My twin 8-year-old boys asked to guest post on this blog. What a great learning opportunity, I thought. What a wonderful way to pass my craft on to my children, I thought. And so I agreed and set about creating parameters for them.
“Yes, you may guest post,” I said, “but — BUT — you will need to pick an important topic, you will spell words correctly, you will have a POINT, you will have reasons for that point, you will have a conclusion, and it will be about something that will improve the lives of other children.” In other words, none of the parameters I have for my own writing because DO WHAT I SAY, kids, NOT WHAT I DO, which is hypocritical, yes, but it’s the same way I treat drinking milk out of the carton — OK for me, not OK for you hooligans — so I’m being consistent, see?
In conclusion, my boys wrote an important essay on penis tendons — in which they spell words correctly, have a point, have reasons for that point, and have a conclusion — so that they might improve the lives of other children.
Please make sure your children read it.
An Important Essay on Penis Tendons
by Cai and Cael Woolsey
This is a bull’s full size penis tendon.
It is made out of a full grown bull’s penis tendon.
You make this by killing a bull and taking out the penis tendon and drying it out. Or you can buy it at the pet store.
Sometimes we called it a buffalo’s penis tendon, but it is not a buffalo’s penis tendon. It is from a bull which is a boy cow.
Sometimes we called it a bull’s penis intestine, but it is not one of those because penises do not have intestines.
A bull’s penis tendon is for your dog to chew on, but it is also for you to play with.
You can use a bull’s penis tendon for many things.
You can use it as a spear because it’s really, really stiff.
You can poke people with it.
You can use it as a flag pole.
You can use it to bend it to regain your strength.
You can use it to see how far down water is.
You can use it to rest your arms.
If your fan stopped, you can push it with the penis tendon.
You can use it as a fishing pole.
You can chew on it until your mom says to stop it.
You can use it as a walking stick.
You can use as a ninja stick.
You can stick it into the ground and mark where something is.
You can whack bugs and other things with it, because it is a really good whacker.
You feel happy when you play with a penis tendon.
We learned about penis tendons about a week ago at the pet store. We did not know about this before.
It is important that other kids can know about penis tendons because you can use it for many things, and it’s fun to play with.