My husband has stopped responding to texts from me while he’s at work.
So my husband’s solution is to walk around with his penis goiter and tell people he’s just happy to see them? Um… no.
I haven’t heard back from Greg since I mentioned I’m a Penis Goiter Coveter.
I’d feel bad for Greg – I mean, no one goes into marriage thinking you’re getting a Penis Goiter Coveter for a wife – but marriage doesn’t always turn out the way you think. The person you marry changes. And they make new discoveries. And, well, sometimes Penis Goiter Coveting is part of it. This is what For Better OR FOR WORSE means, Greg.
………..
P.S. I’d apologize for being a 14-year-old boy, except I’ve decided to stop apologizing for who I am.
P.P.S. In other news, mad props to Lizzy Pollard. While no one has been able thus far to fulfill my request for a copy of Be Bold With Bananas, Lizzy did find me the Banana Candles recipe which includes instructions for cutting off the curvy bit at the end, fitting it in the hole, and what to do if you don’t like nuts. My day? MADE. Thank you, Lizzy.
And… P.P.P.S. It’s time for the LAST DAY (Day 12) of 7+ Giveaways! (Day 11 is still open to entries here.) WE MADE IT. WOOHOO! I’d give you a long schpeel here except I’m afraid if my schpeels get any longer, I’ll trip over them. And I think we can all agree NO ONE WANTS THAT.
SO. Today’s giveaway for one winner is the item of your choice from the 5 Kids Shop.
Pee Fight Pacifist t-shirt? We’ve got it.
Need to let folks know it’s an Angery Dragon kind of day? Done.
Definition of Parenting mug? You betcha.
And, of course, we still have the always popular 5 Kids logo thong. Because telling my brother he could do “whatever he wanted” with the shop was a horrible, horrible idea.
This giveaway is now closed. Congratulations to Jaclyn, winner of the 5 Kids Shop item.
TO ENTER: Leave a comment on this blog post by 11:59pm (Pacific Time) on Monday, January 13th. One entry per person, please. A winner will be selected using a random number generator and posted on Tuesday(ish). This giveaway is open to international participants.
P.P.P.P.S. The thong is our best seller because you guys are HILARIOUS. Like Chris who bought it for his wife for their anniversary and had me autograph it. —>
I’m still laughing, Chris. Nicely done.
……….
UPDATE:
Greg DID text me back later in the afternoon.
You know; just FYI.
63 responses to “My Husband Stopped Texting Me While He’s at Work”
Love your blog.
You’re funny.
You are the funniest lady! I want to be like you 🙂
Needed this smile on an otherwise dreary day. Definitely feeling the tired thing as a parent right now.
Oh my gosh, I’m crying I’m laughing so hard!
I, too, have five (a lot!) of kids and your posts always make me laugh out loud! It’s nice to realize there are others out there whose life is as crazy as mine!
oh my gosh I didn’t read this right away because the headline just talked about your husband not texting you… and it was a busy day… had I known there was a PENIS GOITER lying in wait for me I would have read it IMMEDIATELY and not missed a whole weekend of aftershock giggles. Thanks!!!
I want the definition of a parent coffe mug!! I didn’t even know there was merchandise to be had. Will check it out!
I would love an angery dragon shirt!
Oh my gosh. It just KILLS me that the thong is the best seller so far. So perfect and so fitting for everything that goes on around here!! Love it!
I would love one of those t-shirts
Love it! I wish I was brave enough to text my husband stuff like that while he was at work. 🙂
I was getting worried as I read the post about which sponsor would get their give-away stuck on the bottom of a story about you being a Penis Goiter Envier. I felt sheer relief when I saw it was none other than your own sweet self! Whew!
I cannot get over that 5 Kids thong! Is that like a warning: Stop! In the Name of Love!
Or is it: Go here, and you too may have 5 of your own!
There sooooooo needs to be a caption area under the hand…
(I’m not into thongs; but I could totally go for one of those Angery Dragon t-shirts!)
You are hilarious. 🙂 I live overseas and my nightly ritual is to wake up in the middle of the night to pee and check my email to see if you’ve written a new blog post. I have to try not to wake up my husband with my silent, bed-shaking laughter, but I can never make myself wait until morning to read your latest post.
You never fail to crack me up. I’m so glad a friend introduced you to me!
I love that your husband nonchalantly plays along! Hilarious!
A little bit of random, because you made me think of it.
On Christmas my twin brother was in pain, thinking he had a hernia, and skipped the family gathering. Two days later he decided that it was time to head to the ER at the hospital.
His right testicle was the size of a melon. I don’t know which kind of melon, but ANY kind is too big in my book. (jealous yet?)
So.. how in the heck does somebody wait until their testicle is that big before seeing a doctor?
They came close to doing surgery to remove it because the infection that he had was so bad. After 2 days of antibiotics via IV they were able to control the swelling and the infection.
He is back home now, still taking oral meds for it. I am sure he is happy that he didn’t have to give his right nut.
That’s my sharing story for the day.
you’re welcome.
I have considered buying an Angery Dragon shirt SOOOOOO many times.
So many times, in fact, that I think maybe I should skip the shirt and go right to the tattoo in someplace readily visible.
I’m having an Angery Dragon kind of life, really.
Am I allowed to say – wow you have balls for posting the weird penis goiter coveting thing? You surprise me every time and i love it. And just Oh Sweet Greg.
Thank you so much for your laughter inducing articles…I also saw the otter socks and thought there was a sequel…but the penis goiter convo with the hubby was utterly entertaining! Love your blog and will have to check out the store!
Freud would be proud of that penis envy. 🙂 Your writing always makes my day. Thanks for being yourself and honest and funny and willing to put yourself, penis envy and all, out there.
Hmm, i want something from the store but your bro can just keep that abstinence inducing thong to himself.
This is the contest I’d most want to win! Will you autograph what I order???
Thank you for not apologizing for who you are because you are awesome!
You are hilarious and always make my day seem wonderful! Have a great day!!