Unsolicited Parenting Tip #5 (and Day 6 of 7+ Giveaways)

From time to time I offer unsolicited, but important, parenting tips. Not to toot my own horn, but these tips will probably change your life.

Unsolicited Parenting Tip #5:
sounds similar to,
but is not the same as,

So BEFORE you take your 1st graders to task for hollering, “TAKE THAT, BASTARDS” at the video game over and over (and over and over),

And BEFORE you turn off said video game mid-play,

And BEFORE you sit down with the Stern Look and provide a rather loooong winded explanation about what, exactly, a bastard is, and why, exactly, it’s inappropriate to call someone that, EVER, even an inanimate video character,

And BEFORE you talk eloquently and with passion about your family’s respect for ALL PEOPLE and honoring their stories of origin,

And BEFORE you mention that if you hear your boys using language like Bastard again, there will have to be Serious Consequences,

You MIGHT want to double check what they were saying.

In conclusion,


Nailed it. 


P.S. If you ever need anyone to define the word Bastards for you, my 7-year-olds can help you out.


Today is Day 6 of 7+ Giveaways!
(Day 5 is still accepting entries: click here.)

I invited the 5 Kids Blog advertisers (see the column to your right) to join me for 7 (or more!) days of giveaways. CHECK BACK for a NEW GIVEAWAY EVERY DAY. 

Many poetry books promise cutesy, eloquent wit and charm.

This is not one of those books. This is Judd Goobey. And today, father/daughter author/illustrator duo, M. Tompson and Paige Lane, are giving away two copies.


Packed with thirty disgustingly hilarious poems and deftly uproarious illustrations, Judd Goobey: Less Artsy More Fartsy explores the rich and universal culture of childhood in its purest and funniest form.

Winners may pick Kindle or paperback format. 

Would your little ones love a book bursting at the seams with stinky, crusty, gassy comedy gold? Judd Goobey is available for $9.99 paperback and $4.99 e-book for KindleiPad and nook.

This giveaway is now closed. Congratulations to Wendy and Cherish, winners of the Judd Goobey book!

TO ENTER: Leave a comment on this blog post by 11:59pm (Pacific Time on Friday, December 20th. One entry per person, please. A winner will be selected using a random number generator and posted on Saturday.

This giveaway is open to international participants. International shipping provided by me.

Note: The 5 Kids Blog advertisers provided no additional compensation for these giveaways. Paige Lane is paying for the cost of the giveaway and U.S. shipping. She paid me for her ad only, and this just seemed like a fun way to work together for your benefit. OK? OK.


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22 responses to “Unsolicited Parenting Tip #5 (and Day 6 of 7+ Giveaways)”

  1. Thanks for the laugh; unfortunately at your parenting expense when you were either really angry or trying not to laugh. No pun intended, but the image you used for this post really “nailed it”.

  2. Great job! This is not really related except kinda – sort of. If you ever saw the movie Beetlejuice, you may or may not remember a scene where Beetlejuice is in the middle of the model train set -up, and he says, “Nice f#$%@$g model! ” Somehow my 3 year old grandson was allowed to watch it, and somehow picked up on that line and repeated it. Naturally, my daughter corrected this behavior. Now he tells people, “We don’t say nice f#$%@$g model.” No, we don’t.

  3. Beth, I have a request. Can you please, please have your web gurus create a mobile version of your site? I only get to read your wise words while feeding the baby and wiping the bottom of a little one who should really be doing it himself, so I have, at best, only one free hand and one eye on my phone and a mobile version would be much appreciated!

  4. I did something similar when I saw my kids making a hand gesture at each other. It wasn’t one of the ol’ standards, but to me it looked crudely sexual. Turns out it was merely someone shutting their mouth.

  5. I actually think a video of your seven-year-old explaining what a bastard is would be an excellent addition to this already awesome post!

  6. Bwahahaha! I, however, would like a definition of “Masters” from your 7 year olds….I fear the possibility it no longer means what I think it means!!! 🙂

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