Vomit Lift-Off

We went from “I feel sick” to Vomit Lift-Off in 1.5 hours today. I consider this a victory.

I mean, it’s not a family record or anything. We’ve had middle-of-the-night and out-of-a-dead-sleep yarfing episodes that carry a zero-to-TAKE-COVER rating, so there’s no real competition left there. It’s just, I don’t know, when there’s a kid who’s sort of generally blah without any other overt symptoms and I have to make The Call — send him to school or keep him home — it sometimes takes a while before I get any real feedback.

ID-10043649It’s like being a NASA project manager at every launch ever. You know the launch is coming. You trained for this. You’ve done it before. You’re following protocol. Marking the check-list. The engines are on. All signs are go. The ground is shuddering. The crowds are enraptured. But you don’t know until the very last second if this one’s gonna take off… or fizzle.

This can go on for hours. Sometimes for days. And it’s nerve-wracking. For the project manager and for the poor little guy stuck in the ship.

This time, though? Sometimes it all comes together, friends. The timing. The boy. The bucket. Like a well-oiled machine. Lift-off. Vomit Victory, baby!

……….

P.S. If you’d have told me at the beginning of the mama game that one day I’d consider this kind of day a victory, I’d’ve cried at my future patheticness. This is why they don’t let us have crystal balls, people. It’s for our own good.

……….

P.P.S. The boy that shaved his head is the same boy who has raging poison oak is the same boy who barfed so successfully this morning. Now, he has access to unlimited Popsicles which makes the entire week, in his words, “TOTALLY WORTH IT, MOM.”

photo (57)

And that’s exactly the kind of perspective he’s gonna need to be an awesome, if somewhat delusional, parent some day.

Amen.

……….

Rocket Launcher image by digitalart via freedigitalphotos.net

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
11 comments
  1. I have been really lucky on this front with my daughter she has vomited only a handful of times, she’s 4, but don’t worry she made up for it with the 2 year potty training war. But the few times she has vomited I, thinking I was doing the smart thing. came running every time with “the bucket” you know that pink one from the hospital that I never bothered to throw away when bringing her home as a newborn. My childs now convinced that “the bucket” is the source of her sickness so whenever I bring it I usually manage to catch just enough so when she throws it across the room it makes a vomit rainbow . Other buckets get the same treatment because I seem to convince myself that she believed my explanations the last time. Nope. Vomit rainbow EVERY time.

  2. I read this post and felt thankful that nobody else in my house was throwing up (my 7 year old did on Monday and Tuesday in the bathroom and without a mess, God bless him!) it wasn’t long after I heard a familliar splattering sound on the kitchen floor…. ‘Brandon, did you just throw up?’
    A tearful yeah from my 3 year old, and I hurried to grab one of the buckets we picked up from the dollar section at Target as the next round began. I knew there was a reason I bought those.
    Brandon wants a blue bucket lined with a grocery bag to throw up in. Here you go baby, stay in bed, sleep or watch movies, use the bucket…
    Yay, vomit.

  3. You know you’re a mom when you can read the title and go right ahead and read the content without even blinking an eye, while eating your lunch.
    Forgive me if I’ve told this before:
    Our oldest child had fairly severe asthma, and whenever we went to a diner when she was between 6 months and 2 years old she would start coughing, then choke-coughing, and eventually usually vomit. It used to be kind of a game to see if she would vomit before we got our food, or in the middle of the meal. I imagine this speaks volume about the air quality in the diners we frequented, but I have to say, we usually didn’t go to the same place twice. At least not with child in tow.

  4. I consider my kid hitting the bucket a victory. I call him the stealth vomiter because he doesn’t necessarily tell us when he’s barfed. More than once I’ve discovered a puddle of vomit by stepping into it. With my bare feet.

    http://bluefield5.blogspot.com/2013/03/stealth-vomit.html

    1. That was a good read, Tera. Totally gross. Loved it. 😀

  5. Girl, I celebrate with you. Three weeks ago, my three year old did the “walking vomit.” You know, the one where you tell them to stand still, but they just walk across the room puking instead. Major destruction. I hope your little one is feeling better. And prayers that no one else gets it!

    PS…The title of this post made my whole week. I’m still laughing.

    1. Oh, the walking vomit! I know that one, and I’m laughing and EWing at the same time. Bahahaha! Ew. And thanks for so completely understanding.

  6. I almost didn’t read this post because, you know. But glad I did. Love the picture of your kid, the bald head, and the sense that somehow popsicles are worth a barf or two. Can’t think of anything myself that would be worth barfing, so I love his optimism.

    1. WOW, Melanie! With vomit right there in the title? You get the award for stepping way (way) outside your comfort zone. And you’re right… I think we’d all be a lot more joyful if we could somehow capture our kids’ adoration of frozen sugar and its worthiness to be pursued at all costs.

  7. I love being an “awesome delusional parent.” I hope that means I am some what good at it too. Thanks for sharing your awesome views on life 🙂

    1. All of parenting requires awesome and delusional mixed generously together. Totally.

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