Important New Acronym for Families

My friend, Kim, told me about a new acronym tonight. 

It rocked my world, so accurately does it describe ours, and, if you’re part of a family, it’ll rock yours, too.

Now, Kim’s the friend to whom I rarely speak, not because there aren’t things to say, but because words aren’t usually required to say them. 

I see Kim and, instead of talking, we hug. Tight, I-mean-it hugs. Tight, I-mean-it, hang-in-there hugs. Tight, I-mean-it, hang-in-there, oh-my-word-I-am-SO-weary hugs. Tight, I-mean-it, hang-in-there, oh-my-word-I-am-SO-weary, HOLD-ME hugs. 

And we nod.

Kim and I nod at each other a lot across crowded rooms. At church and at schools. On playgrounds and at the coffee shop. We see each other, and we nod.

The Knowing Nod.

The I See You Nod.

The I Love You Nod, and the Someday We Might Get to Have Coffee Together Again Nod. 

The We’re in This Together Nod.

But tonight, after we Hugged and Nodded, Kim used words. WORDS. Because she invented a new acronym and she knew I needed to know.

F.F.F.L.S.D. 

Turns out, Kim’s family fell totally apart the other night. All of them Freaking Out. All of them Wild Eyed. All of them spewing Angst and being tackled by Exhaustion and crumbling under the weight of OH MY GOSH, ALL THE THINGS. All the Things are Coming at Us, and there is no where – NO WHERE – to Duck and Cover.

In other words, their Family Poop Hit the Fan.

You know?

You know.

I know you know.

And so Kim said to the family, mid-freak-out, “We are in FULL FAMILY FRONTAL LOBE SHUT-DOWN, you guys. FULL FAMILY FRONTAL LOBE SHUT-DOWN.” Because there was no one left in charge of the brains’ ships. ALL of the brain cells had jumped overboard. The fleet was utterly adrift in rough waters, and every single brain was taking on water. Frontal lobes all lost at sea. MISSING IN ACTION. 

Thus was born the acronym.
F.F.F.L.S.D.
which stands for
Full Family Frontal Lobe Shut-Down

photo (86)

And, like all good acronyms, it’s really simple to remember, even while in F.F.F.L.S.D., because all you have to do is follow these two steps:

1. First, yell, “EFF! EFF! EFF!” Three times. REALLY loud. First three letters of the acronym? DOWN.

2. Then yell, “L.S.D.!” Like the drug. LSD. As in, “OH MY GOSH! YOU ARE ALL TRIPPING ON ACID RIGHT NOW.”

And if EFF! EFF! EFF! YOU ARE ALL TRIPPING ON ACID! doesn’t describe a total family melt-down, I don’t know what does. 

 

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
9 comments
  1. The timelines from the films give you a
    fast take a look at how truthful every movie is being.

  2. Now that it’s, ya know, a “thing”……Is there a support group yet? Or better yet, funding to support “mommy, mommy, mommy….!”overloaded brains!? That would be tubular;)

  3. What is it about going back to school that makes EVERYTHING in the WHOLE world fall apart?!?!?! In the last month we have dealt with a suicide, ALS (she’s been given until the end of October.), and last night found out one of my besties has cancer. I’m so done with sickness, and death, pain, and suffering! Total ffflsd here. Just to make things interesting, my doc wants me to give up coffee. As in my one escape, my one vise. Trying to keep focus on good stuff, but it is dwindling. Thank you for your post. It is a lone, bright spot for me to hide in right now.

    1. Oh, ugh. I’m so sorry to hear you and your friends are dealing with all of that, Aurora. Sending love your way. And pieces of my heart to shore up yours.

  4. Like Jen’s family, mine prefers to go into FFFLSD in the morning, when shoes are missing and glasses can’t be found and OMG you need a shower and YOU’RE GOING TO MISS THE BUS IF YOU DON’T LEAVE RIGHT NOW.

    Because Mom has not yet had sufficient coffee at 6:15 a.m., and therefore is easier to tip over the edge into FFFLSD.

  5. I am proud to say that my family did not have an FFFLSD tonight because we are all overachievers and so, just to be ahead of the curve, we went ahead and had our FFFLSD in the morning because we aren’t like all those other families who like to have their FFFLSD after school, when it’s easy because everyone is tired and cranky. We can do it when everyone should be refreshed and rested too! And just to take our over-achievement a little further we went ahead and included Grandma for the extended family bonus.

    LOL and waving in the dark, in the middle of the night, because my cold meds wore off too soon… where is the nyquil anyway???

  6. That happened here tonight but I walked in towards the end of it. I think the only thing more terrifying than everyone losing their mind is walking in and being the only one (relatively) sane. So I flipped out too. Peer pressure. I wonder what it was all about.

  7. Oh yeah, ffflsd has been known to happen. Good to have a name for it.

  8. Last night, this acronym would have been useful. Nuff said.

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