A Series of Facts Unrelated to Weight Gain

My annual medical exam was something of a disappointment because, you see, I have no fibroid tumors or other fantastic growths on which to blame my 10-pound weight gain.  I made my doctor do an extra pelvic pass just to be sure, and then I double and triple checked.

“No tumors?”

“No.  No tumors.”

“How about one tumor?”

“Nope.  Not even one tumor.”

“How about a teeny, tiny… none?  You’re sure?”

“Pretty sure.”

“Well, dang it.”

In fact, I just received my blood results, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me other than the massive Vitamin D deficiency that’s turning all of us Pacific Northwesterners into sparkly vampires. The lab technicians didn’t even have the courtesy to manufacture a slight dip in my thyroid.  (Note to self: acquire more lab technicians as friends.)

If I’m not very, very careful, I’m going to have to blame some kind of crazy combination of overeating and not exercising for the weight. (I know. The horror! I should’ve posted this on Halloween.)

I meandered through old family photos tonight, and I found a few pictures of my twins raiding the pantry.

Do you ever have moments when you look at your children and think Oh dear Heavens… that’s ME!

Right.  (Ahem.)  Of course not.

Me, neither.

In unrelated news, I signed up for Weight Watchers again tonight.

No particular reason.

No reason at all.


ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
  1. Those babies are so cute raiding the cupboards! It’s hormones I tell you, those silly pounds. Of course who am I to say, when exercise is a struggle all my life. Love you and all you have created in family. You’re doing good stuff.

    1. Maybe I can still blame the baby weight 5 years later? Even if I’m below my prepregnancy weight? 😉

  2. WW is a great support group. And heavens knows we all need some more of that…support, that is…especially those of us that have a bit extra that we are carrying around in preparation of the Zombie Apocalypse where we might have to live on our fat stores so we can give food rations to our always starving children. Just sayin’


    1. Bahaha! You nailed it, Devi!

      I’ve been eating… for the children. That’s me – always thinking of them and ways to survive the apocalypse.

      Next time I want an extra big piece of chocolate cake, you’re at the top of my list of justifiers to call. 😉

  3. Glad about the no tumors thing! Yay, you’re healthy! I had a big aha once when I stopped feeling guilty about what I ate…it was liberating and slimming all at the same time. I eat chocolate every day and relish it. Enjoy your health and I’m sure you’ll meet some cool chicks at WW. 🙂

    1. Hehe! Yep! Healthy girl. Healthy appetite. 😉

      Weight Watchers has been a great investment (for years!) in learning how to do exactly what you mentioned – eat guilt free and enjoy it! I’m glad for great resources for busy mamas, for sure.

  4. ha! You’re so funny! Wanna drive up my way and go to WW with me? 😉

  5. I’m sure you just wanted a reason to be out of the house with grown ups…. Me, I go to Pampered Chef parties to do that. They feed you.

    1. Mmm! I love Pampered Chef parties!

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