertising.  Hear, hear!
3. 0% of you click on them.  Yeah, I don’t either.

Giveaways:

Only 30% of you genuinely love giveaways and contests.  And most of the 30% said it’s not about the stuff.

I’m shocked.  Shocked, I tell you!  And thrilled that so many of you want to read for the sake of reading the blog.  I’m sending you all little heart icons right this second.

So then I thought about giveaways and contests and why I like hosting them.  My conclusion: ‘cause it’s like a little party on my blog!

When I do contest or giveaways, more of you comment and tell me your stories, which I love to infinity, because then I get to meet you and carry on conversations with you.

For entries, most of you wrote something like:

• Please don’t make me do anything other than comment!
• Please don’t make me do Facebook and Twitter for an extra entry. That’s crazy annoying.
• Please don’t give away my information.

To which I respond:

• OK.
• OK.
• Never!

What do I say or do that you just can’t stand?

One of you responded, “This is a dumb question.”

Ha!  I laughed and laughed.

Then I realized how true it was ‘cause the rest of you said, “If I couldn’t stand it, I wouldn’t read it.”  Um, oh yeah.

If there’s one thing you could change about the Five Kids blog, what would it be?

(with my comments in parentheses)

1. Recipe section. (Alright.  Here you go.  Toast, by Cai:  First, toast a piece of bread.  Then butter it.  Then slather ranch dressing on it.  Eat and enjoy.  Ta da!  Are you sure you want a recipe section?)
2. I don’t know if there are marital rules established so that funny adventures concerning Greg are off limits, but I find it fun to commiserate about the differences between moms and dads. (There’s another one, Greg.  There are lots like this.  How’re ya doing?  Hyperventilating yet?  Yeah.  I don’t blame you.)

What else do you want me to know?

This is the best question ever asked in a survey.  Ever.

Ever.

Because these are a few of the things you said (with my comments in parentheses) :

1. I don’t like to pee right after someone else. For instance, at work, I have a favorite stall. If the toilet has just been flushed when I go in, I won’t use it. I’m a mess in a public rest room. That’s probably not what you meant, huh?
2. I think I have a date for prom! (Yay!)
3. Tell your sister-in-law Kim hello for me. I went to college with you and she sent me a link to your blog a while back.  (“Hi, Kim!”  Done!  I love checking things off my To Do list that easily. Awesome!)
4. I have an almost 4 year old who only eats go-gurts and granola bars. (Hey, you!  You remember what else you said?  The survey anonymity is killing me.  Email me.  We’ll talk.)
5. It’s almost 10:00 and my 10 year old had a McDonald’s fudge sundae for dinner.  Yep.
6. When I was in high school my room smelled like cat pee and I couldn’t find the source until I found a paper bag under the bed that my cat had decided to use as a bathroom. It was such a relief to find the source!
7. You should get this published. (Yes, please.)
8. I dislike surveys. (How do you feel about ridiculously long survey results?)
9. My 13 month old son decided to eat one of his own poop nuggets. (Hey!  Remember the person who wanted more posts about poo?  This is serendipity!)

You’re going to have to give me a minute.  I’m laughing too hard to keep going.

What’s Next?

I’m working on the practical application of all I learned, and you’ll hear more in the days and weeks to come.

One thing I gleaned that I can implement soon is your request for a Frequently Asked Questions page.  It’s in process, and there’s a post coming soon which will answer one of your most pressing questions:

Hey, Beth.  You post a LOT of personal stories about your family.  Like the story about your mom’s butt scope procedure.  Is that OK with your family, or are you sometimes afraid they’re going to smother you in your sleep?

Have I mentioned how much you make me laugh?  SO much.

I’ll ask you again when I actually post about the FAQ, but please feel free  in the meantime to ask me (frequent) questions through comments or by emailing me at fivekidsisalotofkids@gmail.com.

In Conclusion: THANK YOU

The parts I left out of all of this… (here’s where my dad says, “You left stuff out?”)… were the amazingly kind and thoughtful comments you all left.

Frankly, you were all pretty useless in the “what can I improve” department; all compliments.

In fact, I can’t go outside anymore because my head is too big and people will point and stare.

Oh, heck.  If pointing and staring stopped me, I’d have been a shut-in way before now.

What I mean to say is…

THANKS!