If At First You Don’t Succeed: a special video presentation

I made you a video.

It’s based on a true story. And on perseverance.

I finished it while sitting at the Newark, New Jersey airport which is the very best place to edit a sex video, I think.

Greg made me use headphones while I worked on it. Greg has good manners. Thank you, Greg. I’m pretty sure that Walter, the refined, elderly gentlemen sitting across from us with his brown leather tasseled loafers who forgot to take off his Yacht Club nametag would be grateful if he knew. You’re welcome, Walter. 

And so, without further ado, I present to you:

If At First You Don’t Succeed:
a Five Kids Is A Lot Of Kids original video production



P.S. Did you know that the first two definitions of intercourse are “communication between persons” or “exchange of thoughts or feelings”?

P.P.S. All I’m saying is, sometimes we have to redefine success.


ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
  1. I, too, dislike vomiting and diarrhea with inter-course.

  2. […] when I write, I share the marital funny with […]

  3. LOL i had missed this one, this just made my day!!!!! lol lol lol

  4. […] Other immature videos by me are this one about sex and this one about teaching kids to […]

  5. I have an appetite for love ’cause me so horny.
    Oh, so horny….Ohh, so, so horny….Oh, so horny.
    Me love you long time
    Oh, so horny….Oh, so, so horny….Oh, so horny.
    Me love you long time….
    I had to share this cause you and 2 live Crew are now on the same level of edgy eroticism in my book….but you’re just a little more authentic…

  6. You have tremendous willpower not to share this with Walter. You know you wanted to. I am not sure I could have resisted. LOVE it!

  7. When our daughter and son were young they frequently attacked each other with the ferocity of juvenile chimpanzees from opposing clans – obviously intent on inflicting grievous bodily harm. Their mother (the grandmother now known as “Nana”) propagandized them with Joseph Goebbels’ fervor, “Someday you will grow up to be best friends.” Imagine our pride in the fulfillment of that prophesy. Today the siblings are such good friends that they collaborate in the production of a sex video.

  8. Oh my gosh! This made my day! All of our kids are out of the house now but we’ve had these conversations many times. hahahaha! Thanks for the giggle!

  9. […] nice to me in ways I don’t earn (and also probably a little bit because I offer him seven fabulous minutes every now and […]

  10. I LOVE THIS! Too funny for words! Plus, really, haven’t all parents had some version of this conversation? I like the “Disney movie as a babysitter” technique myself (bonus if you crank the volume up a bit).

  11. I can just imagine you sitting there in the airport making this, cracking up and trying to keep your voice down so Walter wouldn’t hear you. LOLOL Too funny Beth.

  12. Okay, first let me say that I share many of your posts with my sixth grader…this will not be one of them. Luckily, I donned my headphones on and listened and then began laughing so hard tears were coming down and I, too, began snorting. Luckily, no fluids like hot coffee were involved!!

    Thank you so much for bringing us genuineness and humor into our lives. May you and your husband have good and rich conversations one with another this week!

  13. Bwahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

  14. They wasted 2.5 of their 7 minutes with discussion!

  15. Darn it! The video wouldn’t play on my Kindle, and I have no sound here at work. I think I get the idea, though!
    Here’s hoping you and Greg get lots of “communication between persons” and “exchange of thoughts or feelings.”
    Have fun!

  16. You’re hilarious. I’m sending the link to my husband. Also, I’m putting you on my blogroll. Have a great week.

  17. Hilarious! Sitting at Chapters–luckily with earphones–but cracking up quietly which means “snorting hot coffee out the nose while sitting alone surrounded by people in a public place.” This made my day. Enjoy your kid-free one! Yay! We get a similar getaway next week!!!

  18. Cracked me up in my office this morning — thanks for the warning to use earphones. LOVED it.

  19. Hahaha, Beth!!! This vid can be a “marital-relations-meter”… If this exchange happpens more than twice without scoring success, the doctor will prescribe umpteen people to take care off the children-flock with strict “do not call” orders, and a long weekend or midweek getaway, or at least an overnight in a clean motel with clean sheets. The side effect could however be that the children-flock would increase. Lol

  20. Played this for your five year old twins tonight and they just didn’t get it. I told them their Mommy would explain when she gets back.

    Just sign me One of the Eleven. Or is it ten now?

    1. Just wondering – are you still “one of the eleven”?

      This really made my day!

  21. LOVED This! Don and I have had this exact conversation, but was thwarted by the dog! By the time I let the dog out, waited for him to do his thing, then let him back in and got back into bed, Don was fast asleep. I truly think this is how God tells us we have enough kids. Which really makes me wonder if God cares about good marital relations? 🙂

    Have a great time away!

  22. Thanks for the chuckle! Now that our kids are older, we like it when they are all GONE at the same time – they stay up way too late. 🙂

    Enjoy your time away.

  23. Hahahaha! Hilarious, especially the way in which the husband pronounces “interCOURSE”. Funny funny funny. Hope you had a wonderful time away!

  24. I no longer claim you as a friend after watching this, but I will continue to take good care of your child while you’re gone.

    1. And also. I love you and I’m just kidding. But you knew that. And I can just imagine how much you cracked yourself up making that movie with your little headphones on in the airport. 😉

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