In the 70’s and 80’s – you know, back when spanking was a thing – my brother used to shove Golden Books down his pants when he got in trouble. That way, he was ready for any consequences, no matter how dire. Just like a Boy Scout, my brother. Always prepared.
It was a good strategy, overall, except that Golden Books are square, of course, and butts are round, but whatever. It was still a pretty quick move for a 4 year old.
Today, I was watching my brother’s kids – ages 3, 4 and 5 – and, like the good, rule-following auntie that I am, I put 3 and 4 down for their naps as instructed, which took a while, mostly because I’m me and I’m a sucker so naptime involved laying down with the 3 year old who didn’t “wanna sweep, Auntie Beff.” 🙁
I left the 5 year old with the television during naptime after I tried to leave her with books – also as instructed, listed in the schedule as “reading and homework time” – and she gave me sad eyes and pointed at the remote control. And I know; I know; I need help, but I could hear all of her TV selections, and I have 15 years of parenting down, so I know all the Disney princess songs. I was practically monitoring her, is what I’m saying. And the princesses were doing a fine job, too.
Or so I thought, until Miss 5 showed up, bedside, mid-nap, to whisper, “Don’t worry about me being alone during naptime, Auntie Beth. Don’t worry about anything, OK?” Which is, like, the figurative version of a square Golden Book on a round butt; a teeny, tiny hint to the mama mind that something might be ever so slightly out of place. And I thought, “I wasn’t worried, kid, but I’m reconsidering my original position thanks to your visit,” but I said, “OK,” and then I tiptoed downstairs two minutes after her to find the miniature punk – my brother’s daughter in more ways than one – with all the Golden Books stacked on a footstool pushed up next to the fridge to sneak candy off the top of it.
Turns out, even with the Golden Books, she’s still too short to pull it off, but it was a really decent attempt at being naughty.
And a great way to carry on our family’s time-honored, nefarious Golden Book tradition.
Well played, Miss 5. Well played.