My kids found stale pancakes in the freezer today and yelled, “JACKPOT!” This tells you in one word how attentive I’ve been to cooking lately. I have lots and lots of excuses. Want to hear them? They go like this:
1. It’s so hot! Turning on the oven would be a HUGE mistake.
2. It’s important — critical, really — that kids learn self-sufficiency and life skills. Like how to forage for food. Good for me for giving them this opportunity.
OK, fine. Two excuses. But that’s, like, twice as many as one excuse. 100% more excuses!
The truth is, after running them to swim lessons and dance classes and doctors’ appointments and play dates and youth groups and parties and barbecues and overnights and, you know, remembering all of the things I have to remember, I don’t have any energy left to invent food plans beyond this one: There is food in our house. Eat some.
This is probably when I should feel bad about myself as a mom. I mean, isn’t feeding our children one of the things we do? And isn’t how well we do it one of the ways we define our self-worth?
Yeah, well. Screw that. (<– How I feel about Should in a nutshell.)
In honor of that profound statement, I’ve decided today is the day we’re going to play You’re Not a Bad Mom If.
I’ll go first.
You Are Not a Bad Mom If
1. You are not a bad mom if you didn’t make dinner. All month.
2. You are not a bad mom if you detest kid crafts and keep accidentally losing the Playdoh. In the trash.
3. You are not a bad mom if you don’t remember when your kids last bathed. Everyone knows that summer sunshine and stagnant kiddie pool water kills whatever germs get through the protective layer of dirt.
4. You are not a bad mom if your kid has a store-bought birthday cake. Or a homemade birthday cake that looks like homemade birthday cakes looked in 1976; baked in a casserole dish with fake frosting from a tub and partially used candles from the back of the silverware drawer.
5. You are not a bad mom if your kids find and eat stuff off the floor. Or if you do. In fact, this is no longer called Finding and Eating Stuff off the Floor. Now it is called Search and Rescue. And if the food is chocolate, you’re a downright hero.
OK. Your turn! What can you add to the list?
You are not a bad mom if…
(You can also play You Are Not a Bad Dad If or You Are Not a Bad Person If. This game is open to all comers.)