Kids Pooped in My Front Yard and I’m on a Podcast


True story from our weekend.


Some kids pooped in my front yard.

My kids.

The End


That’s not really the end.


Some kids pooped in my front yard.

My kids.

They used toilet paper to wipe.

The End


“Hasn’t this happened before?” you ask.

Fine. Yes, it has.


The wiping is new, though. 



Greg rescued the toilet paper from the yard, I interrogated the suspects, and we found one out of a reported two poops.

No sign of the second one despite ongoing sweeps of the area.

You know what this means?

The Easter egg hunt just got real.

The End


In other news, non-poop-related, I’m thrilled to introduce you to the Dadsaster dads, Mark Staufer and Bryan Erwin, who invited me to participate in the 3rd installment of their new podcast series about dads. (Psst… their 2nd podcast included one of my favorite comedians, Frank Caliendo. One degree of separation, baby!)


Each week Dads Mark Staufer and Bryan Erwin discuss the gnarliest challenges of fatherhood in an honest and comedic way with celebrity guest dads and tips, workarounds and examples from their own family-life.

You know, there are a lot of dads who read over here, and a lot of folks without kids, too, and you’ve taught me a critical lesson over time, which is this: anytime we are honest out loud — any time we are imperfect and beautiful and messed up and ridiculous and broken and mended — we are describing the human condition. Not the mommy condition. Or the parenting condition. Just the human condition. With all it’s gory and glory mixed up together. And, yes, momming gives me lots of opportunities to be imperfect, and momming is my primary medium for art, but you all understood the bigger picture way before I did… that this is about all of us.

And that’s exactly what Mark and Bryan understand. That this is about all of us. Their show is funny first and dad-centric, and then it’s a sneak attack of smart, witty and endearing. They walk the fine line that balances awesome humor, telling the truth and treating people’s stories well. I like them. And I loved doing this show.

Big thank you to Mark and Bryan for the invitation, and I hope you all enjoy the show!

Click here for the podcast, where you’ll see options for free iTunes and mp3 downloads. They introduce me around minute 36, and I’m on around minute 39, but listen to the entire show. It’s rad.

P.S. There’s a point where I mention that God’s a jerk. No lightening bolt yet, so I think the Big Guy can take a joke, but you might want to steer clear of my house for a little bit, just to be safe.


 Toilet Roll image credit to winnond via

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13 responses to “Kids Pooped in My Front Yard and I’m on a Podcast”

  1. We listened to the podcast last night: it was very entertaining, and you were great. I noticed they never got you around to the main topic ( jealousy). And you came off as you–and that’s harder sometimes than people realize. Some people get uptight & self-concious.

    Regarding the poop culprits: At the very first mention, I was sure the perps were male. I’ve known women who’ve climbed mountains and hiked the Appalachian trail, yet I’ve still never met a woman of any age who wouldn’t rather go indoors if a choice was available. As a man, I can admit that we will pee outdoors because its easy and convenient and we can. But that ain’t true for poop. I just know a guy would be much more likely to do it much than a woman.

  2. Loved listening to you talk – great interview! And laughing my head off re the poop. Fertiliser: that’s what it is. Fertiliser. Do you have pot plants out front, and could the poopetrators be encouraged to shovel and bury?

  3. Doesn’t that just make you wonder what was going through their head? Like … did they all get together and say “K, let’s see how crazy we can make mom today. What could we do? I know! You — go poop in the yard.”

    • I haven’t reached this stage yet, but if I do, I think some of my friends will laugh and the cycles just continues. And yes, I have the same thought as well.

      And this is funny: “The Easter egg hunt just got real” 🙂

      Despite, wishing all is well to you!

  4. I’d say God has a sense of humor. Rather than a lightening bolt, KIDS ARE POOPING IN YOUR FRONT YARD! If that’s not poetic justice, what is?

  5. There’s something in the air… My son peed on the front walk. Despite it taking him 2.5 hours to clean it, he still peed in the back yard the next day. I would probably resign from parenting if he pooped outside.

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