An Important Essay on Penis Tendons by Two 8-Year-Old Boys

Dear Reader,

My twin 8-year-old boys asked to guest post on this blog. What a great learning opportunity, I thought. What a wonderful way to pass my craft on to my children, I thought. And so I agreed and set about creating parameters for them.

“Yes, you may guest post,” I said, “but — BUT — you will need to pick an important topic, you will spell words correctly, you will have a POINT, you will have reasons for that point, you will have a conclusion, and it will be about something that will improve the lives of other children.” In other words, none of the parameters I have for my own writing because DO WHAT I SAY, kids, NOT WHAT I DO, which is hypocritical, yes, but it’s the same way I treat drinking milk out of the carton — OK for me, not OK for you hooligans — so I’m being consistentsee?

In conclusion, my boys wrote an important essay on penis tendons — in which they spell words correctly, have a point, have reasons for that point, and have a conclusion — so that they might improve the lives of other children.

Please make sure your children read it.

You’re welcome.

Sincerely,

Signature

 

 

 

An Important Essay on Penis Tendons
by Cai and Cael Woolsey

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This is a bull’s full size penis tendon.

It is made out of a full grown bull’s penis tendon.

You make this by killing a bull and taking out the penis tendon and drying it out. Or you can buy it at the pet store. 

Sometimes we called it a buffalo’s penis tendon, but it is not a buffalo’s penis tendon. It is from a bull which is a boy cow.

Sometimes we called it a bull’s penis intestine, but it is not one of those because penises do not have intestines.

A bull’s penis tendon is for your dog to chew on, but it is also for you to play IMG_2702with.

You can use a bull’s penis tendonIMG_2697 for many things.

You can use it as a spear because it’s really, really stiff.

You can poke people with it.

You can use it as a flag pole.

You can use it to bend it to regain your strength.

You can use it to see how far down water is.

You can use it to rest your arms.

If your fan stopped, you can push it with the penis tendon.

You can use it as a fishing pole.

You can chew on it until your mom says to stop it.

You can use it as a walking stick.

You can use as a ninja stick.

You can stick it into the ground and mark where something is.IMG_2696

You can whack bugs and other things with it, because it is a really good whacker.

You feel happy when you play with a penis tendon.

We learned about penis tendons about a week ago at the pet store. We did not know about this before.

It is important that other kids can know about penis tendons because you can use it for many things, and it’s fun to play with. 

The End

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ABOUT BETH WOOLSEY I'm a writer. And a mess. And mouthy, brave, and strong. I believe we all belong to each other. I believe in the long way 'round. And I believe, always, in grace in the grime and wonder in the wild of a life lived off course from what was, once, a perfectly good plan.
54 comments
  1. Oh my! What a prompt to write on! Think I’m glad it was reserved for the blog and not me. 🙂

    1. And they must have had a fabulous teacher. Great writing skills! 😉

  2. […] to write you this essay. Cai’s last essay here was co-written with his twin brother. It was about Penis Tendons. Because I told them, if they wanted to guest post on this blog, they must choose an important […]

  3. This is THE best article I’ve EVER read on penis tendons! Very informative! Thank you for sharing. Please write more soon. Now, I’m going to let my kids read this because it’s so well written. You didn’t misspell any words!

    🙂

  4. I never knew so much about penis tendons! Now I wish I had one and yet, I am not willing to get one through the means you described. Still, fascinating!

  5. This is one of the best essays I’ve read in a while and certainly the most surprising and humorous. Excellent job!

  6. I enjoyed this informative essay ! Will your sons be guest posting again soon I hope?

  7. I really found your article very humorous, interesting and informative. I’ve been looking for something that I could use not only as a fishing pole but also to be able to rest my arms on it when they’re tired and still use it as a ninja stick and a poker. Thank you SOOO much for solving many of my problems!
    P.S. My kids are going to be SOOO jealous of me 🙂

  8. It’s a shame the entire population of the world’s children don’t have access to the internet to read this deeply moving piece of narrative.

    But really this is amazing and your kids are the coolest and weirdest and I hope my kids are as cool and weird as yours.

  9. I buy these all the time…they never told me what they actually were. Now I know because of your informative article!

  10. Thank you for the information about penis tendons. My do loves to chew on them also I call the bully sticks. I can’t wait to buy me one. 🙂

  11. Thank you for enlightening me. I only had a vague idea what they were but now I know all! My dog loves to chew them, but I find the smell disgusting. I have to wash my hands each time I give him one.

  12. […] Mom, Beth Woolsey, the author of Five Kids Is A Lot Of Kids asked her twin boys to guest post a blog by picking an important topic, this is what they came back […]

  13. […] article was published by Mom, Beth Woolsey, on her blog Five Kids Is A Lot Of Kids. She […]

  14. Thanks for the giggle and informative essay! Gotta love boys!

  15. Great job boys. You did a wonderful job staying on topic and keeping it interesting. I may have to try some for my three dogs.
    Hope you keep writing as one day you may be famous authors.
    Thanks for sharing.
    A Grandmother and former teacher

  16. What an informative piece of writing! I see future zoologists in these two boys. Well, at least future bloggers!

  17. A former coworker used to own something like 6 dogs & bought bully sticks by the case & he to k d me years ago what these sticks were. Needless to say, I was shocked! Loved your story & all the comments, especially since I have 2 sons also, albeit grown sons.

  18. Well done, boys! (I’m trained as an English teacher and I’ve raised boy children, so I’m well qualified to give you an A+ on meeting your objectives. I’m also the mommy of a Cocker Spaniel who will be very happy next time I come home from the pet store.)

  19. thanks for teaching me something, kids!

  20. To the wonderful boys who wrote a cool story-
    Thank you so much for taking the time to write about a subject you find interesting. Not many kids do this anymore, and not as nice as the one you wrote. This brought s smile to my face, and your mother was a brave lady but a smart mommy. Keep up the good work, boys go outside find another cool subject to write about and blog about it again.

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