Schmornings

Some people say I’m not a morning person.

I think that’s mean.

For example, my father says I’m not a morning person.

When I was a well-behaved, polite, considerate and thoughtful teenager living under my parents’ roof, my dad used to wake me in the morning.  He might say he drew the short stick, but I say that’s a gross misrepresentation of my joyful morning personality.

Also, my father used beat me.  Sure, it wasn’t with a belt or his fist or anything, but, really, being mentally tortured in the morning with a bouncy, happy, stuffed bear that romped over my covers is its own kind of grisly horror show.  Add to that the fact that my hardened Marine father used a wittle, cutesy, baby bear voice to say, “Wise and shine, Bethy Wethy.  It’s wake up time!”  And you can see where morning may be something of a difficult subject for me.

I think the first time my father heard me swear was in the morning at a bear.  But that’s neither here nor there.

My daughter says I’m not a morning person.  She believes that I’m incapable of speech before 7:30am.  Which is definitely not true.  I speak in full sentences in the morning.  Like “Wha?” And “Uh.” And “Hmm ah.”  It’s like learning a second language at home, which I believe is an invaluable and lifelong tool.  You’re welcome, kids.

And also, Greg says I’m not a morning person.

Geez.

I believe Greg’s exact quote was: “Whoever said ‘it doesn’t hurt to ask’ obviously hasn’t tried to talk to you in the morning.”  Which is a totally bizarre thing to say, since I’m pretty sure all I did was ask him politely to stop talking to me, go far, far away, and leave me alone to more thoroughly enjoy my drool puddle.  On pain of death.

Do you ever have those moments when everyone believes one thing and you believe another and you start to question your convictions?  Here’s some advice for moments like that: Shut. It. Down.

Sincerely,

The Fairy Princess of The Morning

P.S. This is the only child o’ mine who understands.

Thank you, baby.

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
15 comments
  1. I LOVE that picture of baby Aden. Too sweet. I am also NOT a morning person. In fact, when my one-year-old takes her mid morning nap, I like nothing better than crawling back in bed myself. Of course, I’m normally too busy for indulging…but not today! I love vacation. 🙂 Also, oddly enough, I only suffer from nap hangovers in the afternoon. So, yay, morning naps!

  2. I’m so not a morning person–I used to be, but I think life (age!) has beaten me down. I never really liked the RISE and SHINE thing…and my husband and I are more night people. He’s retired and I was a SAHM–so it works for us perfectly. Hey–we’re all different–vive la difference!

  3. Oh, I am right there with you on this one. Thankfully my dad was usually up and gone before I had to grace the house with my presence. Although I think I remember him “allowing” a friend of mine to douse me with ice water when she came to pick me up too early once….
    Both of my boys have inherited my sweet temperament on waking… from naps. First thing in the morning though they are ready to run. All over me, while I lay in a puddle on the floor.

    1. Love the ice water story! I have a BFF whose Dad did that to her… I think it may have been after she tried to kick her Mom for waking her, though. Definitely a schmorning friend.

      I’m with your boys on naps. I call it Nap Hangover… makes naps almost never worthwhile since it takes me a good 3 hours to recover from them.

  4. Ask Greg about his Mickey Mouse alarm clock that we gave him. (Micky Mouse voice, very loud) “GOOD MORNING! THIS IS MICKEY MOUSE! IT’S TIME TO GET UP! etc., etc., etc., etc.” We have your dad beat, (clock) hands down.

    1. Wow. If only my father had thought to use a Mickey Mouse clock. He could’ve cured me of my love of Disney *and* still gleefully tortured me. I’m so glad you didn’t know my parents back then, Judy… think of all the damage you could’ve done.

  5. Seriously-I don’t understand this post.
    I am SUCH a morning person that you probably should immediately block me from your site. If I don’t get it done by 11:00 A.M., it probably ain’t getting done, because I’m going to start winding down for the evening. O.K., that MAY be a slight exaggeration, but by 2 p.m. for sure.
    And I never use an alarm clock, don’t need one.

    1. Hehehe.

      Children have robbed me of being a night person. Way too tired. So, I’m pretty much only useful between 11am and 8pm. And Greg will tell you that 8pm is pushing it, too.

      I never use an alarm clock, either. That’s what children fighting in the morning are for, right?

  6. “This blog post brought to you by Wake-up Bear and the letter ‘F’.”

    1. I have no idea what you’re talking about.

  7. oohh – i loved that you used the phrase
    shut
    it
    down
    love it.

  8. I feel your pain, Beth. My mom used to blast The Syncopated Clock to wake me up in junior high and high school. If you are familiar with that peppy piece you understand the cruelty!! Then she would say things like, “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” DUH!

    1. so I found this, totally new to me, but I’m guessing when blasted in the early hours of morning, this could, would & should bring trauma upon anyone! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0pIXz2omZE&feature=related
      So what’s ‘syncopated’?
      ps: I’m not a morning person either and proud of it! (even my students know to leave me be as much as possible before 09.30 a.m. 😉

      1. Oh. My. Gosh.

        Totally new to me, too. (Thanks for linking, Carina.) Leanne, you deserve a medal for not wiping your mother from the face of the earth. Really. You do.

        Carina, I thought syncopated meant to bring into alignment or onto the beat. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. It actually means to emphasize the weak beat. So instead of “BOOM chi BOOM chi BOOM chi BOOM chi,” a syncopated rhythm is “boom CHI boom CHI boom CHI boom CHI.” I think.

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