A Little Help, Please

My friend Elizabeth sent a message to her girlfriends last night, after midnight, and it pinged to my box while I was laying in bed listening to the snoring husband and the snoring children and the snoring dog, all of whom were in my bedroom, maliciously keeping me from sleep, and I knew immediately you needed to see this message, too. Because Elizabeth reminded me we’re not alone in  the crap. Even when we think we are. And also, Elizabeth needs us, friends. STAT. She needs us terribly, as you’ll soon see.   Here’s her story.   I need the kind of succor only a large group of non-judgy people who know things about children can offer. There is discussion of bodily function and human waste in this story, just FYI, because it’s a story about small children doing something terrible.   Today we were at the park.  The GOOD park.  Seriously, folks, come out to where I live and I will show it to you, it is AMAZING.   My kids were playing happily and I was tracking where they were.  And then, in a horrible epiphany, I recognized the look on my 4.5 year old’s face. The poop look.  

“Honey, let’s go to the toilet!” I said. I called the 3.5 year old over and we all headed off to the mercifully-close bath house (I told you, this was the GOOD park). We take over the handicapped stall (I know, I know, but two kids and mama in a regular stall is NOT happening), 4.5 pulls down his pants and hops onto the toilet and something is horribly wrong. ...  read more

The One Problem with HelloFlo’s New “First Moon Party” Video

You’ve probably seen the latest hit YouTube video by now. HelloFlo is back this summer with the following “First Moon Party” video to plug their first period care packages to mamas of young teen girls:

And look. I get it. This video is funny. I’m a woman. I’ve had a period 75% of my life. I’ve got 15- and 12-year-old daughters, so it’s hilarious, OK? And I might have cried tears of joy while watching it. And made everyone over age 8 in my house – including the 15-year-old’s boyfriend – watch it. On repeat. Until they forced me to stop because they had “other things to do with their day.” Which, whatever...  read more

Here’s a Parenting Tip: Consistency is Overrated

I think I’ve read it in every parenting book. Heard it from the lips of all the parenting experts. “Consistency is the key to good parenting,” they say, and, “there are few principles more important.” And I bought that message for years. Like all my friends, I was a hook, line and sinker Consistency Believer. Because OF COURSE consistency is the key to good parenting, I thought. Duh...  read more

How to Honor Fathers on Facebook

Look. I get it. It’s hard to know how to honor fathers well. How to encapsulate all they do. How to let them know they’re loved and appreciated and respected. And with a Facebook page just filled to overflowing with the dad pics and the gushing statuses this Father’s Day? Well, it’s tough to get a word in edgewise. So I want you to know, it’s OK if you choked. It’s OK if you dropped the ball. And it’s not too late to take remedial action and make Father Reparations to your Facebook Wall. In fact, because I care about you and all the dads out there, I’ve put together this handy dandy, easy guide to help you.  ...  read more

48 Hours Into Summer Break: A Report

It’s 48 hours into summer break now. The toilet is clogged and the toilet paper dispenser has finally, after dangling by a thread for years, been ripped completely off the wall.

It’s 48 hours into summer break, and my kids have watched at least 36 cumulative hours of screens, played outside for 12, fussed for 8, been bored for 16 and also, nothing is fair. Nothing.  ...  read more

How to Win at Parenting (You Know, More Than Your Partner Wins at Parenting)

I lost last week’s Parenting Competition to my husband, which, to be precise, really Sucked the Sucky Suck.

Now, Greg doesn’t know there’s a weekly Parenting Competition, or that we’re competing at all, because I’ve never told him. Also, he’s nice and not competitive (except during Settlers and Scrabble when he’s kind of a jerk) and so he’s always rooting for me in parenting and in life (but not in board games), but that doesn’t make the Parenting Competition less real. Or me less of its winner. Because winning when no one else knows you’re playing? IS STILL WINNING, friends. Still winning. ...  read more