In a few hours, we’re going to meet people we don’t know who’ve generously offered to let us stay in their home in Guatemala. I’m bringing vomit-laced clothes as a thank you gift because thank you gifts are important if you ever want to be invited back.
It’s good to make trips memorable, though, right? Otherwise, what’s the point? And taking a 10-year-old kiddo back to visit her birth country for the first time since her adoption at a year old? Well. THAT I want to make extra memorable. Yes, I do.
Which is why I politely puked my guts all over the entire First Class section where we were pleasantly shocked to find ourselves sitting what with purchasing economy tickets and all. Fortunately, the Grand Hurling Event occurred at 1:00am when everyone was asleep and we were somewhere over Kansas so no one cared. (No offense, Kansas. It’s not you; it’s me.)
I don’t think I can describe the vomit sitch exactly. I mean, of course I’m going to TRY ’cause I’m still a little ralphy and this is distracting. Long story short, I wasn’t feeling so hot. Next, I filled a “motion discomfort” bag. Then the bottom of the bag BROKE OPEN, you guys. Broke. All the way. Open. So let’s just say at one point I was using my hand to bail puke from my lap into a garbage bag lest the whole ship go down.
Lots of paper towels and fun opportunities to see myself in my bra & panties in the airplane bathroom later, our plane landed.
I threw my pants away in Miami.
(Sorry, Miami. See note to Kansas.)
Here we sit, waiting to board our plane for Guatemala as I type this on the phone.
I didn’t drink on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day, and I’ve decided I don’t have the flu. I simply can’t have the flu on Day One of my kid’s birth country trip. So out of necessity this is food poisoning or a random act of motion sickness. Do we have our stories straight? Excellent. Then let’s carry on.
Off we go! Laughing all the way, friends. Laughing all the way.