I caught myself muttering in the bathroom the other night as I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed the toilet with sadly limited results.

This toilet brush doesn’t work for crap, I mumbled. Which was true and also true.

My toilet needed help. Medication. A special forces team. Euthanasia. Something. Because the toilet brush + gritty cleaning product + pumice stone can only do so much, apparently. And by “only so much” I mean “not close to enough.”

Thanks to the pencil sketch feature in my photo editing software, I’ll show you exactly what I mean without, I hope, grossing either of us out. I still want to be able to make eye contact with you at the grocery store, after all.

For the first time ever on the world wide web, I’d like to introduce you to my toilet, post-scrubbing, complete with water rings and bottom build-up and a hefty dose of ew.

This will either make you feel not so alone or vastly superior, so I figure it’s a win/win. If you just ran gagging from the screen, though, I offer my sincere apologies.

BUT CHECK THIS OUT!

Same toilet, friends! After 15 minutes of quality time with a piece of drywall screen.

Thanks to my friend, Jenn, who dropped this tip at book club the other night, my toilet has a new lease on life.

As for me, I’d like to be put in charge of marketing this miracle product. My campaign will go like this:

Drywall Screen: It Works for Crap

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P.S. As Greg likes to point out, drywall screen is just heavy-duty sandpaper minus the paper so it doesn’t get soggy in water, and using sandpaper on porcelain means scratching can occur. I figure we have two options, and we already tried the first, which is protecting the porcelain under layers of gross. Risking a scratched bowl? A worthy alternative, in my opinion. But use at your own risk, K? K.

P.P.S. If you have other unusual, magical cleaning tips, please share! 

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UPDATE:

I’m not saying I never clean the toilet. I’m just saying my son thought it was an occasion worthy of a homemade card.

Also, my expression while cleaning the toilet? He nailed it.

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