I wrote to you on the 5 Kids Facebook page last night because I needed to confess, and we all know Facebook is the very best place for purging one’s soul.
Here’s what I said:
I need to confess right now that I have been extraordinarily unreasonable lately. For example:
- I asked a middle schooler to take a shower even though, ‘GEEZ, MOM.’
- I asked a sister to open a garage door for her brother even though, ‘THAT IS STUPID AND NOT FAIR AND I HATE EVERYONE.’
- I asked small children to put away ALL the pieces of the Legos even though stiff bodies and laying prostrate on the ground and wailing and gnashing of teeth and, ‘But we can’t do ALL of it; it is TOO HARD.’
I know. I know. I SUCK.
Please feel free to confess your own failures in the comments section below. I’ll try not to judge you for ruining your family’s lives.
And then YOU DID. You did confess, and you also OBVIOUSLY did ruin your family’s lives.
As a result – and a way to honor the victims of our collective MADNESS – I present to you:
25 Totally ROTTEN (Horrific! Untenable!) Things Parents Have Confessed to Doing
Which Are RUINING Their Children’s Lives
- “I asked my son to stop spitting his chewed up carrots in random corners of the house.” Mariah
- “I told my son he may not take a bubble bath with the dog.” April
- “I had the nerve to ask – expect, even – my son to both eat protein and drink water in the same day. He rightfully retaliated by yelling, ‘You only care about what I need! Not what I want!’” Stephanie
- “I asked my daughter to flush the toilet.” Nikki
- “I ruthlessly tore a bagel in half (like an animal!) so when my 20 month old inevitably fed it to the dog or dropped it on the floor (same diff), he’d still have half to eat. Feverishly trying to paste it back together with cream cheese was no way to make amends! It was an insult to his intelligence and I am ashamed for even trying.” Megan
- “I made my children brush their teeth even though ‘You make us do this TWICE a day; it’s soooo unfair!” Susan
- “I make my 14 year old wear shoes in public and go to bed at 10 pm EVERY school night.” Jocelyne
- “I asked my offspring, ‘Wouldn’t it be a good idea to study for finals?’ who responded with “Why do you HATE ME? Why can’t you understand what is IMPORTANT in my life?” Grace
- “I cook gross food for dinner… every night.” Diana
- “I gave my son a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich even though I should have known he wanted PEANUT BUTTER AND PEEEEEEACH.” Molly
- “I asked my daughter to go pee when she need to instead of playing longer and getting wet. My priorities are wrong.” Jennifer
- “I told my 10 year old she HAD TO eat one spoonful of vegetables before she could have ice cream even though “all vegetables are TERRIBLE and HORRIBLE and WILL MAKE ME THROW UP!” Sheila
- “I expect my teens to take a shower at least every other day. I’m too demanding.” Ruby
- My child will be calling Child Protective Services and suing for $20,000 cash because I threw out a gnarly toothbrush and replaced it with a fresh, new one, which is clearly child abuse. Jamie
- “I suggested my son put his coat in the car just in case we broke down and needed to walk EVEN THOUGH HE’S NEVER COLD, and our stupid car is old, and I’m not him I don’t know his body temperature, and we probably won’t break down anyway, and I’m a freakin’ jerk.” Anne
- “I made my 5 year old put on ALL of her clothes before going to school today.” Shawndy
- “I made my child tell her teacher (all by herself) that she forgot her homework at school over the weekend and that was why her project was not finished. Then I made same child finish her book report.” Leann
- “I asked my 3 year old grandson to stop biting his sister EVEN THOUGH she kept taking his toy car.” Janet
- “I made my 15 year old shovel snow even though it will just snow again.” Sonja
- “I fed him his favorite foods for lunch.” Katie
- “I made my 12 year old hang her own washing even though it nearly killed her.” Simone
- “I dared to ask the last child out of the minivan to push the button to close the door.” That child ALWAYS has to do EVERYTHING. Kimberly
- “I made my 3 year old go to bed even though ‘I’M NOT TIRED YET’ and ‘I ALREADY WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT.’” Rachel
- “I ‘force’ my boys to do all their chores or they won’t earn full allowance.” Kristen
- “I simply exist.” Elaine
In conclusion, we are all clearly HORRIBLE people out to irrevocably wreck the lives of small people around us. And we should be ashamed.
I invited the 5 Kids Blog advertisers (see the column to your right) to join me for 7 (or more!) days of giveaways. CHECK BACK for a NEW GIVEAWAY EVERY DAY.
Now, obviously, we’re not REALLY ruining anyone’s lives, parents. Not, you know, really really. Just sort of the “Of COURSE You’re Going to Need Therapy Someday” kind of ruining people’s lives, you know? BUT I’m aware, as I’m sure you are, that there are people in our world who are truly, actually (really, really) struggling to make ends meet and provide for their kids. That’s why I’m ecstatic today to introduce you to today’s giveaway from Dignity Regained.
Dignity Regained is an online store that exists to bring attention to the Fair Trade movement and the positive effect it has on the fight against human trafficking. All products at their site are made using Fair Trade standards, giving artisans around the world fair wages, a safe and clean working environment, financial and technical support, and developing more direct relationships between consumers and products. Buying Fair Trade empowers women and vulnerable people, provides sustainability to small businesses and families, opens doors for education, and offers a bright future.
Today, Dignity Regained is giving away a Red Wrap Bracelet made by the Ana Art Group in Old Delhi from thick cotton bands with metal beads. 20″ long with two closure options, it’s fair trade and handmade, offering sustainability, hope, purpose and dignity.
Dignity Regained ALSO offers a discount to YOU, the 5 Kids Blog readers! Save 15% using the FIVEKIDS code at checkout.
This giveaway is now closed. Congratulations to Sheri Gingrich, winner of the Red Wrap Bracelet!
TO ENTER: Leave a comment on this blog post by 11:59pm (Pacific Time) on Friday, December 20th. One entry per person, please. A winner will be selected using a random number generator and posted on Saturday. This giveaway is open to international participants. International shipping provided by me.
Note: The 5 Kids Blog advertisers provided no additional compensation for these giveaways. Dignity Regained is paying for the cost of the giveaway and U.S. shipping. She paid me for her ad only, and this just seemed like a fun way to work together for your benefit. OK? OK.
“Grumpy Child” Photo Credit to Clare Bloomfield via freedigitalimages.net