Dear Santa, About My Stocking…

Dearest Santa,

I know you’ve had trouble in the past filling my stocking, and I want you to know I don’t blame you. Really, I don’t, and I almost completely mean that.

See, I know our communication isn’t always the best; it tends to be focused on the children, and I poo-poo you when you ask what I want, leaving you confused and wary, suspicious that I might not mean the “nothing” or the “oh, whatever” I tell you to purchase but without a clear path forward.

I confess, in my heart I expected you to just know what to do, even though my head loudly protested the unfairness of it all. Also, I wanted to selflessly not care.

Unfortunately, I failed, and, as a result, I haven’t made this easy on you. Except the years that I filled my own stocking, of course. I mean, that did make it pretty easy on you if I do say so myself. But then my subsequent not-so-subtle grumbling wasn’t really in keeping with the season, and that one’s on me, big guy. I’ll own my part.

This year, I want to clear the air and try again.

I want to somehow find the middle ground between good communication and maintaining a little bit of mystery.

A little balance between an empty stocking and one I fill myself.

A little compromise between the heart and the mind.

And I’ve stumbled upon a way to make it happen. A meeting of the heart and mind. I call it GUIDANCE.

What do you say, Santa? Are you in? You might be interested in a teeny, tiny bit of guidance, yes?

Guidance is good, right? Guidance is helpful! Of course, Greg insists on pronouncing it “guy dense,” but I think that’s a little much, don’t you? (Be nice, Greg. Santa’s trying.)

So. With GUIDANCE in mind, I worked with some friends to compile this list of inexpensive ideas. Options for you to consider. Ways you can’t go wrong. Little things from which to pick and choose to make your season bright. Because I care.

Stocking Ideas for Her:
a list that may save your bacon

    • An orange in the toe — it’s traditional, it’s sweet, and it takes up a hunk of space. That’s a win/win/win which everyone knows is 50% better than a win/win.
    • Chocolate — as my friends say, “Dove or above,” please, although I’m not opposed to Hershey’s kisses if you’re feeling flirty
    • A contribution made in my name to my favorite charity
    • A homemade gift certificate for 3 hours of You’ll-Take-the-Children-Away so I can have an obnoxiously long bath — if you’re feeling generous, include fancy soap or bath bubbles or a giant bottle of wine
    • A magazine — Real Simple, Cooking Light, People
    • Something from a friend who sells stuff — think small kitchen gadget from Pampered Chef or lip gloss from Mary Kay or fancy hair clips from Etsy or jewelry from a bazaar. Ask any of my girlfriends for help. They’ll know where to send you. They may even have you hand over the $ and shop for you.
    • Nail polish
    • Lotion, moisturizer, lip goo
    • Small gift certificates – coffee, Amazon, Etsy, etc.
    • Funny, funky, fluffy, ridiculous socks
    • A pair of giant googly eyes I can use to freak out the family. You know, something that screams “I’m watching you… alwaaaays watching” from inside the candy basket.

Also? Merry Christmas, Santa. You’re the best.



photo courtesy of zirconicusso at

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12 responses to “Dear Santa, About My Stocking…”

  1. I’m going to have to copy and paste this, and somehow disable the permalink so “Santa” won’t see my snarky comment!

  2. Excellent ideas! So I think Greg should guest-post about what Santa should put in HIS stocking! Y’know, for the techy-outdoorsy-sorta-guy who buys his own random gadgets and doesn’t really feel won over by “Dove or above” chocolate. (And nail polish…not so much! =)

  3. Wow! Your list sounds eerily like the contents of my dream stocking. Also, a lot like the stockings of my family members *cough* Oranges, magazines, chocolate, lip gloss, lotion, small gadgets…all items my family can look forward too. And more. My stocking? Meh.

    • I will!

      Santa baby, my stocking’s overflowing with… air. Just air.
      This year, please show some care.
      Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

      Santa baby, I’ll take an orange first in the toe, for show.
      It will take up plenty of space.
      Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

      Think of all the kids I’ve raised!
      Think of how they wake up breathing – every day!
      Next year I’ll do it all again
      I promise you will be amazed.
      Boo doo bee doo

      Santa honey, if you’re feeling wonderfully kind, I’ll find
      A donation to Medical Teams
      Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

      Santa cutie, if you only want to give what I need, it’s agreed
      Gourmet chocolate will do.
      Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

      Santa baby, I’d really like my sanity back. Bar that,
      Take the kids for a day.
      Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

      Come and teach my kids to see
      That blue and silver’s not as good as red and green.
      I really do believe in you.
      Let’s see if you believe in me.
      Boo doo bee doo.

      Santa baby, forgot to mention gift cards and socks… and eyes.
      I’d even take a surprise.
      Santa baby, just hurry down the chimney tonight.

      (Okay, so I didn’t quite get everything, and I like some verses better than others, but it’s the work of 15 minutes or so…)

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