Shooting Ducks

You know how life is like shooting fish in a barrel? Like, it’s so easy you feel downright guilty?

Yeah. Me, neither.

Life is more like shooting ducks.

Really, really fast ducks with short attention spans, a penchant to dart rapidly in random directions, and bullet repellent.

And then, when you shoot ’em dead and think you’re done knocking ’em down so you can get on to the more important parts of life, the ducks rise again like Lazarus.

Apocalyptic zombie ducks with ragged clothing and limps that are coming for us.

RUN!

As my friend recently said,

You know what we need?
We need more compliant ducks.

And I say, Amen.

……….

So… that about sums up the way my week’s been.

What about you? (Type your response quietly so the ducks don’t hear you.)

……….

P.S. No ducks were harmed in the writing of this post.

P.P.S. Unless you consider the glorification of duck-shooting “harm” since it desensitizes the culture at large to the plight of zombie ducks.

P.P.P.S. I had a duck egg for breakfast. Just thought you should know. Full disclosure and all that.

P.P.P.S. I plan to write and (finally!) respond to comments this weekend. But THANK YOU for keeping the lines of communication open. I love you for it. I do.

……….

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
10 comments
  1. Thanks for this–I can so relate!
    Duck hunters of the world, unite!
    ~Sharon

  2. LOVE these comments, y’all! So glad to know I’m not alone with my misfiring gun and plethora of ducks who won’t stay down. Hehe.

    xoxo,
    B

  3. It’s like a sign I once saw: Raising children is like being pecked to death by ducks! My ducks have fangs and a maniacal laugh. I’m enjoying your blog!

  4. Ha. You forgot that the gun has all these buttons with functions that DON’T fire the gun, but do things like throw egg on your face or cause your foot to shoot directly into your mouth.

    At least that’s what happened with my duck shoot this week. Here’s to hoping for a better next week!

    Sending love and positivity your way – and a simpler gun.
    =D

  5. Thomeone told me I sshhould get over here right away, on accounta thomeone wath inthiting to violenth.

    QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!

    I hope I wathn’t too harsshh. I know it wath jutht a metaphor.

    Rockthanne
    The Good Luck Duck

    1. Whoopth!

      For the record, I’ll never shoot a Good Luck Duck! (So glad someone pointed you here… too funny!)

  6. I LOVE the way you tagged this post!

    I think, yup, duck hunting would be easier, so yeah, they must be zombie ducks…. So therefore you not having a brain? Yeah, that’s a good thing.

    And your PPSs are so PORTLAND. lol

    1. and PPPPS. Google ads put up a duck hunt game and searches for duck hunting related info, so maybe someone looking for duck hunting info will see an ad for your blog and start reading it…

  7. My ducks are preparing to strike next week. My daughter’s first birthday party is next weekend, and her birthday is the week after. The craziness is slowly getting started, but luckily I kicked some Duck Hunt butt back in the day. Bring it!

  8. Oh Beth. Thanks for being there to remind me that I am not the only one duck hunting with limited and mixed results. I figure as long as no one’s cooking my eggs, I am ok.
    I had to work late to help out with a deadline and come home to my picturesque house, four angelic children NONE of whom had homework to do, and non-hungry relaxed hubby. The laundry did itself and shopping with perfectly well-behaved kids was a relaxing experience and I did not forget anything. In short, I almost don’t deserve the fun-filled relaxing family beach trip we have planned for this weekend. But since we should be seeing way more seagulls than ducks, it should be awesome, right?

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